


Begin Again

by allylikethecat



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Jamie Benn/Tyler Seguin - Freeform, M/M, Past Relationship(s), trade
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2018-09-08 19:59:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 54,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8858806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allylikethecat/pseuds/allylikethecat
Summary: It shouldn't have been such a surprise. He was traded once, it wasn't shocking that he was traded again. Tyler had thought he would play his entire career in Boston. After he was traded to Dallas he thought he would retire there. He needed to stop getting attached to cities that didn't want him, or find a way to make Pittsburgh last.





	1. One.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings.
> 
> This chapter/fic is unbetaed, and I apologize for any and all mistakes.
> 
> I don't own any of these characters/people, nothing that happens in this is real, it’s all fake.
> 
> There is a lot of handwaving regarding games, practices and how trades work.
> 
> **I also completely miscalculated how old Mario Lemieux's children are, in my mind they were still in high school so just bare with me on that**
> 
> Let me know if I missed any warnings or tags.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you think!

Jamie slammed his laptop shut with more force than necessary and squeezed his eyes shut. He ran his fingers through his hair, messing it up more than it already was. He took a deep breath and stood up. He walked around to the other side of the kitchen island in search of his phone. He had thrown it in between hanging up with their GM Jim Nill and reading the article published on NHL.com. Though he had no reason to believe Nill would lie, especially about something like this, seeing it in print had made it real. It had shaken him more than he had expected it to. 

He picked up his phone, and saw that the screen had cracked. He sighed, it figured. He bit his lip and debated whom he should call first. Just as he was contrasting his duty as captain verses the loyalty of friendship, the decision was made for him. Tyler’s face appeared on the damaged screen. 

He swiped to answer, his finger stinging as he caught it on the edge of the glass. 

“Hey,” Tyler said, his voice sounded small. “I take it you’ve heard?” he asked. 

Jamie nodded, before realizing Tyler couldn’t see him. “Yeah,” he said, his voice cracking. “I just, I’m so fucking sorry.” 

Tyler gave a short laugh. “It’s hockey dude,” he said, trying to inject some cheer into his voice. “And you guys needed a goalie.” 

“Yeah, but we shouldn’t have had to give up you,” Jamie said, not caring that he sounded like he was whining. He hated that a divide had already appeared, that Tyler was no longer one of the guys. That there was a them, and then there was a Tyler. He blinked. He wondered when his eyes had filled with tears. 

“Apparently I’m popular Jay, it was the only way Nill could get them to agree, your offensive is great, you’ll be fine without me,” Tyler tried desperately to find a positive as he felt like his heart was being yanked from his chest. He was the player with a high price tag that nobody wanted. Boston hadn’t fought for him, and Dallas was now trading him away. But Tyler knew it wasn’t Jamie’s fault, that his former captain was hurting nearly as much as he was. 

“When do you leave?” Jamie asked softly. 

“Few hours,” Tyler said, “they want me on the ice for morning skate tomorrow, might be getting some ice time in tomorrows game.” 

“You should probably go pack then,” said Jamie, his voice cracking. He wondered if he should go and say goodbye in person. 

“Yeah,” Tyler agreed, already he sounded like he was extremely far away. “Take care of yourself.” Tyler said and the line went dead. Jamie stared at the now black screen and wondered why Tyler’s words sounded like such a final goodbye. 

***

Tyler tugged his snapback down, using the brim to shield his eyes. He shivered; even the airport in Pittsburgh was cold. He hadn’t yet decided if the cold was something he had missed. He hoisted his duffle back higher up onto his shoulder and made his way down to baggage claim. All he had brought with him where a few changes of clothes and his hockey gear. He needed to arrange for the rest of his belongs to be shipped up, and for his house in Dallas to be sold. He took a deep breath. He needed to find somewhere to live for the time being. Then he needed find out just how permanent this move was going to be before he started tossing money around. When he had been sent from Boston to Dallas, he had almost the entire summer to sort out his new life. Now he had hours thanks to his mid season trade. 

Marshall and Cash would be arriving the next week, the dog sitter he used to use during road trips watching them for the time being. He needed to find somewhere that was dog friendly before that. 

He looked down at the scuffed toe of his white old skool vans, and wished he had thought to wear boots, the TV above the conveyer belt was showing the weather and the outside world was looking pretty slushy. White shoes might have been acceptable in Dallas, but he doubted they would last in Pittsburgh. He looked back up and watched the belt rotate, still not seeing his gear bag. 

“Tyler!” He turned sharply, not expecting to hear his name called out at twelve thirty am in arrivals at Pittsburgh International Airport. 

Recognition dawned across his features, and he took the hand that Mario Lemieux was offering him. 

“Hi,” he managed to shutter, mentally wincing at the dumbness of his words. Tyler had met a lot of legends before, but there was something about Mario Lemieux that put him in a league of his own.

“How was your flight?” Lemieux asked, cutting straight to the chase. Tyler swallowed hard. 

“It was fine,” he said, hating the way his voice sounded to his own ears. Lemieux nodded. The gears in his mind spun as Tyler tried to make sense of the situation. Mario Lemieux was meeting him at the airport and it seemed to be on purpose. 

“I’m taking it Jim didn’t tell you who would be meeting you here,” Lemieux said cheerfully. Tyler shook his head, while keeping watch for his bag out of the corner of his eye. 

“They didn’t tell me anyone was meeting me,” he admitted, “I kind of just assumed that I’d stay at the Hyatt and get a cab to the rink in the morning.” 

Lemieux looked momentarily appalled and Tyler’s heart sank. He wondered if he had said the wrong thing, irrationally he wondered if Pittsburgh was going to send him away too. It would have to be a new record, traded again without even leaving the airport. 

“Well, Jim was supposed to tell you, but I’m now getting the impression that he didn’t, that you’re welcome to stay with my family in our guest suite until you find a place of your own. You don’t have to if you don’t feel comfortable doing so, but I have it on good authority from Sid that it’s comfortable.” Lemieux said, he smiled warm and inviting, “between you and me, I thought he would never move out, not that we weren’t happy to have him.”

Tyler nearly tripped over his own feet as he lunged to grab his bag, Lemieux’s words sinking in. 

“What?” he asked stupidly. He wasn’t sure what to focus on, the fact that Lemieux wanted him to stay with his family or the fact that he had just roasted Sidney Crosby. 

“Sid doesn’t react well to change,” said Lemieux cheerfully, “and he’s only gotten less accepting of it since his concussions.” 

Tyler wasn’t expecting Lemieux to share such personal information about Crosby, or to talk about his nearly career ending concussions so casually. It vaguely reminded Tyler of Tuukka and his gallows humor. Tyler wasn’t sure how to respond. He settled on smiling and following Lemieux out of the airport and to the garage where he had parked his car. 

Traffic was nearly non-existent as they pulled out of the garage. Tyler felt extremely underwhelmed by his new home as Lemieux entered a tunnel. He swallowed back a gasp as they exited the tunnel and Pittsburgh bloomed before his eyes. 

“Pretty isn’t it?” Lemieux asked, “You never forget your first time out of the tunnel.” 

Tyler nodded, taking in the lights reflected over the water and the bridges intersecting the city. It was beautiful in a way that he hadn’t been expecting. 

“Yeah,” he said, surprised when the words came out sounding almost breathless. “I wasn’t expecting it.” 

“No one ever is,” said Lemieux, catching Tyler’s smile out of the corner of his eye before directing his gaze back to the road. 

 

“Hey, we’re here,” said Lemieux softly, and Tyler flinched. He flushed, realizing that he must have fallen asleep on the short drive. 

Cheeks still burning he following Lemieux inside, “I’ll introduce you to Nathalie and the kids in the morning, they should be in bed, Austin and Alexa have school tomorrow.” He whispered, directing Tyler up a small flight of stairs.

“Make yourself at home,” he said, setting Tyler’s gear back onto the floor. Tyler surveyed the small apartment like space off of the main house. There was a kitchenette, a couch and a television and on the far side of the room what looked like a queen size bed and a dresser. 

“That bathroom is just through there,” Lemieux said, gesturing to a door that was currently closed. “Breakfast is at seven, morning skate at eight thirty, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Good night,” Tyler said softly, setting his carryon bag down next to his gear bag. He heard the door click shut as Lemieux left the space. Tyler sighed and took off his snapback so he could run his fingers through his hair. He dug his phone charger out of a side pocket and plugged his phone in by the bed, stripping down to his boxer briefs before shivering. 

He had forgotten what true cold was like. Luckily he found a faded gray Under Armour sweatshirt he had been smart enough to toss into the bag in his rush. He pulled it on and slipped under the covers. Making sure to set an alarm for six thirty so he had time to grab a quick shower. 

He reached over to turn off the light, realizing he had a text message from Jamie. “I hope you had a good flight.” Tyler exited his messages without responding. It hurt too much. 

Tyler was curled on his side, the blankets pulled nearly all the way to his nose, his eyes shut tight. He had thought he would play his entire career in Boston. After he was traded to Dallas he thought he would retire there. He needed to stop getting attached to cities that didn't want him, or find a way to make Pittsburgh last.


	2. Two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> This chapter/fic is unbetaed, and I apologize for any and all mistakes.
> 
> I don't own any of these characters/people, nothing that happens in this is real, it’s all fake.  
> There is a lot of handwaving regarding games, practices and how trades work.
> 
> Let me know if I missed any warnings or tags.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you think!

Tyler was secure enough in himself to admit he was terrified as he followed Lemieux through the PPG Paints arena and towards the locker room. Since it game day they were practicing at the arena instead of at the UPMC Lemieux Sports Complex. Tyler swallowed hard as they walked past the visitor’s locker room. He tried to fight back his nerves, pushing down the feeling of wrongness that accompanied entrance into the home locker room. 

He wasn’t a visitor in this arena anymore. 

His nerves had gotten the better of him before his first game in Boston, and again before his first game for Dallas. Each time he had thrown up before stepping foot onto the ice in his new sweater for the first time. He wondered if history would be repeating its self. 

“We’ve set you up with number nineteen,” said Lemieux, “I hope you don’t mind, your agent said you didn’t have a preference between that and ninety one,” 

“Nineteen is good,” Tyler said, feeling small as he kept his gaze downcast in the mostly empty space, looking up in quick bursts to scan the lockers in search of the one with his name on it. Nineteen would be another fresh start, just like ninety-one had been. Except this time Tyler had no clear answer as to why he was being punished. 

“I’ll leave you to it then,” Lemieux said, “the rest of the guys should be trickling in soon.” 

He was gone. Tyler found his stall and sat his bag down. He sat down on the bench and took a deep breath, trying to stead himself. 

“Hey, Matt Murray,” said the tall, willowy goalie, holding out a hand in a hello. 

“Tyler Seguin,” he said, Murray smiled. 

“It’s great to meet you,” Murray said grinning, “and incredibly I’m happy I’m not going to have to play against you now.” 

Tyler laughed, feeling more at ease. “Flattery I see,” he said, trying to project confidence. Murray smirked. 

“Gotta do what I gotta do with snipers like yourself,” he said teasingly, he ran his fingers through his hair. 

“Real talk though, we’re happy to have you,” he paused, swallowing hard. Tyler suddenly realized that he looked incredibly nervous. “Ah, I feel bad saying this, but don’t let any of the older guys give you a hard time? They were all close with Flower and I don’t know how they’re going to react.

“I’m probably worrying about nothing, Chris- my girlfriend, she says I over think stuff like this, but like, I guess I wanted to say that if you need a friend, I mean you probably don’t, you’re Tyler Seguin, but if you do, I’m here? And so are Rusty and Sheary we watch a lot of HGTV if that interests you at all? I mean it probably doesn’t but if it does, I’m going to stop talking now,” Murray said in a rush. Tyler grinned. Murray kind of reminded him off Cash when he was a puppy.

“Naw man, HGTV is pretty cool,” he said, thinking of how during his second season in Dallas, Jamie had a phase. 

“Cool,” Murray said, wandering back over to his stall to get changed. Tyler bent down and untied his vans. Maybe this would be okay. He liked HGTV. He dug his skates and pads out of his bag. He inhaled sharply when his fingers came in contact with a scrap of victory green. He squeezed his eyes shut, a rush of emotions washing over him. Maybe he was wrong; maybe he wouldn’t be okay. 

He left the victory green socks in his bag, turning instead to find a pair of penguins black waiting for him in the locker stall along with his new hockey pants, practice jersey and helmet. 

He dressed quickly, not making eye contact with the rest of the Penguins as they made there way in. Tyler nearly chocked on his own saliva when Phil Kessel walked past him and gave him a small smile. For some reason he was expecting Kessel to hate him, since he was drafted with the pick Boston had gotten for trading him. Then again, Tyler had also been sent away from Boston, maybe that was something they could bond over. 

“Welcome to team,” said a deep Russian accent and Tyler looked up from tying his skates to see Evgeni Malkin standing before him. “Nice to meet, call me Geno,” he introduced, wrapping Tyler’s hand in a firm handshake. 

“Sidney, come say hello to new winger,” Geno said, but Crosby didn’t move from his stall. Geno rolled his eyes. “Grumpy Canadian,” he mumbled, giving Tyler a pat on the shoulder. 

Tyler bit his lip. He had thought he and Sid were something like friends, after playing for Canada together on multiple occasions. He hadn’t expected a warm welcome, but he hadn’t expected his new captain to flat out ignore him. He took a deep breath and painted his media smile across his features. He pulled on his gear, tied his skates, and followed his new teammates out onto his new home ice. 

 

Sidney was still stoic, barely acknowledging Tyler as he changed after practice. In all honesty, most of the team gave him a wide berth following practice. He was disappointed in himself, none of his passes had connected and he felt like a rookie, lost and star struck stepping onto NHL ice for the first time. Conor Sheary had smiled at him a few times. Was friendly like Murray had said, but he had primarily worked with the rest of the first and second line. Tyler himself was to play on fourth for the time being. He bent over to tie his vans, making a mental note to push acquiring boots to the top of his to do list. His feet were going to get wet and cold as he scurried across the parking lot to meet Lemieux, who was giving him a ride back to his house. Tyler also needed to rent a car, while he arranged for his to be shipped up from Dallas. 

He froze as he pasted Sidney, the captain taking part in a post practice media scrum. 

“Obviously, we miss Flower,” said Sidney, “He was a central asset for this team and we all miss him greatly, Muzz is a great goalie and we’re lucky to have him for sure, but we definitely will, and are, feel the loss of Flower’s leadership in the locker room,” Tyler swallowed hard, and squeezed his eyes shut. It felt like confirmation that Pittsburgh, or at least Sidney, didn’t really want him here. “On a personal level as well I’m going to miss my best friend, Dallas is lucky to have him.” 

A reporter asked a question and Sidney paused before responding. “No, I don’t know Seguin well,” he said and Tyler felt the lump grow in his throat, “we’ve played together internationally a few times, and I know he had a troubled past with Boston and a rough adjustment in Dallas, hopefully he’ll find Pittsburgh to be a better fit once he gets settled in.” 

Tyler tried to swallow, but it caught in his throat. He blinked, suddenly finding his eyes wet. He threaded his way out of the locker room. He’s not sure why Sidney’s words stung as much as they did. He hadn’t said anything remotely malicious, or even anything that wasn’t true. With a sinking feeling Tyler realized his hurt steamed from the fact that Sidney had spoken about him as if he didn’t matter. He felt guilty, selfish for his desperate need to feel wanted. It was something that managed to get him into trouble time and time again. 

His critics would say that he had an over the top personality, and a need to be the center of attention. He wanted to be noticed and to matter. As he climbed into the front seat of Lemieux’s car, nodding along as he chatted about the practice, and the game they would be playing that night., Tyler wondered if his hurt steamed from the fact that Sidney made it seem as if he wasn’t a significant acquisition, or if it was because Sidney was the one that had spoken of him so nonchalant. 

His phone buzzed and he saw that he had a text message from Jamie. 

“Going to try and catch your game tonight, home practice went well.” 

Tyler swallowed hard. He moved to slide his phone back into his pocket, not planning on responding. Too many emotions were swirling through his chest for him to handle this as well. It hadn’t even been twenty-four hours since he arrived in Pittsburgh. 

His phone buzzed again. Tyler chose to ignore it until he was back in the guest suite, instead giving all of attention to Lemieux for the remainder of the ride. 

He barely had gotten his jacket off when his phone started ringing. He answered without looking, he was tired and jet lagged and wanted to sleep forever. He wanted to wake up and realize that the last twenty hours had been a dream. 

“Hey Ty,” Jamie said softly, and it took all of Tyler’s will power not to break down as he sat on the end of the bed. 

“Hey,” he said, wincing at how flat his voice sounded. Jamie took a breath, and Tyler could all but sense his hesitation before he spoke again.

“How is Pittsburgh?” he asked and Tyler swallowed back the spiteful words he wanted to say. 

“Cold,” he responded instead, wishing he could give the conversation he deserved. He swallowed. 

“Why did you call Jamie?” he asked softly. 

“Because you’re my best friend Ty,” he responding as if it was the most logical thing in the world. Tyler bit his lip, anything to keep from the near hysterical laughter that threated to bubble out from his chest. 

“I can’t do this right now,” Tyler said, he squeezed his eyes shut. He knew he was about to sound erratic and unstable but what was Jamie going to do about it anyway? He was thousands of miles away. 

“I just, I’ve had a really shitty twenty four hours, my new team hates me because they all miss Fleury, and I don’t even know how long I’m going to be in Pittsburgh before they dump me like every other team I’ve ever played on.

“I don’t even have a place to live yet I’m staying with Lemieux, and I miss my dogs, and now you’re calling me being all understanding and trying to check up on me and I just can’t right now.

“I know we’re friends, and you’re probably my best friend other than Brownie, but you also broke up with me like a month ago, and I know things seemed fine, and I tried to make them fine, but like with everything going on I just need some space.” Tyler said in a rush. The tears he had been on the brink of shedding since he landed in Pittsburgh finally making their way down his cheeks. 

“I’m sorr-” Jamie started but Tyler cut him off. 

“Please don’t say you’re sorry Jamie,” Tyler said softly, “I know you’re sorry, and if anyone should be sorry it’s me, and I am, you’re such a good friend and I’m being awful and selfish, but I just can’t do this right now, I’m sorry.” He said his voice cracking. 

“I’ll always be here when you’re ready,” Jamie said quietly, his voice thick with emotion. 

“I’m sorry Jamie,” Tyler said again, and hung up the phone. 

He lay back on the bed, throwing a hand over his eyes squeezed shut tight. He knew he was being irrational. He didn’t know the Penguins well enough to know if they hated him. The therapist he saw during the summers would tell him he’s projecting his own insecurities onto those around him. But at the same time, there had been something so cold about the way that Sidney had disregarded him all morning. It was something he hadn’t expected and it had thrown him for a loop.

He was cold and he wanted to go back to Dallas, even if Dallas meant being best friends with the man who had possibly broken his heart. The sick twisted part of Tyler wondered if the break up is what had gotten him traded. But Tyler knew that was irrational. Their separation had been on disgustingly friendly and adult terms. Tyler had been proud of himself at the time. Though as much as he had thought he loved Jamie, there hadn’t been a world ending, crushing sadness when Jamie asked if Tyler thought they would be better as friends. 

Everything just felt worse right now, he had gotten traded, and had yet to make friends in Pittsburgh. He was over tired, cold and lonely. He reached back over and grabbed his phone from where he had tossed it onto a pillow. He sent Jamie a quick text apologizing and set an alarm for four o’clock so he would have time to each something and get to the rink with Lemieux before the game. 

 

Tyler felt like he was eighteen again, he was playing on the fourth line, right wing with Wilson and Cullen. He was wearing a black and gold jersey with last name Seguin number nineteen on the back. Tyler sat down heavily on the bench; he grabbed his water bottle and swallowed a mouth full of cherry Gatorade. He pretended he didn’t notice the way the rest of the Penguins were still giving him a wide berth, none of the over enthusiastic hugs, and helmet taps and butt pats that he had grown accustom to. He pushed the insecurities aside and focused on the game.

Murray was in the net, crouched in position as he scanned the ice. In the crease he was so different from the bubbly puppy like twenty two year old that Tyler had met that morning. He reminded Tyler of a snake, stalking their prey and ready to pounce without notice. 

Tyler’s line was called and he was back on the ice. He raced towards the puck, easily intercepting a pass from Cullen as he took it up the right wing, weaving around defenders like they were rooted in place. 

He glanced to the side, seeing Wilson across the ice. Tyler moved as if he was going to pass, and at the last second fired off a shot. It slipped easily over the goalies shoulder and a grin spread across Tyler’s face. He had scored his first goal as a Pittsburgh Penguin, and tied the game with the Sabers at 1-1. 

They ended up winning the game, blowing Buffalo out of the water six to one. Sidney had scored twice along with Geno, Kessel, and Sheary. 

He stripped out of his gear, tossing the Pittsburgh gold into the laundry bin in the center of the room. He padded over to the showers, and tried to think positive. He had scored a goal, and he had woken up from his nap to a text from Murray asking him to get breakfast with him and Sheary, and Rusty the next morning. Maybe he was putting too much pressure on the situation, and things would be okay. He’d talk to Lemieux about how permanent his new place on the team would be. Then he would go about finding a place to live. It would all be okay. Even if Sidney was ignoring him.


	3. Three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello :)
> 
> This chapter/fic is unbetaed, and I apologize for any and all mistakes.
> 
> I don't own any of these characters/people, nothing that happens in this is real, it’s all fake.  
> There is a lot of handwaving regarding games, practices and how trades work.
> 
> Let me know if I missed any warnings or tags.
> 
> Matt Murray has a girlfriend in real life, and they do have a super cute puppy according to tumblr. Everything else about her is completely made up, including her name, I hope that's okay! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you think!

Tyler decided that he liked Pamela’s Diner. He had gotten the morning after special, and was incredibly pleased with his eggs, bacon and hot cake stuffed with bananas, walnuts and whipped cream. Turns out a hotcake was essentially a mix between a pancake and a crepe. Needless to say Tyler decided that he was a fan. 

He had expected things to be uncomfortable at breakfast. Murray had picked him up at Lemieux’s and driven them to the Strip District in Pittsburgh. The drive was short, but mostly silent. Tyler had still been half asleep, having spent the last night tossing and turning. He missed his dogs, and his own bed. He felt displaced, unsure if he was going to be around long enough to call Pittsburgh home, but free floating without a safe place, or a home base. 

Conor Sheary was hilarious. Tyler hadn’t been expecting that. He and Bryan Rust were already waiting at the diner when Tyler and Murray arrived and waved enthusiastically when they walked in. 

“Thought you got lost Muzz,” Teased Sheary as Murray sat down. He flipped off the forward, rolling his eyes good naturally. 

“Not all of us wanna slide off the road and die,” Murray said, “plus I’m a parent now, gotta look out for the son.”

Tyler’s eyes widened and he glanced over at Murray shocked. He had no idea that the twenty two year old had a child. He felt guilty, like he was taking Murray away from his family. 

“Oh my god,” said Sheary, “You didn’t have a fucking son, you got a puppy.” 

Tyler suppressed a smile. His dogs were his kids too, and a puppy made more sense than a real live living breathing child. It also made more sense as to why he was just hearing about it. Though he was a little sad that Murray was holding out on him. He was probably in the possession of cute puppy photos. 

“Beckham is my son, and he’s perfect,” Murray argued. Tyler was sensing that this was an argument than had been had before. 

“They’ve been going back and forth since Muzz and Chris picked up the fur ball,” said Rust as if he was letting Tyler in on a secret. 

“Ah,” Tyler said, turning back to Murray and Sheary who were still squabbling good naturally. 

“Dogs are children though,” Tyler said, injecting his own two cents. 

“HA!” Murray shouted, Tyler was surprised he didn’t stand up to gloat. 

“Thanks, Seguin,” grumbled Sheary, though his eyes sparkled, making it clear it was meant kindly. He turned back to look at Murray. 

“Chris is really raising him though,” Sheary said. “You just fuck off to play hockey all over the continent and give him treats and snuggles when you’re home.” 

“Someone has to be the bread winner,” Murray said. 

“Again, that someone is going to be Chris,” teased Sheary. 

Murray looked down, “Someone needs to pay off Chris’ loans?” He tried. 

Rust snorted and looked took a sip of his coffee. 

“Chris goes to Pitt Law,” Rust explained and Tyler nodded. 

“So not only is she going to make more than you, but she’s also smarter?” Tyler asked fighting back a smile. 

“Don’t forget that she’s also a better parent.” Sheary chirped and Murray groaned, jokingly face planting into his arms on the table. 

“You guys are so mean to me,” he whined. 

“It’s born out of love Muzz,” said Rust smiling, patting Murray on the back. 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Murray grumbled. 

“The real issue here though is that you have a puppy and I haven’t met him yet,” said Tyler. If he was being perfectly honest he was of the opinion that dogs were better than people. Dogs didn’t break his heart or trade him across the country. Dogs loved everyone. 

“He’s a Newfoundland,” Murray added helpfully, “He’s only like three months though so he’s still a little fluff nugget.” 

“Puppies are the best, I’ve been thinking about getting another one, Marshall and Cash, my labs, they’re getting older.” Tyler admitted. 

“Want to come by before practice and meet Beckham? Chris has class until six tonight,” Murray said smiling. 

“Til six?” Rust asked, “That’s so late, I only ever took morning classes.” 

Murray made a face. “She has one of those discussion sections tonight.” He explained. 

Sheary groaned in sympathy. “Those are the worst,” he said. “It’s so awkward you just have to sit in a room and talk about reading you didn’t do, that you don’t care about, with people you don’t like.” 

“Oh shit,” Tyler said, “You went to UMass didn’t you?” 

Sheary smiled and nodded. “Yep, Massachusetts boy through and through- before moving to Pittsburgh of course.” He glanced down at the table, flushing scarlet. “Not going to lie though, I feel like I need to get this off my chest, I totally had your jersey when you played in Boston.” 

“Oh god,” Tyler said, “Really? I’m surprised you don’t hate me then.” 

Sheary shrugged, then smiled wickedly. “Well, you made it to breakfast today.” 

***

“Can we talk for a minute?” Tyler asked, as he helped Lemieux bring the plates from dinner into the kitchen. He set those that he was holding into the sink, and wiped his sweaty palms against his jeans. Nervousness vibrating through his chest. 

“Of course,” Lemieux said smiling, “We can go up to my office.” 

Tyler nodded and followed Lemieux into the cozy space. There was a heavy wood desk facing the door on one side of the room, a framed Penguins jersey and a framed team Canada jersey next to it. 

“Medals and rings are in the safety despite box,” Lemieux admitted, answering the question Tyler hadn’t known how to ask. “Keeping them around just felt too flashy.” 

“Makes sense,” Tyler thought about his own Stanley cup ring, last he had seen it, it was in his mother’s possession in Toronto.

“So,” said Lemieux sitting down at the desk and gesturing for Tyler to take a seat on one of the plush leather chairs facing it. “What did you want to discuss? You look terrified.” 

Tyler flushed and picked at a lose thread on the sleeve of his new Penguins hoodie. He thought about meeting Beckham Murray the puppy after practice. He had been in high spirits before going to afternoon skate. He got along great with Muzz, Rusty and Conor. They had essentially adopted him into their rookie circle. Tyler was happy to be included even though he had spent more time in the league than the three of them. 

Muzz had given him the contact information for his real estate agent, the one that had helped him find the cute four bedroom he had moved into with Chris in Sewickley. He had mentioned that there were a few nice places not too far from his on the market. Tyler knew he needed his own place, but he needed to talk to Lemieux before he took action.

Practice had gone less than stellar. Coach Sullivan was testing him out on a line with Sidney and Conor. Towards the end of practice, Sidney had turned on him, snapping aggressively to get his shit together. None of their passes were connecting and it was clear that Sidney was frustrated. Tyler had swallowed hard and noted, watching Sidney skate away and then stomp down the tunnel. 

Call-me-Geno Malkin had skated up after him, and mumbled a frantic heavily accented apology for Sidney’s behavior before chasing after the angry captain. Tyler had showered quickly after practice and took an Uber back to Lemieux’s feeling like shit. 

He knew that players got frustrated, but it felt like Sidney hated him in particular. He had always thought that while the two of them weren’t close, that they were at least friendly. They sent each other Christmas cards. But Sidney was making it clear there was no place for Tyler on the Penguins. Tyler had tried to disregard it before, but there had always been rumors circulating that if you didn’t get along with Sidney you found yourself traded or fired. 

“I um, I was wondering, ah, how permanent this was going to be? My contract is technically up at the end of the season, and ah, I was wondering if this was something that was going to be long term, like should I buy a house? Or just find somewhere to that rents monthly?” Tyler said awkwardly, stumbling over his words and hating himself as he spoke. 

Lemieux looked shocked for a moment, but regained his composure before speaking. “I was sure it had been made clear that this was meant to be a long term partnership? Unless you are unhappy here in Pittsburgh that is.” 

“No, no, I mean, I like Pittsburgh, I think, I’m still adjusting, I just, Sidney hates me.” Tyler said in a rush. 

Lemieux raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think that Sid hates you,” he said softly. His eyes shone like he knew something that Tyler didn’t. 

“Flower and Sid were incredibly close, the trade hit him hard. He also doesn’t deal with change or things that are out of his control well.” Lemieux tried to explain. “But I can assure you with complete confidence that he doesn’t hate you, quiet the opposite actually.” 

Tyler glanced down at his bare feet and bit his lip. Talking to Lemieux was making him feel like a little kid. He knew that his words about Sidney were supposed to be comforting, but Tyler was still almost positive that Lemieux was wrong about his opinions. 

“I’ll get Jim to send over a copy of a contract extension to your agent,” Lemieux said, “In the mean time, you’re welcome to stay with us for as long as you want or need, but don’t hesitate about getting a your own place because you’re worried about getting traded. I’m sure Jim would be happy to work out a no trade clause if it would make you feel better.” 

Tyler’s eyes widened to the point where he was sure he looked like a cartoon character. No team had ever even considered offering him a no trade clause before. He was a liability, shuffled from Boston to Dallas to Pittsburgh. He had been sure that Pittsburgh would be waiting for the next chance to ship him away. But if Lemieux was serious, they actually wanted him to stay. 

“Thank you,” Tyler managed to stutter, surprise still curling in his chest. He felt lighter all of a sudden. Even if Sidney didn’t like him, he would be able to rebuild his life here, without fear of being sent away.


	4. Four.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello :)
> 
> This chapter/fic is unbetaed, and I apologize for any and all mistakes.
> 
> I don't own any of these characters/people, nothing that happens in this is real, it’s all fake.  
> There is a lot of handwaving regarding games, practices, trades and house buying works.
> 
> Let me know if I missed any warnings or tags.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you think!
> 
> You can say hi to me on tumblr at allylikethecat , sometimes I even remember that I have a tumblr! 
> 
> Thank you! Have a great day!

Tyler willed the tears filling his eyes not to fall as he found himself wrapped in his mothers embrace. He towered over her, but there was something about a mother’s affection that made him feel like a little kid all over again. 

“I missed you,” Tyler mumbled, his words muffled by her hair before Jackie Seguin pulled away. 

“How are you doing hon?” she asked and Tyler shrugged, trying to go for nonchalant as his new teammates filtered out of the UPMC Lemieux Sports Complex following their optional skate. 

“It’s fine, I’m still getting adjusted,” Tyler said. His mother raised an eyebrow and Tyler knew he would be spilling everything once he was in the passenger seat of her rental car. 

“Well, I talked to that real estate agent you told me about, and I’ve set up a few showings for places I think you’ll like,” his mother said. Tyler smiled gratefully knowing she was giving him an out, at least for now.

When Tyler had called a few days prior to tell her what Lemieux has said, and about the new contract he had just sighed, she had offered to fly down and help him get settled. He had no shame in admitting how fast he jumped on her offer. From that point on she had almost completely taken over his house search. She knew it was just another thing looming over his head, contributing to his feelings of displacement. 

“Well, I know you just finished practice, but how would you feel about going to look at two of the houses and then getting lunch?” Jackie asked and Tyler shrugged. 

“If you’re feeling up to it,” he said, “I mean, are you tired from your flight?” 

“Honey, it’s an hour long flight, Pittsburgh is closer to Toronto than Dallas and Boston were.” She paused, “plus, I’m really excited about a few of these places, I think you’ll really like them.”

Tyler smiled, “lead the way then.” He climbed into the passenger seat of her rental SUV and she texted Becca the real estate agent to say that they were on their way, then started up the GPS. 

“I’m happy you’re here,” Tyler said softly, fiddling with the sleeve of his Penguin’s hoodie. The material was soft and gray, the Penguins logo on the center of the chest with his number nineteen on the upper left side. He pulled the sleeves down over his hands, and fought back a shiver, wishing he hadn’t tossed his newly purchased Canada Goose coat into the back seat. 

“I’m happy I get to be here,” his mother said, “I just wish I could have come sooner.” 

“You’re here now,” Tyler said. He had been a wreck when he first arrived in Pittsburgh. He was happy his mother hadn’t been there to see it. 

Fifteen minutes later they made it to the first house on his mother’s list. It was small, smaller than Tyler was looking for. It had a decent sized back yard but he wasn’t wild about it. It would need a lot of work for it to feel like the home he had left behind in Dallas, and he wasn’t sure he had the mental stamina to put in the work it would need. 

His mother and Becca, a tall slim dark haired woman had nodded in understanding. 

The next house was better, closer to what Tyler had envisioned. Except this time he found himself on the opposite side of the spectrum. It was too big and too modern. It made Tyler feel small and alone. His mother had said it would feel more home like once he decorated and once there was furniture but he had shaken his head. He wanted someplace that felt like home. 

 

“Let’s break for lunch then I have three more you might like.” Jackie said. Tyler nodded. He was getting frustrated even though he had only looked at two houses. He thought of Dallas and Boston. Thought of the houses he had bought and the homes he had left behind. He ran his fingers through his hair, and wished he had grabbed a toque. His ears were cold.   
They drove in silence, his mother sensing Tyler’s frosty mood. He felt guilty. His mother had taken time off of work to help him and he was being difficult. 

“What do you want to do for lunch?” Tyler asked, breaking the tension. 

“I was thinking we could check out Primanti Brother’s,” Jackie said smiling. “I’ve always wanted to try it- is it any good?” 

Tyler frowned, “I don’t know,” he said, “I’ve never been there.” 

Jackie’s eyes widened and she turned to look at Tyler as they waited at a red light. 

“You mean to tell me, that you’ve been in Pittsburgh for a week and a half already and you haven’t gone to Primanti Brother’s?” Jack asked. She shook her head. “God, I thought I raised you better than this.” 

“I’ve been a little busy,” Tyler mumbled, holding onto the door handle as the light turned green and his mother quickly cut through three lanes of traffic. 

“No one should be too busy for French fry sandwiches,” Jackie said gravely, swinging into a parking spot and killing the engine. 

Tyler rolled his eyes, and got out of the car. Shoving his hands into his pockets. 

“I don’t know if French fry sandwiches are in my diet plan,” he said. It was Jackie’s turn to roll her eyes. 

“Honey, you’re too skinny, your nutritionist would love it if you ate French fry sandwiches, maybe it would help keep you from getting squished every time you get hit.” Jackie said. Tyler huffed, and following his mother inside the restaurant. It was surprisingly busy for one thirty on a Tuesday. 

“How are your girls doing?” Tyler asked when they were seated. He scanned the menu. He bit his lip. The sandwiches did sound good. 

“They’re doing well,” Jackie said, “sad that I left them with Jared but I promised I’d try and get a picture with Sidney Crosby.” Jackie coached the girl’s high school hockey team in their Toronto suburb. 

“What, I’m not good enough for them anymore?” Tyler asked. His mother’s girls had always been disinterested in him despite the fact that he was an NHL player and a Stanley Cup Champion. 

“Yeah, but Sid scored that golden goal.” Jackie teased. Tyler looked down. 

“Well, I don’t know if you’ll be able to get that picture,” Tyler said softly. It seemed like it was time for that conversation he had been avoiding. “Sidney hates me.” 

“Honey,” said Jackie, “I doubt Sidney hates you, he probably just doesn’t know you very well yet.” 

Tyler shook his head. “I haven’t even had a chance to get to know him, he hates me mom, I don’t know what I did but he looks at me like I killed his dog or something, the only time he actually acknowledges me is to yell at me at practice about how I suck.” 

He couldn’t meet his mother’s eyes as he fiddled with the straw of the ice tea the waitress had just brought him. 

“It’ll get better,” Jackie said. Tyler blinked realizing the tears were back. 

“I just, I want to go back to Dallas,” Tyler confessed. “Like, Muzz and Sheary, and Rusty are cool, and Malkin seems nice, but it’s just hard when your captain hates you.” 

“I know you miss Dallas right now, but think of what a great opportunity this is, you’re so much closer to home, you get to have seasons again? You don’t have to play with your ex everyday, they signed you to a no trade clause? Pittsburgh is going to be a really good thing,” Jackie said. “It hasn’t even been two weeks yet, you just need to give it a little more time. It’s a good chance to start over, reinvent yourself.” 

“I guess,” Tyler said. Luckily the conversation was ended when their waitress brought their food. Tyler looked down at his double egg and cheese sandwich, the coleslaw and French fries bulging out from the silences of Italian bread. He sighed, it did look good. He took a bite. It tasted even better. 

***

They hadn’t even made it through the front door of the third house before Tyler was shaking his head. 

“No,” he said, “This isn’t it.” 

“Are you sure?” his mother asked. “You haven’t even seen the inside yet.”

“It has a great open floor plan,” Becca the real estate agent added. 

But Tyler just shook his head. “No, I just no, can we go see the next one?”

The fourth house was less awful; it had a farmhouse design, a spacious kitchen and was painted in warm neutral colors. It had a fenced in backyard but Tyler wasn’t a huge fan of the steps leading up to the front door. 

“When you come home drunk those are the kind of stairs you trip and die on.” Tyler said. His mother signed and hid her face behind her hand. Becca looked at Tyler with concern. 

They pulled up in front of the fifth house and Tyler cocked his head to the side, a smile threatening to make an appearance across his lips. There was a walkway next to a drive way and detached garage way leading to the front door. There was only one step up to the porch for Tyler to drunkenly slip on, which was an improvement over the last house.

The exterior was painted a soft blue, with an off white trim. Even with the snow covered lawn it looked nice. There was a modest size front porch and Tyler could already envision putting a few chairs out there and handing out candy to trick or treat-ers on Halloween. There was also a decent front yard with a large maple tree. Tyler smiled, he liked the tree. He didn’t have any maple trees in Dallas. 

“The backyard is also fenced in, it would be great for the dogs,” Becca said cautiously as Tyler and Jackie silently followed her onto the porch. She unlocked the front door. It opened up into a hardwood entry way, a grand staircase leading to the second floor off to the side when you walked in. 

There was a large living room, a dinning room and a family room that open into the kitchen, the kitchen featuring a breakfast nook. The counters were granite with stainless steel appliances. The entire space was painted in soft grays and other neutral tones. Tyler bit his lip; so far he was a fan. 

“Let’s check out the upstairs and the I can take you into the backyard,” Becca said. Once Tyler saw the master bedroom he was sold. It was huge, taking up half of the top floor. There was a walk in closet, a rain shower, Jacuzzi tub, and a reading nook. Tyler was sold the second he saw the reading nook. There were three more bedrooms upstairs. The basement was finished. There was a fenced in backyard, with both a deck and a patio. 

Tyler turned to look at Becca. “I’ll take it.” He said. 

“What?” she asked, “Don’t you want to talk about pricing?” Tyler shook his head and Jackie fought back a laugh. She had a feeling that this was going to be the house Tyler fell in love with. It’s why she had saved it for last. 

“Not really, is a check okay? I have my checkbook in the car, I want it, this house is mine.” Tyler said. “How soon can I move in?” 

“You can close in the next few days, you’ll probably be able to move in in the next week and a half or so?” Becca said hesitantly. Jackie shook her head, fighting a smile. Tyler was always so determined when there was something that he decided he wanted. 

“Good, yeah I mean, will it go faster if I just meet asking price? What is asking price?” Tyler asked. He was getting excited. There was a reading nook! And a breakfast nook. He didn’t even have to do any work to the place. He liked all the colors and everything appeared to be in good shape. 

“It’s just under a million,” Becca said and Tyler nodded. “Whom do I make the check out to?” He turned to Jackie.

“Now I just need to get my stuff shipped up from Dallas and my house down there on the market.” Tyler said. “Most of the furniture I have will look great in this space.” Tyler paused and looked at his mother. He flushed. 

“I want a new bed though, I just, I don’t really want the old one anymore if I’m starting over like you said, new memories and stuff.” 

Jackie grinned. “I’m sure that can be arranged.”


	5. Five.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi :) 
> 
> This chapter/fic is unbetaed, and I apologize for any and all mistakes.
> 
> I don't own any of these characters/people, nothing that happens in this is real, it’s all fake.  
>  There is a lot of handwaving regarding games, practices, and trades work. (I’ve also completely thrown the actual game schedule out the window) 
> 
> Let me know if I missed any warnings or tags.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you think!
> 
> You can say hi to me on tumblr at allylikethecat , sometimes I even remember that I have a tumblr!
> 
> Thank you! Have a great day!

Saying goodbye to his mother at the airport was a lot harder than Tyler thought it was going to be. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy, it never was, but after having her in town for the week, Tyler had gotten used too, and comfortable with her being around. He felt less like he was floated untethered through uncharted waters with her in Pittsburgh. He had someone to spend time with, someone to share meals with that weren’t the Lemieux family. 

His team in Dallas had over time become like a second family. Having yet to form the bond, and sense of camaraderie with his teammates, having an actual member of his family in town had done wonders on Tyler’s outlook on life. 

Even as Tyler grew closer with Muzz, Sheary and Rusty, there was still the feeling of not belonging, never mind what the contract he had signed stated. He hoped that those feelings would continue to be remedied when he moved into his new house. The first wave of his furniture had been dropped off, along with his new bed. Marshall and Cash would be arriving the next week. He couldn’t wait, without the dogs it felt like a piece of himself were missing. However, for the time being he was still staying in Lemieux’s guest suite. 

Overall, the week had been productive. Tyler thought as he made sure to drive past his new home on the way back from the airport. The sun had already set and the house was dark but it still sent a thrill down his spine knowing that it was his. 

He had decided to keep his mother’s rental car until his Mercedes SUV made it to Pennsylvania. He had played in two games, one that they lost and one that they won. He had picked up three assists. He had bought a house, a bed, and arranged for his things to be sent up from Dallas, and his Dallas home to be placed on the market. He had also sold his Audi and Ferrari. He would buy another sedan in Pittsburgh when the weather warmed up- and there was no point in keeping a sports car in a city with such harsh winters. He was even a little hesitant about the Mercedes and the pothole, ice and slush covered roads. He had never driven the SUV in snow before. Growing up he had a pick up truck and in Boston he had a Maserati in the warmer months and a Lexus SUV in the winter. He was pretty sure his sister had sent him a YouTube video of a G Class sliding off a snowy road when he bought the car. 

When he presented this concerns to his mother she had laughed and had made fun of him for calling the Pittsburgh winters harsh. She took great joy in teasing him that Dallas had made him soft. He had finally bought a pair of boots, or rather his mother had purchased a pair for him. She was tired of seeing him slip around in his vans, and then complaining about how his toes were cold and his socks were wet. Tyler was greatly looking forward to a greater variety in his wardrobe once his clothing arrived. Though, he probably should have just donated most of it, he doubted he would have much use for the abundance of warm weather ware he had compiled over the years. 

They had a matinee game in Philadelphia the next afternoon and he was not looking forward to it. Somehow Philly had accumulated even more snow than Pittsburgh had. Plus, playing the Flyers had never been fun, and Muzz had been going on about how awful they were as a Penguin all week. Muzz looked extra sad whenever the Flyers game was mentioned, making it while known that while the skating players were checked and slashed all over the ice, he had them purposely trying to hit him in the face and neck with the puck. In addition, he said quietly, almost so softly that Tyler nearly didn’t hear him, the press would be after him if they lost. Trading Fluery had been a controversial move, and Tyler knew some of the pressure and press was starting to get to Muzz. 

The dislike between Crosby and Giroux was well known, and Sidney had been in even more of a mood leading up to the game. However, unlike Muzz’s mostly lighthearted complaints, Sidney grew even colder. Tyler had to take a minute after practice that morning, focusing on his breathing and pull himself together before he showered and changed into his street clothes. He didn’t want his other to see the clear unhappiness he wore heavily in his shoulders. After a shower and a “good job” from Kessel he had felt lighter, but it didn’t undo Sidney’s hostility. 

It wasn’t even like he was being actively mean, thought Tyler as he parked in the driveway and headed toward the Lemieux household. It was more so that he just wasn’t as friendly or as welcoming as Tyler wanted him to be. He wasn’t even sure why it was bothering him so much. He opened the front door and slipped inside, luckily he had gotten past the point of feeling like he needed to knock every time he entered the house. 

He headed straight upstairs, moving past his own guest suite and towards Lemieux’s office. He wanted to talk to him about the game against the Flyers. Normally he would talk to his captain before a big game, to help settles his nerves, but talking to Sidney wasn’t an option like speaking to Jamie or Chara had been. Plus Lemieux was Le Magnifique, if there was anyone who could give him any kind of advice it would be Lemieux. 

He could see from the end of the hall that the door as partially open, light spilling out. Lemieux had repeatedly stressed that an open door was an invitation to come chat, and Tyler figured now was a good of time as any to make good on that offer. He froze a few feet from the door when he heard voices within the office. His blood ran cold when he heard his name. 

He didn’t mean to eavesdrop but he found himself rooted in place, unable to move. He swallowed hard and tried not to breathe too loudly. 

“Seguin’s a good kid,” Lemieux was saying and Tyler exhaled slowly, straining to hear more. He wondered whom Lemieux was talking to. 

“You’ve said that before,” a voice said, and with a jolt Tyler realized that it was Sidney. “You said it before the World Cup, you said it before the trade was finalized. Just because you keep saying it doesn’t mean anything is going to change.” 

Tyler swallowed hard, and blinked rapidly finding his eyes suddenly wet. 

“You’re letting your feelings get the better of you Sidney,” Lemieux said softly, almost too softly for Tyler too hear. He heard someone exhale before Sidney spoke again.

“I know, I just fuck, I hate being in this position, and I know I’m not handling it the way a captain should.” Sidney explained. He paused. “I miss Flower.” 

“I know, I know, and for what it’s worth I’m sorry it ended up playing out this way. Just think of what I great opportunity this is,” Lemieux said. “Plus you can’t just keep ignoring the issue, you need to address it at some point.” 

“See! Even you think it’s an issue!” Sidney said, his voice suddenly getting louder with frustration. 

Tyler’s eyes grew wetter and he carefully crept backwards, away from the half open door. He felt sick to his stomach. Despite all of the nice things Lemieux had said to him, despite his newly signed contract and his shiny no trade clause, Tyler was still an issue. He had thought that he and Sidney were, at least on some level friends. However, evidently that wasn’t the case. 

He made it back to the guest suite without running into anyone, which he was incredibly thankful for. He blinked back the tears that threatened to spill as he flopped onto the bed, burying his face in one of the pillows. He focused on his breathing. He didn’t want to be an issue. He hated that was a reputation that he carried with him. Even after all the hard work he had put into Dallas, his mistakes in Boston were still looming like a dark cloud, everyone waiting for the storm to hit. 

It made sense now, thought Tyler. He rolled over onto his back. Or, it didn’t make sense but the pieces were starting to fit together. Sidney still saw him as the problem that was scratched for missing breakfast in Boston, who showed up to practice still drunk and who pushed and pushed everyone around him until they hit a breaking point. Turned out Sidney only wanted to be his friend when Tyler wasn’t his full time problem.

He hardly even drank anyone. Whenever he went out in Dallas he would spend the night nursing a single beer or a glass of wine. He didn’t want to put himself in those situations, those less than stellar positions anymore. It had gotten even easier when he and Jamie had started dating. Even after they had broken up, Tyler realized that he actually kind of liked the person he was turning into. The newer, older version of Tyler seemed to kind of have their life together.

He wished there was a way to show Sidney who he really was now. But he knew that his captain was only seeing what he wanted to, and likely wouldn’t give him a chance to show that he had changed. Tyler wished there was someone he could call. He pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts. He thought about the people he considered himself close too. 

With a jolt he realized there wasn’t many. This also wasn’t something he felt like he could talk to Jamie about, even though despite everything the man was still his best friend. They hadn’t spoken since Tyler had asked for space, and as part of his becoming a new better version of himself; he knew that he still wasn’t ready. Tyler always felt guilty complaining to Brownie about his NHL woos. Brownie was his boy, but again this wasn’t a conversation for them to be having. He and Marchy somehow managed to remain just as close even though Tyler had been traded across the country and Marchy had gotten married and adopted his stepson. He thought about calling his former line mate, he went as far as to pull up the contact. His finger hovered over the call button. He closed out of the phone app. 

Something didn’t feel right about calling a friend or even a family member to complain about a conversation that he shouldn’t have been listening too anyway. His mom would tell him that eavesdropping was wrong, and then she would worry about him for being sad again. 

He wondered if he felt better or worse, after finding out at least some of the truth. It hurt right now, but at least Tyler had his answer for the long run. He was an issue, and he needed to work even harder to show Sidney, to show Lemieux, to show everyone that wasn’t the case anymore.


	6. Six.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! 
> 
> This chapter/fic is unbetaed, and I apologize for any and all mistakes.
> 
> I don't own any of these characters/people, nothing that happens in this is real, it’s all fake.
> 
> I want to apologize in advance, updates are going to be extremely sporadic if they happen at all in the up coming months, I’m going to be traveling around Eastern Europe and I’m not sure what my ability to update will be. This story will be finished though! I’m too attached to it for it not to be, it just might take a while, for which I apologize. (And hope you stick with it! Maybe I’ll surprise myself and be able to update consistently!) 
> 
> Let me know if I missed any warnings or tags.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you think!
> 
> You can say hi to me on tumblr at allylikethecat , sometimes I even remember that I have a tumblr!
> 
> Thank you! Hope all is well! :)

“I’m fine I swear,” Tyler said, blinking through the blood that was dripping from the cut on his forehead and into his eyes. Their trainer, Patrick, shook his head, and handed Tyler a towel. Phil had already left the game after taking a nasty hit, just barely legal. He had been winded and there was concern about a possibly broken rib. Tyler had been bumped up from his place on fourth line, to Phil’s place on the third for the time being. 

“You need stitches and a new helmet,” he said, “I don’t know if you noticed with all the blood but your visor is cracked.” 

Tyler blinked again. He actually hadn’t realized that it was cracked. He took off his helmet and looked at the side. Along the side where the visor was screwed into the helmet there were a collection of thin cracks, stemming from where he had gotten tangled up with a stray stick that then caught him in the eyebrow under the visor. 

“We’ll get you stitched up, go through the concussion test real quick, grab a new helmet and then you should be good to come back by the third period.” Patrick said, trying to be reassuring. Tyler nodded, pressing the towel to the cut and following the trainer down the tunnel and into the visitor’s locker room. 

“Don’t die dude,” Rusty said, swatting at Tyler’s ass as he left the bench. Tyler smiled to himself through the blood dripping down his face, knowing that his injury looked worse than it was.

Twenty minutes later Tyler had four stitches above his eyebrow, the start of a nasty black eye, no concussion. He was wearing a brand new helmet, and a new jersey, having bled on the one he has started the game with. . He sat next to Muzz in the locker room, listening as Sully gave them a run down of the plan for the next period. They were tied three to three going into the third, and Tyler knew the entire team was aching for a win. 

“We’re going to make a little change,” said Sully and Tyler redirected his attention away from the rubber flooring and back up to his new coach. “Seguin, you’re playing right wing with Malkin and Guentzel,” he paused, “Hornqviest, you’re with Hagelin and Bonino.” 

The period break ended and they retook the ice. Malkin-call-me-Geno smiled at Tyler when he passed him heading down the tunnel. 

“We play good new liney,” Malkin said, “We beat carrots.” 

 

They didn’t end up beating the Flyers. They ended up losing six to three. While they had been evenly matched for the first two periods, the Penguins fell apart in the third, meanwhile the Flyers decided they were out for blood. 

Giroux took a run at Muzz, after which he was visibly shaken. It caused Sidney to drop his gloves, in a less than spectacular fight that ended with Sidney exiting the ice to get his head checked, after he ended up being knocked heavily backwards onto the ice. The Flyers scored three times in fifteen minutes after that. 

Sidney was going to be on concussion watch for the next forty-eight hours as a precaution, though it was unlikely he would develop symptoms. However, with his history the Penguins training preferred to air on the side of caution. He looked grim as he boarded the plane. He sat down near the front. As Tyler moved past him he realized that the expression painting Sidney’s features was shame and guilt. Tyler wondered if he was blaming himself for the loss. 

Muzz was silent as Tyler followed behind him onto the jet. He curled himself into a seat near the back of the plane, twisting his long limbs into a pretzel like shape. He had pulled a blanket from the overhead compartment and wrapped himself in it. He kept his headphones on and his eyes downcast. 

Tyler swallowed hard and continued past Murray, choosing a seat in the second to last row. They had fallen into the habit of sitting together on roadies, but even Tyler knew better than to try and pester him when he was like this. It wasn’t Muzz’s fault. They had been outplayed by the Flyers but Tyler knew that didn’t keep Muzz from blaming himself, especially after Giroux had knocked him off balance. After the game Tyler had caught him speaking to Sully, his voice low as he asked why he hadn’t been pulled. Tyler didn’t hear Sully’s response but it must of hit Matt hard. He nodded once sharply and finished dressing quickly, pulling a beanie over still wet hair. Muzz had exited the locker room so they could get on the bus to the airport, Tyler trailing behind like a lost puppy. 

Tyler wished that he knew how to help make Muzz feel better, but he also knew that a loss was a disappointment and that everyone dealt with it in their own way. Goalies in particular were their own special breed. After a loss Muzz needed space. 

After a loss, Tyler was the opposite; he needed to be around people. In Boston that meant getting black out drunk and grinding with scantily clad girls and boys in clubs and bars. It meant taking them back to his apartment, for nights he barely remembered. In Dallas it meant Jamie. He hadn’t been in Pittsburgh long enough, and hadn’t lost a game as a Penguin before now, so he didn’t have a plan. He chewed on his lower lip, their plane taking off. He wished he had thought to grab a pack of gum, pressure settling uncomfortably in his ears. He moved his jaw back and forth trying to equalize them. 

He fidgeted in his seat, a restless energy settling under his skin. It would be around eight by the time they got back to Pittsburgh, probably around eight thirty when he got back to Lemieux’s. That meant that Tyler had an hour to figure out what he was going to do next. 

Sidney and Lemieux had already acknowledged that he was an issue. He didn’t want to give them even more of a reason to think of him as a liability. He didn’t drink much anymore. It had lost its charm after he was sent away the first time. Picking it up again didn’t have the appeal he remembered. 

Tyler ran his fingers through his hair. He needed to make some more friends in Pittsburgh. Maybe he would go for a run outside. In Dallas he ran outside every morning, but in Pittsburgh he had stuck to the treadmill in Lemieux’s home gym or one of the treadmills at their rink. Then again, the air hurt his face walking to the house from his car, so maybe running outside wouldn’t be as fun as he wanted it to be. He was getting tired of the treadmill though. He wondered if he would be able to work something out with the University of Pittsburgh, back in Boston he had an arrangement with Boston University where they allowed him to run on their indoor track. He volunteered with one of their youth hockey camps in exchange. He hadn’t needed an arrangement in Dallas, the weather always nearly perfect. 

Maybe he would even start taking classes, Tyler mused. That was something he had wanted to do in Dallas. But he had been too caught up in the depression of being unwanted, followed by his infatuation with Jamie. 

His jumbled thoughts were interrupted by someone sitting down in the seat next to him. He looked up, and blinked, then winced as it pulled at his stitches, a dull headache appeared at the front of his skull, suddenly deciding to remind him he had gotten whacked in the face. It wasn’t Muzz, Sheary or Rusty. But rather it was Malkin-Call-Me-Geno. 

“You play well,” said Malkin, Tyler shrugged. “It was nice have you on wing,” he continued. Tyler wasn’t sure why Malkin had decided half way through the flight to sit with him, or why he was trying to strike up a conversation now of all times. 

Malkin had never been unfriendly to him, always saying hello and making small talk in the locker room. Tyler’s first few days with the team Malkin had enthusiastically shown off pictures of his son Nicky, and his dog, Jeffery, and his wife Anna. Tyler was new and lonely, and as Sheary had put it later, a new victim. 

“Thanks, I just wish we could have gotten a win for Muzz, or that it at least could have been a closer game,” Tyler said and Malkin nodded. 

“Yes, baby goalie deserve better than we give,” Malkin said. He paused, “You also deserve better welcome than we give.” 

Tyler cocked his head to the side in confusion. He hadn’t been expecting anymore than they had given him. He was staying with the owner of the team, and he had made friends with the group of “rookies.” Sure, he had expected Sidney to reach out more, like Chara had when he was drafted, and like Jamie had when he was traded. He had actually expected to see more of Sidney if he was being honest, since he had thought they were friends. 

Malkin exhaled then tried again. “I mean, Sid job as Captain, my job as A to make feel welcome, we not do a great job.” 

“You did fine, I’m not some rookie called up for the first time, this is the third team I’ve played on in seven years,” Tyler said. He took a deep breath, “and I know that I wasn’t anyone’s first choice in a trade, and that Fleury leaving is really hard for everyone.”

Malkin shrugged, “We’re happy to have you, you good player, and good guy,” he said nodding as if pleased with the way his words were flowing. “But still deserve better, we get food soon, Russian food, Russian best, Sid is a dumb Canadian, act foolish, not fair to you, I fix,” Malkin said and Tyler smiled. 

“People have always told me Crosby was prickly,” Tyler said, “I can’t say I’m that surprised, I can see how I could be a distraction with my history and stuff.” He finished nonchalantly. 

Suddenly he wondered if Malkin knew what Sidney’s specific problem with him was. Soon his thoughts were snowballing again and he wondered what he could do to fix it, so that Sidney would like him again. He shook his head realizing just how toxic that train of thought was. 

“Not you’re fault, Sid dumb Canadian, not know what to do with good thing, you see,” Malkin said. 

Tyler smiled, not sure what Malkin meant, but surprising himself by realizing that he was starting to feel better. 

“Thanks dude,” said Tyler, reaching up to fist bump Malkin.

Malkin grinned, “Frat boy,” he said. 

Tyler shrugged. “Maybe, never went to college though.” 

“You young,” Malkin teased. 

“Because you’re so old,” Tyler teased before turning serious, “but I have been thinking about looking into online classes or something, feel like I need a backup plan or something.” 

“Sid take classes online, Sid can do, you can do.” Malkin said, his expression open and earnest. Tyler’s smile grew, realizing that Malkin actually thought he could do it. 

After that their conversation turned into a comfortable silence and Tyler’s mind wandered once again. He realized that while taking online classes was something that had always been in the bad of his mind, it was never something that he had vocalized before. He didn’t know why they were coming to the surface now, after a trade and a miserable loss in Philadelphia.

He’d look into it in the morning he decided, and he was going to attempt that run when they got back despite the snow. He knew he probably shouldn’t, he just played seventeen minutes in a hockey. Talking to Malkin had helped, but Tyler still needed to do something with his excess energy, so despite his better judgment, or maybe because of his better judgment, he was going to go for a run.


	7. Seven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> This chapter/fic is unbetaed, and I apologize for any and all mistakes.
> 
> I don't own any of these characters/people, nothing that happens in this is real, it’s all fake.
> 
> Sorry this is short, and sorry it has been a while since I’ve posted! I am currently traveling around Europe and haven’t had a lot of time to write, and the internet access is also less than stellar. HOWEVER Here is something! Hopefully I’ll be able to get the next up in a more timely fashion! (Things are about to really pick up!) 
> 
> Thank you for sticking with this and reading! <3

Tyler shifted his weight from foot to foot, practically vibrating out of his skin with excitement and filled with more energy than he knew what to do with. He was at the airport. Or rather, more accurately he was at a cargo warehouse at the airport waiting to pick up Marshall and Cash. He was proud of himself, he had only gotten lost on his way to pick them up twice. 

He shivered, and blew on his hands trying to warm them up. Absentmindedly he wished that he had thought to bring gloves. He needed to get into the habit of preparing for winter weather once again. He was just proud of himself for wearing boots. He looked down at the ox blood red doc martens his mother had bought him, his favorite dark gray jeans, half tucked into them to keep the hems from getting wet. She told him he needed to wear more color. He’s not sure if the boots counted or if he was really even a fan but they kept his socks dry so for now he was counting that as a win. 

“You’re really going to let a bunch of dogs all over your car?” Asked Thomas, the attendant who had brought out the box of the dogs’ things. 

Tyler turned back to look at Thomas again, who was looking at Tyler’s Mercedes G Class with aw, as if he couldn’t believe had had just gotten to touch the vehicle. Tyler shrugged. He was kind of over the G wagon. It had fit in well in Dallas, but he was starting to think that it might be a bit over the top for his new life in Pittsburgh. He had added looking for a less flashy car onto his list of things to do. 

The list was getting longer and longer each day. He had moved into his new house, and switched the registration for his car, but he still needed to sell the Dallas place and get a new drivers license. He also needed to face Jamie again at some point, though that was something that he was going to continue putting off for as long as he could. 

“Yeah?” he asked, confused, why wouldn’t his boys be allowed in the car? 

“Just like, it’s a sick car man,” said Thomas, “sucks that it’s going to get all dogged up you know?” 

“They’ve been in the car before,” Tyler said, “besides they’re my boys, and this is just a car.” 

He had very clearly not had any idea who Tyler was, which he was thankful for. After the celebrity of Boston, he had gotten used to being nearly invisible in Dallas, and the freedom it allowed. He wasn’t yet ready to embrace the fanfare that came with playing in a hockey town again. Especially since he knew his trade had become controversial. The city of Pittsburgh had been attached to Fleury and Tyler had a reputation. 

Tyler glanced over at the box of dog supplies that Thomas loaded them into the back of his SUV that had arrived a few days prior. Trying to figure out where to pick up his car had been an entirely different adventure, before he found out that he didn’t even need to pick it up, someone was bringing it to him. He wondered if he should have thought to stop to pick up some more dog food before his boys arrived, or if his dog sitter had sent enough. 

 

Thomas shrugged, “You should probably get some more heavy duty tires on this thing, you’re going to be sliding all over the place.” 

“It’s on my list of things to do,” Tyler said, getting annoyed. He didn’t feel like explaining that he would probably just buy a whole other car. He just wanted to be reunited with his puppies, and he wasn’t super interested in making conversation with an acne-covered kid who had to be a few years younger than even him. He didn’t want to be rude, but he also really did not want to be involved in this conversation. 

He was spared from the forced niceties by a red headed many coming forward, pushing a cart with two large crates on them. Tyler rushed forward, almost knocking into Thomas and quickly opened the cages before dropping to his knees and letting the dogs jump all over him. 

“Marshall! Cash!” he squawked, happily letting the puppies lick his face. He bit back a laugh as Marshall licked up a strip up the side of his face. Thomas made a face and took a step back. Tyler was realizing that he was not a dog person.

“Whose my good boys, whose my good boys, daddy missed you so much,” he cooed. Tyler felt like he was floating on cloud nine completely overwhelmed by the joy of seeing his puppies. 

“Are you guys ready to see your new home?” Tyler asked and clipped a leash onto either dog, then opened the door to the back seat of the car, letting them both jump up onto the seat. 

“Thank you so much,” Tyler said, he handed Thomas and the red head each a twenty-dollar bill, waved and was on his way back to his new house. 

“You’re going to love your new home.” Tyler said pulling onto the high way as he chatted away to the dogs. They didn’t respond, they just continued to pant happily. Tyler smiled, his family was reunited again. 

***

Marshall and Cash pushed against the backs of Tyler’s legs, trying to get around him to see who was at the door. After arriving in Pittsburgh the morning before, the two dogs had been full of boundless energy, refusing to let Tyler out of their sight and enthusiastically jumping into bed with Tyler that evening. 

Marshall was happy as can be to run, jump and roll around the snow in the fenced in backyard. It was like he remembered the snowy winters of New England when he was a puppy, and the snow was deeper than he was tall. Meanwhile, Cash who had always lived in Dallas was more apprehensive. 

He had stuck his face into the snow, then pulled it back quickly and sneezed, looking up at Tyler in confusion. He wished he had thought to videotape the encounter. Tyler smiled and thought of how much Marshall used to hate the elevator in the building his condo was in. 

“Hi Marshall, hi Cash,” said Muzz, dropping to his knees the second he made it through the door into Tyler’s new house, Sheary and Rusty on his heels. He didn’t even bother taking off his coat and boots before he was crawling around the floor with the pups. Cash flopped onto his back for tummy rubs and Tyler grinned, happy that his new friends were taken so quickly by his boys. The dogs continued to nose at Muzz, as if they could smell Beckham all over him. 

“We need to have a puppy play date soon,” said Muzz, and Tyler nodded as if Muzz had read his mind. 

“Oh for sure,” Tyler said. 

“So this is your place,” Said Rusty, glancing around Tyler’s hastily decorated new entryway. Muzz was still sprawled on the floor. 

He nodded, “still settling in, but so far I’m a fan,” he said. “Getting the boys here has really made it start to feel like home.”

“Good,” said Sheary, bumping Tyler’s shoulder after he had toed off his boots and hung his jacket up on a hook in the hall. “I like having you around.” 

Tyler flushed, “I like being around.” 

“Oh my god,” said Muzz standing up, he shook his head at Tyler’s antics. He grinned, “you should show us around and then we should order that pizza.”

“Shit yes, so much,” said Sheary, scratching behind Marshall’s ears as the dog rubbed against the side of his leg. 

“Okay, so this is the entry,” said Tyler smartly, with a wave around the room. He then led the group through the first floor pointing out the kitchen, and the living room. 

“We’re not going to go upstairs though because I haven’t really unpacked and everything is in boxes, but for future reference I’m totally going to have some guest rooms for people to crash in if they get fucked up.” 

Rusty laughed “good, we might need it.”

“Just not tonight because I haven’t actually bought a bed for in there yet,” Tyler admitted. “Also I have Gatorade and water and that’s about it for drinks.”

“Bro we have practice at 6am tomorrow, and I’m not eighteen anymore, I can’t drink and then skate the next morning.” Rusty said. 

Tyler thought about his time on the Bruins and showing up to practice hung over. He shivered, he had almost thrown up on the ice after a particularly nasty bender but luckily Brad had covered for him and he was able to make it back to the locker room. He hardly drank during the season anymore, these days he was such a lightweight and he had no wish to go back to his partying days. He was old now, twenty five whole years old. 

“We should order the pizza now though,” said Muzz, focusing on what was important. He flopped onto the couch, his long limbs splayed every which way, his socks had cartoon fish on them. “That way it’ll get here in between the periods.” 

“Yes, calculated,” said Sheary approvingly, “this is why you’re a goalie, you see the big picture.” 

“Actually I think I’m a goalie because skating seemed like a ton of work and I was the only kid dumb enough to willingly have pucks shot at my face.” Murray admitted. 

“I played defense in peewee,” Tyler said, “but then I kept getting annoyed with our teams offense and started rushing the goalie.” 

“God, I used to hate when kids did that,” said Murray laughing. “I was like I’m ten chill, I barely know how to skate with all this shit on.” 

“At least you guys played juniors and didn’t have to wear the fucking cage forever,” said Sheary. 

Tyler nodded in sympathy, “I can’t even imagine also being forced to wear a mouth guard,” he admitted. 

The rest of the guys winced. “It freaks me out that you don’t wear one,” said, Rusty. Tyler shrugged. 

“I tired when I first started out but I always felt like I was chocking on it,” he explained. “Plus unlike a lot of players who wear a mouth guard all my teeth are real.” He smiled showing off his teeth, the little gap between the two front teeth and all. 

“It still blows my mind that most of Sid’s teeth are fake,” admitted Sheary. 

“And that his jaw is like also fake,” added Muzz. He rubbed as his own jaw line as if thinking of the pain of the injury. 

“Thank god none of us were here for that,” said Rusty, “I feel like Sid would have been even more intense than usual.” 

Tyler stayed quiet, he wasn’t sure what to interject as he fiddled with the Papa John’s website on his iPad, the Toronto-Washington game starting on his television. He rubbed at the back of Marshall’s neck as he decided that he needed to try and climb into Tyler’s lap. His life in Pittsburgh was starting to shape up well, Sidney’s distaste towards him his only true obstacle at this point.


	8. Eight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> This chapter/fic is unbetaed, and I apologize for any and all mistakes.
> 
> I don't own any of these characters/people, nothing that happens in this is real, it’s all fake.
> 
> Sorry this is short, and sorry it has been so long since I’ve posted, and that his chapter is on the shorter side! I am continuing my travels around Europe and once again the Internet has been less than stellar and finding time to write has been a challenge. Things start to really happen in the next chapter!
> 
> Thank you so much for sticking with this and reading! I hope you continue to enjoy this story despite the slow updates! <3

Sidney refused to meet Tyler’s eyes as he addressed the team, giving them the standard pep talk. He made sure to emphasize that they were the better team, and that they were going to crush the Capitals. It felt incredibly obvious and petty that Sidney refused to look at Tyler, seeing as how he was sitting on the floor of the visitor’s locker room, right in front of him. Tyler watched as Sidney’s gaze flickered to the face of each player, specifically avoiding his own. 

When he was done speaking the rest of the team stood up, intending to line up to file onto the ice. It felt almost as if a calm had settled over his body as Sidney turned away from him, angling himself away from Tyler, reaching around to clasp Kessel on the shoulder in encouragement. 

Kessel smiled and Sidney moved on, taking his place near the back of the line. He was always second to last onto the ice, after Malkin that was. Tyler watched from his peripheral vision as the duo finished their ritualistic handshake. Tyler was suddenly struck with how much he missed Jamie, something that he wasn’t expecting. He tried hard not to think too much about the life he had left in Dallas. Dwelling on it was only serving to bring him down. He looked down at his jersey, the white, black and gold marked with number nineteen seemed both so wrong but also so right. It reminded him of his time in Boston; bringing back memories he didn’t know what to do with. It was so very different from the green he had grown accustom to. Even as the weeks went by, black and gold was always jolt.

When he had landed in Dallas, Jamie had been quick to say that despite the resentment and hurt Tyler was feeling, the green suited him more than the black and gold. But now, back in the color pallet Tyler was reminded as to why he had been so proud to wear these colors in the first place, even if his number nineteen was paired with a Penguin instead of a spooked B. 

He was now trying hard to focus solely on looking and moving forward. It was just hard that Sidney always seemed to be blocking his view of the future. His was body thick and full of coiled muscle, without fail, always drawing Tyler’s gaze. He was terrified of being caught staring. When Jamie had caught him the results had been positive. But, Jamie had never hated him, and had welcomed him to Dallas with opened arms. Sidney regarded Tyler as if he wished he could send him back to where he came from. 

Tyler didn’t know what he did, he didn’t know what Sidney hated him, but it was suddenly clear that there was nothing he could do about it. Tyler took a deep breath and prepared to take the ice. He was suddenly aware that he was never going to know why Sidney disliked him so much, but all he could do was accept it. Dwelling on it the way he was, was only serving to drive him crazy. It was causing him to question his place on a team that had offered him a no trade clause and was keeping him up at night as he tossed and turned in his new bed untainted by heartbreak. 

Tyler jogged onto the ice with the rest of his team for this warm up, feeling completely at ease. Sidney hated him, and he was never going to know why. But that was okay. It was impossible to be liked by everyone, he reasoned, taking a lazy lap around the Penguin’s side of the ice, handling the puck in a showy grace that came with years of practice, and being a top three pick. He was making a home for himself in Pittsburgh, he was finding his rhythm with his team and he refused to let the dark cloud of Sidney’s hostility continue to hang over him. 

When it came time for puck drop Tyler once again found himself playing on Malkin’s line. Everyone was fired up, hoping to end the Caps’ fourteen game winning streak, and the seventeen game winning streak they had going at home. Malkin seemed almost on edge as the American National anthem was performed, he was fiddling with the medallion he wore on a chain around his neck, and kept glancing at Ovechkin. Tyler wasn’t even going to try and understand the complicated relationship between the two Russians, or how the rivalry between Ovechkin and Sidney played into the conflict. 

The game against the Flyers had been a blood bath for Pennsylvania, but the game against the Capitals was to settle a personal vendetta.

Tyler watched from the bench as Sidney prepared to battle Backstrom for the puck, Capitals fans screaming and out for blood. The linesman dropped the puck, the clock started counting down and Sidney managed to capture it, passing it quickly to Shearsy, who took off, weaving to bring it out of the neutral zone. Tyler winced as Ovechkin slammed into Sheary from the side, boarding him hard and stealing the puck. Shearsy picked himself up off the ice and tore back to the Penguins defensive end where Muzz was poised in his net. 

The next thing Tyler knew he was stepping over the boards after Malkin, preparing to take his first shift. Ovechkin was still on the ice, and he grinned, back checking Tyler out of his way. Tyler grit his teeth and let the pettiness and the pressure of winning this game in particular melt away. He had hockey to play. 

He hadn’t even had a chance to make any type of contact with the puck, before the linesman was blowing the whistle, and the crowd was screaming. Tyler turned, he blinked, realizing that Malkin’s gloves were on the ice and he was grappling with Wilson. They were surprisingly evenly matched, though Malkin had age and experience on Wilson. Soon they were toppling to the ice and pulled apart, both being skated to separate penalty boxes. 

Malkin was grinning, his lip bloody, and his helmet lying on the ice. Sidney looked grim, from his perch on the bench. From what Tyler knew of Sidney, he would see this as an unnecessary penalty. However, the rest of the Penguins were banging on the side of the bench with their sticks and cheering. Tyler shifted his weight on his skates, realizing that he had just been placed on the penalty kill. 

Sidney joined him on the ice along with Letang and Daley, his annoyance replaced with determination. Tyler wanted to shout that he wasn’t qualified for this. That he wasn’t ready to play on a penalty kill with his captain who wouldn’t even look at him. Tyler wasn’t entirely sure how that was going to work but he knew that he needed to trust in Sully. 

Tyler played as hard as he could, working to keep the Capitals out of their zone. At Sully’s signal he followed Sidney off the ice, and he was surprised when he accidently caught the captain’s eye. It didn’t hold the resentment and annoyance that Tyler was expecting. He couldn’t place the glint in his gaze, but in made him swallow hard as Sidney looked away. Tyler shook his head, trying to clear his mind. Once again he needed to push any and all thoughts of Sidney out of his mind, and instead focus on the game at hand. They had successfully killed the penalty, but they were still in the first half of the first period. The score was still tied at zero, and Tyler knew that Muzz deserved a win. 

 

There was less than a minute left in the third period, the score was still locked in a zero to zero stalemate. Tyler was on the ice, trying not to think about the clock counting down, and how even if they managed to win in overtime, it meant that the Capitals would still be earning a point. He didn’t want to think about the disappointment that would come with losing in overtime. He swatted the puck away from a Capitals defenseman. He was so hyper focused on his own swirling thoughts that he didn’t even comprehend whom he had stolen it from. 

The clock continued to count down and the crowd was screaming. It was Tyler against Holtby, and suddenly it felt like they were alone on the ice. He lined up to take his shot, faking like he was going to launch it over his blocker. His feet were swept out from under him as someone collided heavily with his side, but he had already released the puck, sending it smoothly through Holtby’s five-hole. The goal horn sounded, and was followed half a second later by the game buzzer. Tyler pulled himself up off the ice, only to be nearly knocked over once again by his teammates. 

Malkin was hugging him. He picking him up as if he weighted nothing and spun him around on the ice before essentially flinging him into Rusty’s arms. His entire team was screaming at him, and hugging him. He felt like a rag doll as he was passed around from teammate to teammate. He was met with head pats and ass taps. He felt elated, unable to fully comprehend what had happened. 

Tyler had scored the game winner against the Capitals, and the way his teammates were reacting one would think they had won the conference final, rather than a regular season match up. 

He couldn’t keep the smile off of his face as he followed his teammates off the ice and towards the locker room. Debbie, one of the women from the public relations department, intercepted him as soon as he entered the locker room. 

“You good to speak to the media?” she asked and Tyler nodded, slightly surprised. This would be his first time interacting with the press on behalf of the Penguins after a game. The honor usually fell to Sidney, Malkin, Shearsy, Muzz or Letang. He had been making the regular rounds in the press in Dallas, but had yet to be awarded that honor in Pittsburgh.

“Yeah,” Tyler managed to get out and Debbie smiled at him.

“Nice goal by the way,” she said and made her way over to talk to Muzz, probably to give him the same talk, and congratulate him on his shut out. 

Tyler quickly stripped out of his jersey and pads. He untied his skates and hung them in his stall, quickly stripped off his hockey pants and unhooked his socks leaving him in just his leggings. There was a Penguins tee shirt in his stall along with a Penguins snap back. 

He pulled the shirt on over his head, wincing at the light gray color, knowing it was going to show every stream of sweat that was clinging to his body. He pushed his hair out of his eyes, realizing that it as getting longer than he had taken to wearing it in Dallas. He absent mindedly considered that he should get it cut soon, as he put on the snap back backwards, using it to hold back the damp strands of hair that seemed content to stick out every which way. 

Malkin padded past Tyler on his way to the showers. He had already told Debbie that tonight was a no English night for the press. She hadn’t liked it but accepted it. 

“Drinks tonight, shots for game winner,” Malkin said, clasping Tyler on the shoulder with a grin. Tyler swallowed hard but nodded. Their flight back to Pittsburgh was later the next afternoon; he could afford to drink a little tonight, since he hadn’t for most of the season. 

Debbie smiled and gave Tyler the thumbs up, she opened the locker room doors, letting the press file in, and Tyler was suddenly swarmed. He smiled wide and began to answer their questions.


	9. Nine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahoj!
> 
> This chapter/fic is unbetaed, and I apologize for any and all mistakes.  
> I don't own any of these characters/people, nothing that happens in this is real, it’s all fake.
> 
> Sorry this is short, and sorry it has been so long since I’ve posted! I am still wondering around Europe and Internet is harder to find that i would like, as is finding time to write! 
> 
> Thank you so much for sticking with this and reading! I hope you continue to enjoy this story, slow updates and all! I hope you like this next chapter! <3

Tyler was drunk. The kind of disgusting blacked out, no hope of remembering, standing is hard type of drunk. He had fallen out of the habit of drinking when he got to Dallas. His trade from Boston being a wake up call he didn’t know he needed. He wondered what his trade to Pittsburgh was; maybe it was that he should start drinking again. The second they got to the bar after the game drinks were being placed in his hands. Shots were dropped in front of him in the booth the Penguins had claimed, and tossed back with joy and without chaser. They were celebrating the win over the Capitals, and Tyler’s lone goal, the game winner. 

Everything was hazy but Tyler was almost positive he had even taken a shot with Ovechkin at one point. He wasn’t sure though, he didn’t know why Ovechkin would be buying him a drink since they had ending his team’s home rink winning streak. But someone had handed him a double shot of vodka and then spoke at him in enthusiastic Russian. Then again for all Tyler knew it could have been French or even English. He wasn’t entirely sure where he was at the moment. 

It could have been Geno, but Tyler wanted to believe he would have been able to remember his line mate, and pick him out in a crowd even shitfaced. The Russian was huge, he was hard to miss. Though Penguin’s lore went the more than Geno drank, the less English he remembered. No longer was he Malkin-call-me-Geno. After tonight, he had become just Geno. 

They had gotten to the bar a little after ten, a place nice enough to celebrate a victory, but not too nice to kick out a group of rowdy hockey players high off of the adrenaline of a win. Letang had strolled up to the bar and ordered in French with a confidence that insinuated that the team had been there before. He had brought the first round to the horseshoe booth the team was squishing into. Tyler beginning his night nearly pinned between Muzz and Shearsy. 

He hated that as he sipped his beer, he found himself scanning the bar, his gaze instantly drawn to Sidney. He looked good thought Tyler, downing the rest of his beer to try and silence his thoughts. The gray quarter zip he wore stretching teasingly across broad shoulders, the sleeves pushed up revealing strong forearms. The dark jeans he wore clung to his famous ass in such an indecent fashion, following the curve with his eyes made Tyler feel almost light headed. Tyler was willing to bet that the rumors were true and that he only wore jeans that were custom made. 

Rusty appeared at the table with a tray of shots. Tyler took one gratefully and swallowed it quickly, wanting to silence Sidney from his thoughts. He hated that he couldn’t keep the older man from his mind when it was clear that he wanted nothing to do with him. 

He found himself on the dance floor, a bottle blonde grinding against him with a twinkling look in her eye. Tyler thought vaguely of how easy it would be to take her back to his hotel room. One of the perks of his new contract was that he was finally considered enough of a veteran to have his own hotel room on road trips. But he then caught sight of Sidney exiting the bathroom, and suddenly the girl lost all of her appeal. Muzz appeared next to him, unable to keep the smile from his face, and threw an arm around his shoulders, hustling him to the bar for another drink. He was flushed, both from alcohol and happiness. Muzz had needed the shut out after Fleury’s trade to prove to himself he was good enough to be the lone starter. Tyler didn’t know if he needed to drink more or less as thoughts of dropping to his knees in front of his Captain swirled through his brain. 

Tyler’s head felt fuzzy and the room was spinning. He felt vaguely nauseous but not enough to give it serious concern. Nothing really mattered to him at this point. Another glass was placed in front of him and he sluggishly reached out for it. He didn’t want to waste a drink, especially when the cheer was causing him to feel as if he finally belonged. He didn’t need to be drinking anymore, but he was too far-gone to care. Tomorrow he would be embarrassed by how sloppy he had gotten, but for now he was happy. 

He spilt half of whatever it was all over the table before successfully managing to take a drink. He was surprised to find that it was water. He looked over in confusion to see that it was Sidney now sitting in the booth next to him, and that he was the one to bring him the glass of water. Currently, he was trying to wipe up the spillage with the flimsy pub napkins. He was unsuccessful, only managing to spread the water around the table further. He sighed in frustration, pinning the mess with the weight of his stare before turning away from it to look at Tyler. His cheeks were ever so slightly flushed from the heat of the bar. His jaw shaded ever so slightly with stubble. Tyler drunkenly wondered what it would feel like rubbing against his inner thigh. 

Tyler blinked and scooted closer to him on the polished hardwood of the booth bench. Sidney smelt nice, Tyler though as he rested his head against his shoulder. The fabric of his gray quarter-zip soft against his cheek. Tyler was surprised that Sidney wasn’t tossing him off as he essentially buried his face in his shoulder, focusing on the comforting smell and the soft warmth. 

Tyler was also surprised that Sidney was still here at the bar. He was notorious for having one drink, whether it even contained alcohol was questionable, and then heading home or back to the hotel they were staying in. Tyler was ashamed that whenever they went out his gaze was usually drawn to Sidney. He hated that he was so captivated by his captain who wanted nothing to do with him. Except for now, now Sidney was acknowledging his presence. 

“Why do you hate me?” Tyler slurred, forcing the words, muffled by Sidney’s shoulder from his lips. He just wanted Sidney to like him, the way he liked Sidney. Fuck. He might have feelings for Sidney. Feelings that extended farther, feelings that ran deeper than the casual sex Tyler found himself partaking in before and after his relationship with Jamie started and fell apart. He felt guilty all of a sudden; he couldn’t remember the last time he had spoken to the man, that after everything he still called his best friend. Tyler didn’t want to sleep with Sidney out of the anger and hatred that Sidney felt for him. Tyler wanted him to take his time, to take him apart, until he was a whimpering mess. 

“I don’t hate you,” Sid explained, trying and failing to keep the guilt from his voice. He did nothing to dislodge Seguin from his person. Geno sat down across from them and looked over at Sid with a raised eyebrow, asking if he needed help but Sidney shook his head and Geno went back to nursing his own drink. 

Tyler whimpered and Sidney flinched, his eyes heavy with concern as if he was worried Tyler was going to be sick. Tyler wondered if he was going to be. He closed his eyes. The room was spinning faster now. 

“But you do,” Tyler sniffled, nuzzling against Sid as if he was trying to get even closer, the body heat grounding him. Now that Sidney had given an inch in his intoxicated state he was prepared to take a mile. 

“I promise I don’t hate you,” Sidney assured, running his fingers through Tyler’s hair, and scratching at the base of his skull. “And I’m sorry that I made you think I do.” He murmured. Tyler made a snuffling sound, enjoying the care in Sidney’s touch, even if he was sure he was imagining it was there, just because he wanted it so badly. 

“I think I’m going to take this one back to the hotel,” Sidney said, his voice fonder than he was comfortable with. Geno smiled back knowingly.

“Luck,” he said raising his drink in salute as Sidney debated the best way to get Tyler upright and into an Uber. While Sidney knew he outweighed Tyler, he was taller and all long limbs, plus he was currently a drunken deadweight.

“Let’s go lush,” said Sidney teasingly, scooting to the edge of the booth, Tyler, who was clinging to his shoulder, sliding along with him. He stood up and Tyler flopped to the side without the captain supporting his weight. Geno suppressed a snicker, causing Sidney to glare. Tyler sniffled, realizing he was no longer pressed against Sidney. The moment had come; he had gone back to not wanting Tyler near him. 

“This is your fault Geno,” Sidney hissed, “Tyler, we’re going back to the hotel,” he said, addressing the younger man, pulling Tyler to his feet. He blinked in confusion.

“Are you sure you don’t need help?” Geno asked again, his voice low. Tyler felt numb all of a sudden, and not from the liquor he had poured into his body. Geno knew that Sidney hated him, and wanted to spare him from having to do his captaincy duty. Tyler had become a problem, again. 

“I can go myself.” Tyler slurred, staggering as he tried to step forward, away from his teammates, away from Sidney. 

“You really can’t,” said Sidney softly, putting a hand on Tyler’s shoulder. He felt like a child, he needed to get away. He tried to shake Sidney’s hand off of his shoulder but found doing so more difficult than he had expected. Sidney was strong and moving was hard. Tyler was so tired. He wanted to go back to his hotel room and sleep forever. He felt dirty and wrong for the fantasies that Sidney starred in, for the intrusive thoughts that he didn’t try to suppress as hard as he should. 

Sidney and Geno were arguing, Tyler realized dimly. He felt nauseous, his stomach rolling as he realized they were arguing about him. He wondered if he was going to throw up. He didn’t need Sidney to see that. He managed to slip out of Sidney’s grasp as he was distracted by Geno and make it into the cool night air of Washington DC. He needed to get away. 

“Tyler, stop,” said Sidney, his footsteps echoing down the nearly deserted sidewalk, outside the bar. It was that time in between too late and too early. Tyler hadn’t made it very far in his attempted escape. He had a hand against the wall of the building, bracing himself as he panted, trying to convince himself that he wasn’t going to be sick. He couldn’t think of a worst ending to the night. 

He swallowed back a dry heave, and Sidney placed a hand on his back, in between his shoulder blades. His hand was warm and heavy through the fabric of Tyler’s thin white tee shirt. He had lost his jacket at some point earlier in the night. If he wasn’t so drunk he was sure he would be shivering. He still wasn’t used to colder weather. 

“Uber’s here,” Sidney said, “I just need you to hold it together until we get to the hotel.”

Tyler pushed away from the wall. He wanted to scoff and tell Sidney that he was fine, that he didn’t need his help, but he was pretty sure that he actually did. He was swaying slightly, leaning heavily against Sidney’s side. He was so tired, his eyelids felt heavy, keeping his head up extremely hard. 

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. Guilt and disappointment settled heavily in his chest. Sidney was going to hate him even more. 

“No,” Sidney said, guiding him into the waiting SUV. “I am.”


	10. Ten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! 
> 
> This chapter/fic is unbetaed, and I apologize for any and all mistakes.  
> I don't own any of these characters/people, nothing that happens in this is real, it’s all fake.
> 
> Sorry for the delay in updates! I have two more weeks of wandering around Europe and then I should be home and back to more regular updates (hopefully) 
> 
> Thank you so much for sticking with this and reading! I hope you continue to enjoy this story, slow updates and all! I hope you like this new chapter! <3

This was not how Sidney had expected his night, the morning now really, to go. He figured eh would make an appearance at the bar, have a beer or a glass of wine to celebrate the team’s win and then be back at the hotel and in bed by eleven thirty at the latest. It was four thirty nine in the morning and Sidney had yet to make it to bed. He had arrived back at the hotel about an hour ago- and had spent every minute since sitting on the bathroom floor with Tyler. Sidney was just thankful that his room had been closer to the elevator meaning he had gotten to change into his sleep pants in between boughs of Tyler’s vomiting. 

Sidney had worked hard to keep his thoughts pure as he helped a shaking and sweaty semi conscious Tyler strip out of his ripped skinny jeans, leaving him barefoot and clad only in his black boxer briefs, his white tee shirt now gone translucent. 

Sidney checked his nearly dead cell phone, picking it up from where it lay on the tile. Tyler hadn’t puked in twenty minutes, and he had thus far managed to keep down the water that had Sidney had poured down his throat about ten minutes ago. Sidney was feeling optimistic. 

“Do you think you can try and lay down?” Sidney asked. The entire situation would be much better for everyone involved if they could get horizontal on a flat surface that wasn’t the bathroom floor. 

Tyler didn’t answer. Sidney wondered if he was even conscious- he was slumped with his cheek resting against the toilet seat. Sidney crawled over to him from where he sat leaning against the outer wall of the bathtub. He gently shook Tyler’s shoulder, causing him to blink sleepily and unfocused. 

“I’m sorry.” He slurred. It was the only thing Tyler had said since they had gotten into the Uber. He just kept repeating it like a mantra, turning into a broken sob when the driver had to pull over so that Tyler could throw up on the side of the street. 

“It’s okay,” Sidney said for the thousandth time, helping Tyler stand and guiding him to the bed. He was shivering from the combination of the AC Sidney needed turned up to sleep and his sweat soaked shirt. 

“Let me help you put this on,” Sidney said helping Tyler as he pulled off his shirt. Sidney swallowed hard and tried not to get caught staring at the perfect ridged definition of Tyler’s chest and stomach. His abdomen still looked perfect despite all the beer and liquor he had consumed. 

Sidney felt guilty, like he was taking advantage and averted his gaze. Tyler momentarily got stuck in the tee shirt that Sidney had guiltily given him, drawing Sidney’s attention back. The shirt was faded from wash and wear- a few inches too short, showing off a tempting sliver of skin between the hem and the waistband of Tyler’s boxer briefs. The V that disappeared into the waistband drawing Sidney’s gaze to the light train of hair. Where the shirt was too short, it was too big in the shoulders. While Tyler had a few inches on him, Sidney had him beat in broadness and bulk. When Tyler stumbled and then face planted onto Sidney’s king sized bed, he tried not to focus on the thrill of seeing the number eighty-seven on Tyler’s back. 

Sidney went back into the bathroom and brushed his teeth. He hung his head, his hands braced against the counter. He took a deep breath. He felt lost and untethered, not sure what to do. He was twenty-nine years old, but had missed out on a fundamental stage of early childhood development where one typically learned how to deal with ones emotions and other people. He never really had friends growing up- it was all always hockey. The few friends he did end up making him always ended up resenting him before the friendships could actually flourish, either because he was just too good, or hockey took up too much time. He almost resented his parents for the way that they had pushed him. Especially after seeing Tyler crumpled on the floor and he realized just how awful he and inevitably been. He needed to face the music and talk to Tyler when the younger man was sober, even if it made Sidney feel vulnerable in a way that he wasn’t used too, and in a way that he had never become comfortable with. He had never shared his feelings with another person before and he wasn’t sure how. He just knew that Tyler deserved an explanation, even if it was hard for him to give one. 

He climbed into bed and plugged in his phone. He tried not to feel too guilty that he wasn’t taking the couch, and that he had dressed Tyler in his number like some kind of possessive creep. He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling like he was taking advantage of Tyler even though this was the first time in their interactions that he hadn’t done anything wrong. 

He reached over and picked up his phone, still connected to the wall. He pulled up his text conversation with Mario. He wondered what it meant that there were so few people he texted with regularly. It was too early for his mentor and friend to be awake, but Sidney needed to talk to someone and he knew that the team owner would see it when he woke up. 

“I really messed things up with Tyler,” Sidney typed, glancing over at the man passed out on the other side of the bed. “Even more than I thought.” He hit send. 

He was surprised when his phone vibrated in his hand, Mario responding a moment later. “That means now you can fix it.” Mario had written. Sidney swallowed hard. 

He sat his phone back down on the bedside table. He knew he needed to fix it, but he didn’t know how. Nor did he know how to respond to Mario. He knew the older man was right, and that he had been disappointed in the way Sidney had been handling things. He felt like a little boy on the playground with a crush he didn’t know how to articulate other than to pull on the pigtails of the object of his affection. Sidney turned off the table light. He needed to wake up in a few hours. He would deal with all of this then. 

 

Sidney woke up to a heavy weight thrown across his chest and a cold nose pressed against his neck. Sidney blinked sleepily, the alarm on his phone beeping aggressively. He reached over and turned it off. He blinked again, realizing that it was Tyler sprawled, clinging half on top of him. Tyler snuffled and burrowed his face closer into Sidney’s neck, displeased with the movement jostling his sleep, but despite the alarm and the movement he was still out cold.

Sidney’s heart was racing as his brain came back online and he took stock of the situation. He slowly peeled Tyler’s arm away from where it was tossed across his chest and tried not to think about the morning would he could feel from the way Tyler had a leg thrown across his thigh. Tyler made a grumbling sound in his sleep as Sidney slipped out of bed, shuffling to attach himself to the pillow Sidney had shoved in his direction as a replacement. Tyler was going to hate him when he woke up. Sidney though, his heart continuing to race. 

Trying not to hyperventilate, Sidney slipped into the bathroom. He took a deep breath and turned on the shower, trying not to think of the way that Tyler’s body had been pressed against his own. They had fit together perfectly one of the dark corners of his brain supplied but Sidney quickly pushed that thought away. He swallowed back a hysterical bubble of laugher. He was the worst person. 

He stripped out of his tee shirt and sleep pants, and stepped under the spray of the shower. The heat and water pressure felt wonderful on his back and shoulders, sore from the hits he had taken during the game and from his vigil with Tyler on the floor. He wasn’t as young as he used to be, and didn’t bounce back as quick. He squeezed a dollop of hotel shampoo into his palm and lathered it up, washing his hair; it was starting to curl in a way that was longer than he liked it. He needed to get it cut sooner rather than later. 

It was funny, Sidney thought darkly. He wasn’t even thirty years old yet and he already felt as if he was balancing on the cusp of retirement. He thought of the minor concussion he had at the start of the season. He had been so sure that it wasn’t something he would be able to come back from this time. He pushed the dark thoughts from his mind and turned off the water. He needed to meet Geno, Ovechkin and Backstrom for breakfast as had become tradition years before whenever their teams met. 

Sidney towel dried his hair and then tied the towel around his waist, making his way back into the room. Tyler was still passed out on the bed. Except now he was sprawled spread eagle face down in the center. Sidney fought the urge to snort in amusement. It wasn’t his place and dressed quickly in a pair of gray boxer briefs, jeans and a black long sleeve sweater. He was embarrassed by the wiggle hop he had to do to get the pants over the curve of his ass. The pants, like nearly every pair that he owned were custom made, but that didn’t mean they were any easier to get on. 

He grabbed his favorite logo less black baseball hat and pulled it on over his still wet hair, and looped his sunglasses onto the neck of his sweater. His winter coat was still thrown over the desk chair where had had tossed it the day before. He probably didn’t need a Canada Goose coat in DC, but it was that or his wool coat and he wasn’t in the mood to be that formal. He slipped his feet into a hair of vans, and frowned realizing just how much black he was wearing. Geno would be wearing enough color for the both of them he decided.

He grabbed his phone and his wallet, pausing in the doorway, wondering if he should leave a note for Tyler. He shook his head, and slipped out the door. He couldn’t leave a note. He didn’t have any idea of what he would even begin to say. He was thankful he had left Tyler’s clothes folding on the desk the night before, and pressed the down button on the elevator. He wondered if the younger man would still be asleep when he got back, and he wondered if he wanted him to be. 

Sidney stepped into the elevator and saw Geno waiting for him in the lobby. He fought the urge to roll his eyes at the bright red puffy coat and heavily distressed jeans he was wearing. Sometimes Sidney wondered how Anna put up with Geno’s fashion choices. 

“Think you not come,” Geno said raising an eyebrow. “Think you spend night and morning taking care of new liney then explain why you dick in the morning.” 

“He was still sleeping and I need to figure out what to say anyway,” Sidney mumbled, wondering how Geno knew that Tyler hadn’t made it back to his own room the night before. He tried not to feel guilty, but it was settling heavily in his chest. He should have slept on the couch, not that anything happened but it would have been the decent thing to do. He should have been a better captain, and a better friend to Tyler. Instead he just made a mess of everything, and had no idea where to even start to fix it.


	11. Eleven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! 
> 
> This chapter/fic is unbetaed, and I apologize for any and all mistakes.  
> I don't own any of these characters/people, nothing that happens in this is real, it’s all fake.
> 
> Sorry for the delay in updates! I have returned from my European adventure so hopefully I’ll be able to update more frequently! (I make no promises but I’m going to try, I have a couple one shot projects that won’t leave me alone!) 
> 
> Thank you so much for sticking with this and reading! I hope you continue to enjoy this story, slow updates and all! I hope you like this new chapter! <3

Tyler groaned and buried his face in his pillow. His head was pounding. It felt like a less than talented high school marching band was currently practicing in his skull. His stomach ached and he felt vaguely nauseous, but not enough to match his throbbing brain. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter and wished he could disappear- that he could just sink into the mattress and become one with the feather pillows. 

Based on how he was feeling- more dehydrated than sick to his stomach, he was sure he had thrown up at some point last night. The nasty taste and cotton-y feeling in his mouth further supported his theory. He had been so intoxicated that brushing his teeth had been the last thing on his mind. The question was just where and in front of whom he had gotten sick. Tyler knew from his lack of memory that whatever had happened last night, whatever he had done had been bad. 

Shame burned in his chest. He felt awful and couldn’t believe he had let himself get so out of control. He had worked so hard to overcome his party boy image and he had probably just ruined everything. This was why he had stopped drinking in the first place. It caused him to become even more of a mess than usual. 

He wondered if his old management in Dallas would see the pictures that had probably been taken and be relieved that they had gotten rid of him while they had the chance. He wondered if Boston would say, “I told you so.” Tyler had tried so hard to be good and now Pittsburgh would regret him too. He wondered what his mother was thinking, if she was ashamed the way she was at his behavior in Boston. His eyes filled with tears, but he quickly blinked them away. His head hurt too badly for him to let out the sob that he swallowed back down his throat. 

Tyler rolled over onto his side and fumbled for his phone. It was nowhere to be found. Tyler hoped he hadn’t lost it during his binge. The clock on the bedside table said it was only eight forty seven. They didn’t have to be out of the hotel and onto the bus until one. Tyler was pretty sure he was still drunk. He wondered if he had even eaten anything after the game last night or if he had started drinking as soon as he got to the bar he didn’t even remember. Maybe things would make more sense and feel less awful when he sobered up. He knew it was wishful thinking but the through comforted him as he wrapped himself up in the blankets and fell back to sleep. 

 

“Seguin, you need to wake up,” Said Sidney shaking his shoulder gently. He felt sick with nerves but they needed to be on the bus and on their way to the airport in less than half an hour. Geno had gotten Tyler’s bags from his room, packing them quickly and bringing them to Sidney’s to save time. They weren’t sure what kind of shape Tyler was going to be in when he woke up. Sidney prayed that they hadn’t overstepped. Tyler grumbled and rolled over, his borrowed tee shirt scrunched up around his ribs, showing off even more of his toned stomach. Sidney could see the lower edge of his Boston Bruins Stanley Cup tattoo and squeezed his eyes shut, tearing his gaze away from the tattooed flesh. 

“Tyler, I’m so sorry, I know you probably feel like shit but you need to wake up. We have to go.” Sidney said again, guilt was heavy in his voice but luckily the anxiety continued to sit silently in his chest. 

Tyler blinked sleepily, his eyes widening with panic when he realized who was leaning over him. Sidney took a step back, hoping it would sooth his deer in the headlights expression and Tyler sat up, pulling the tee shirt down over his stomach. 

“Crosby?” he asked, his voice rough with sleep and from the abuse of vomiting the night before. Sidney winced at how impersonal the exclamation was and how it was so very well deserved. 

“Good morning,” Sidney said forcing a smile that came out as more of a grimace. He mentally scolded himself and wished he were better and channeling his emotions into anything that wasn’t hockey. If he wasn’t so bad at this things wouldn’t have gotten as bad in the first place. 

“Why are you in my room…” Tyler asked, trailing off before looking around. Panic encompassed his features as he slowly realized that he was in fact not in his hotel room. Sidney noticed the exact moment Tyler came to his realization and Sidney wondered if he had made an even bigger mistake. 

“We’re in my room,” said Sidney, not offering any further explanation. Tyler couldn’t read his tone. 

Tyler flushed, embarrassment and panic further flooding his person. Sidney looked extremely uncomfortable and Tyler was struck with the strong and sudden urge to cry. He swallowed, his saliva feeling thick as it struggled to slide down his throat. 

“I’m sorry,” Tyler all but chocked, the words erupting from his chest almost as a gasp. Sidney’s expression changed. Once again, Tyler couldn’t read it. He wondered if he would even want to. 

Sidney swallowed hard and shifted his weight. “We have to go soon,” he said softly, repeating his earlier statement as if it was his only anchor in an uncertain situation. 

Tyler nodded, wincing at the way the movement sent a stab of pain through his skull. He kicked off the blankets and swung his legs out of bed. He must have stood up too quickly, for as soon as his feet touched the ground the room started spinning, dark circles dancing before his eyes. He wondered where his pants were, but then decided that he didn’t care. 

“Do you need-” Sidney started asking before Tyler cut him off. 

“I’m fine,” Tyler, said, through gritted teeth, ignoring the water and Advil that had been left out on the nightstand. No part of his mind could even fathom that it would have been intended for him. Especially after his question of who had witnessed him vomiting up his guts the night before had been answered by his unknowing presence in Sidney’s hotel room. Tyler wanted to disappear. Out of everyone that could have witnessed his colossal screw up of course it was Sidney. 

“Geno grabbed your stuff from your room,” Sidney said. “We have to check out and didn’t know how long it would take to wake you up.” 

“Thanks,” Tyler said, grabbing his carryon from where it sat by the door. He unzipped it, digging around to pull out a crew neck sweatshirt, he pulled it on along with a pair of dark wash jeans so broken in he could probably sleep in them. He moved past Sidney, heading into the bathroom so that he could piss and brush his teeth. His heart raced with the realization that he had slept in Sidney’s bed last night. That he had displaced his captain, who hated him and had gotten stuck taking care of him, from his bed. 

When Tyler came out of the bathroom he saw that Sidney was holding a paper bag from Starbucks in his hand. He hadn’t noticed it in his initial panic upon waking up. 

“I got you a muffin,” Sidney said, “it’s blueberry, I wasn’t sure if you’d be up to eating anything but, I figured having the option was better than not.” 

Tyler blinked, completely and utterly unsure of how to handle what his captain was saying. Why would Sidney get him a muffin? Tyler darkly wondered if it was poisoned. He shook his head and winced. Sidney might not like him, but he did like winning hockey games, and Tyler was apart of the team’s success. He just didn’t think he could stomach a muffin right now. 

He picked up his bag, and his winter jacket that was draped over the back of a chair. He dug around in the bag and slipped his feet into his checkered Vans. His sister had gotten them for him as a joke, but the joke was on her because they were free shoes and they were comfortable as fuck. 

“I’m sorry about last night,” Tyler said, he swallowed hard. “Let me know what I can do to make it up to you. I promise it won’t happen again.” He glanced at the bag Sidney was holding. “Thank you for thinking of me this morning, even though I made it really hard not to, I’ll probably puke again if I try to eat anything which I’m sure we both had enough of last night. I’m so sorry for everything.” Tyler said in a rush, moving to slip past Sidney and out the door as he spoke. 

Shame colored his cheeks as he made it into the hallway and all but ran to the elevator. He couldn’t wait to be back in his own bed with his puppies, where he would hopefully be able to put his most recent mistakes out of his mind. 

Sidney stood blinking, staring at the now closed door Tyler had disappeared through. He exhaled slowly. Well, he thought, he for sure could have handled that better. He wished he were quick with his words like Flower had always been. All he could do was watch as Tyler verbally tore himself to pieces, unable to find a way to silence him, a way to tell him that he didn’t need to be sorry, especially for something as mundane as this. Every hockey player drank too much sometimes. Sidney had his own foggy memories of throwing up in Mario’s pool. Darkly, and for Tyler’s own wellbeing, a part of him hoped that Tyler’s violent was due to Sidney’s presence, and not Tyler’s own fears of not belonging, something that Sidney new he was partially responsible for helping to fester. 

Since the peace offering muffin didn’t work, Sidney was going to need to find another way to talk to Tyler and fix the mess that Sidney had inadvertently created. Plus, Sidney thought, if anyone needed to be apologizing in this situation it was him. 

He grabbed his own carryon bag from its place on the floor, and went to grab his jacket from the back of the chair. He shoved it into the front pocket of the bag, and ran his fingers through his hair. He wondered if it would be cruel to try and ambush Tyler again once they got onto the bus, or even the plane. But then again, he was sure that neither of them would appreciate an audience for what needed to be said. 

Sidney did one more quick scan of the hotel room, making sure that neither he nor Tyler had left anything behind. Finding that everything was packed, he headed out the door and towards the elevator. For what felt like the hundredth time Sidney wished that he had found it within himself to be upfront with Tyler from the beginning. He wish he knew better how to even start going about in apologizing. Sidney was certain that in this case an “I’m sorry” wasn’t going to cut it, and Tyler deserved better anyway. 

The elevator dinged, startling Sidney, he hadn’t even realized he had gotten on or that he had pushed the button for the lobby. He saw Geno standing with Tanger and smiled, approaching two of his closest friends on the team. Geno gave him a sad smile, letting Sidney know that he must have seen Tyler on his hasty departure to the bus. He wasn’t in the lobby which meant he must be already onboard. 

“He hates me, and I don’t know how to fix it,” Sidney said hoarsely, once he was in earshot. 

“I tell before,” said Geno with a shrug. “You find way to fix.”


	12. Twelve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings! 
> 
> This chapter/fic is unbetaed, and I apologize for any and all mistakes.
> 
> I don't own any of these characters/people, nothing that happens in this is real, it’s all fake.
> 
> Look at this! Two updates in a short amount of time! I can’t promise this trend will continue but I will try my best! (Also keep an eye out for a fic featuring the lovely David Pastrnak, he’s a cupcake and the plot bunnies won’t leave me alone.) 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and commenting! Every time I get an email with a new comment I mentally do a happy dance so thank you so much! I hope you continue to enjoy this story, slow updates and all! I hope you like this new chapter! (Let me know if you do or if you don’t!) Thank you! <3

Marshall was officially Tyler’s favorite dog. Marshall understood that when Tyler was lying on the living room floor, listening to Fleetwood Mac the proper response was to laydown next to him. That’s what Marshall was doing, his head on Tyler’s stomach, in perfect petting reach. He wasn’t piling toys around his head in hopes that he would get up and play fetch like Cash had decided to do. 

Tyler gently scratched behind Marshall’s ears, ignoring Cash. He knew that he was being dramatic and pathetic, but this was currently the only way that he knew how to process the guilt and shame he was currently feeling after the disaster of waking up in Sidney’s bed. Plus the new rug in his living room was a lot more comfortable than he had initially thought.

Then there was the fact that when he had gotten home he realized he was wearing a Crosby tee shirt. It explained why it fit him awkwardly he had thought as he ripped it off his body and tossed it straight into the washing machine to wash and return to its owner. Thinking about how and why he had ended up wearing the shirt only served to worsen his headache. He had taken two more Advil, sent a silent prayer that they didn’t give him an ulcer since he was taking them on an empty stomach and set himself up on the floor. 

He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to focus on the feeling of Marshall’s velvety soft fur rather than his mistakes. He had ordered Chinese takeout for dinner, finally feeling like he might be up to eating something, the nausea of that morning finally fading into hunger. Hopefully his food would be there soon, he thought, his stomach grumbling loud enough to cause Marshall to lift his head, as if glaring at Tyler for making noise. He playfully bopped Marshall’s nose and he lay his head back down. 

Cash licked Tyler’s face, catching him in the eye before nudging a damp tennis ball against his ear. Tyler cringed and turned to glare at the black lab. He reached up with the hand that he had been using to pet Marshall and rolled the ball away from his face. Cash scampered after it, but not fast enough to keep it from rolling under the couch. He lay down on his stomach and tried to wiggle under the couch to get at the tennis ball with no such luck. When he was unsuccessful he started to whine. Tyler groaned.

“I’m not getting it for you,” He told Cash as if his younger puppy could understand what he was saying. Marshall looked over at Cash, sending him a glare that seemed to say “idiot.” Tyler loved his dogs. But at the same time he wanted to wallow in peace. 

The doorbell rang and Cash took off, running towards the door barking excitedly as he ran to see who was there. He shifted his weight from paw to paw; tail wagging a mile a minute as he yipped happily. Tyler exchanged a look with Marshall as he stood up; he was pleased that they were on the same page about Cash being ridiculous and extra. 

“Bud,” said Tyler, grabbing onto Cash’s collar to pull him away from the door. “I know you’re excited for me to finally get my dinner, but the delivery man isn’t going to love you the way that you want him too.” Tyler unlocked the door without even glancing through the peephole, meaning he was completely shocked when he looked up to apologize for Cash’s behavior, Marshall was being a good boy and was sitting off to the side of the doorway, and saw Sidney Crosby standing on his front porch, holding his winter coat in his hands. 

Tyler swallowed hard. “You’re not the delivery man,” he said dumbly stating the obviously. He winced as soon as the words left his mouth. He wondered Sidney was here. He wondered if now that he was no longer visibly suffering from the aftermath of his poor choices, if Sidney was going to yell at him. 

“Sorry to disappoint,” Sidney said hoarsely, rubbing at the back of his neck. He was wearing his near trademark black baseball, the brim casting shadows across his face in the dim light from Tyler’s porch light. 

“Do you ah, want to come in?” Tyler asked, mentally patting himself on the back, asking if Sidney wanted to come inside was a lot better than asking why the hell he was on Tyler’s door step at nine o clock at night. Granted, nine wasn’t that late, it was more so the shock that Sidney was there at all. 

“Ah, sure, thank you,” said Sidney and Tyler stepped to the side, dragging Cash with him to let Sidney step inside. “Do you want me to take my shoes off?” Sidney asked, careful to stand on the doormat until Tyler told him otherwise. 

“They’re fine,” Tyler, said, he didn’t think anyone had ever offered to take their shoes off when they came into his house before. Usually someone made some kind of joke about not knowing that they were walking into. Tyler would always flush and laugh, secretly hating that the reputation of debauchery that continued to follow him despite his constant efforts to rehabilitate his image. 

“Ah, this is Cash, he might try to jump on you when I let him go, we’ve done all the puppy and training classes and stuff, but he still has a mind of his own,” Tyler said awkwardly, mentally willing Cash to behave for once in his life. “The brown one is Marshall, he’s my golden child.” He added as Cash took off to greet Sidney. Luckily by some act of god Cash didn’t jump. He merely sniffed enthusiastically at Sidney’s knees, tail wagging aggressively. 

“Nice to meet you Cash,” Sidney, cooed, his tone softer than Tyler ever thought that the elder man would be capable of. “You’re dogs are adorable.” 

Tyler flushed, pride swelling in his chest, but he quickly squished it down. He knew his dogs were adorable; Sidney Crosby saying so shouldn’t fill his stomach with butterflies. Tyler felt like a masochist. He knew that Sidney hated him, yet he kept putting himself in the position to desperately seek his approval. 

“Thanks,” he managed to squeak out, just as he realized they were still standing in the entryway. “Do you want to sit down?” Tyler asked, leading Sidney into the living room where he had previously been sprawled. He grabbed his phone off of the coffee table and disconnected the blue tooth speaker. 

“I didn’t peg you as a Fleetwood Mac guy,” said Sidney, he was sitting on the edge of the couch, every muscle tense as if he was prepared to make a run for it at the first sign of trouble. 

“Ah, yeah, I mean, isn’t it like a law that everyone has to love Stevie Nicks?” Tyler asked, sitting down on the chair catty corner to the couch. Marshall came over and sat by his legs as if showing his support. Cash was still enthralled with Sidney. The traitor. 

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” said Sidney, he glanced down at his lap, and then looked up. “Um, anyway, I ah, I got home and realized that we must have swapped jackets at some point? Um, I have yours here and I’m pretty sure you have mine.” He held up the black Canada Goose coat he had been holding when he walked in. Tyler’s eyes widened. 

“Shit,” he said, standing up and scurrying to his hall closet. He grabbed the jacket he had hung up when he got home, and looked at the label. Sidney was right it wasn’t his jacket. 

“I’m so sorry,” Tyler said, holding out Sidney’s coat and accepting his own from the captain. “I probably threw up all over your room, caused all kinds of trouble, passed out in your bed, and then took your jacket, I’m so sorry.” 

“What? No, it was an accident,” Sidney said. “Plus, I took yours too, I didn’t even notice until I got home and realized it was a little tighter in the shoulders, and a tad longer than mine.” 

Sidney took a deep breath. “Plus, I think we need to talk.” 

Tyler felt as if his heart stopped, like something was coiled around his chest and had decided to squeeze. He dug his fingers into Marshall’s fur and tried to remind himself to breath. 

“Ah, sure, yeah, of course.” Tyler swallowed, his saliva catching in his throat. “I’m working on an apology to the rest of the team and management, how I acted was unacceptable. I haven’t been on the Internet at all so I don’t know how bad things are in that sphere but I’m planning on calling Debbie first thing tomorrow morning and finding out what she needs me to do to try and fix this, I’m so sorry for being an embarrassment to the team, I promise that I won’t let anything like it happen again.” He said in a rush. 

Sidney blinked. 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” He exclaimed bluntly. Tyler squeezed his eyes shut and tried to will himself not to cry. He was just so angry with himself and so frustrated by how he acted. 

“I’m sor-” Tyler started to apologize again but Sidney cut him off. 

“Will you stop fucking apologizing? You didn’t do anything wrong!” said Sidney, his cheeks were flushed. Tyler slammed his mouth shut. He had never heard Sidney swear off the ice before and he just had twice within a minute period. 

Before Tyler could ask what the hell Sidney was talking about then, and convince him to accept his apology since he was trying to take responsibility for his actions, the doorbell rang. 

“Ah, that’s probably my take out, one second,” Tyler said hurrying to the door, Marshall was on his heels but sat back when Tyler opened the door. Cash was too invested in his new best friends to be bothered with the door this time around. Tyler paid the delivery driver quickly and accepted the bag of food. His stomach rolled. The pork lo mein, chicken fried rice, and sesame chicken he had ordered about an hour ago no longer seemed appealing. At least he had the foresight to order wonton soup. He figured he would at least be able to eat that. 

“Do you want any?” Tyler asked, walking back into the living room and setting the bag on the counter. “I ordered a bunch of food but I’m now thinking that if I try to eat any of it I’ll puke. Everything is fair game but my soup.” Tyler said. 

He went into the kitchen and grabbed silverware and napkins along with two bottles of blue Gatorade before returning to Sidney in the living room. 

“I don’t know how to use chopsticks,” Tyler admitted holding up a fork. He then realized he was a dumbass who didn’t even need a fork to eat soup. 

“I don’t either,” Sidney, admitted, he accepted the fork that Tyler held out to him. 

“There is fried rice, lo mein and chicken.” Tyler said, he pulled out the container of soup and opened it. 

“Thank you,” said Sidney awkwardly, pulling out the cardboard container of fried rice. Tyler was surprised; Sidney didn’t seem like the type to indulge in Chinese takeout. 

“I’m sorry for yelling,” Sidney said, after the silence had stretched on for what felt like forever. “But we really do need to talk.”


	13. Thirteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! 
> 
> This chapter/fic is unbetaed, and I apologize for any and all mistakes.
> 
> I don't own any of these characters/people, nothing that happens in this is real, it’s all fake.
> 
> This chapter is all over the place and I am deeply sorry for that. I rewrote it about five times and am still not 100% happy with it but for my own sanity need to move past it. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and commenting! I hope you continue to read, enjoy and comment on this fic! <3

“I know you don’t want me on your team, I know you think that I’m a screw up and a problem. I’m sorry for my past actions, which made you think that way, and I’m sorry for last night. I let my guard down, and I’m incredibly sorry, I wont’ let it happen again.” Tyler said hoarsely, trying desperately to sound professional. 

Sidney exhaled slowly. “Tyler,” he said gruffly, “you really need to shut the fuck up.” 

“But-” Tyler started, realizing that they were just going in circles but truthfully not really caring. 

“No,” Sidney said harshly, he sighed, and took off his hat, running his hands through his hair. Cash rested his head on Sidney’s knee and he glanced down at his furry face. Tyler continued to cling to Marshall. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry.” Sidney said at last, “I’m sorry for being such a dick to you and making it seem like I didn’t want you on the team.” 

Sidney continued, “we were friendly from Team Canada stuff, and I completely shut you out when you got to Pittsburgh. I was upset about Flower being traded, and I took it out on you, not even thinking about the fact that your entire life just got uprooted. I didn’t behave the way captain should, and more importantly, I didn’t act the way a friend should and I’m so fucking sorry.” 

Tyler blinked, that was in no way shape or form what he was expecting but Sidney wasn’t done. 

“I know I don’t deserve you to accept my apology, the way I acted was unacceptable, and inexcusable. I want to do whatever I can to fix it, even though I know I might not be able to and I’ll just need to accept that. But I really am extremely sorry, and want us to be friends again if you’re willing.” 

Sidney took a deep breath. “And I want you to stop worrying about drinking too much last night, I know with the amount of abuse you got from Boston that might be hard but you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“You were celebrating a win with your team. We’ve all been there, I wanted to talk to you last night, and when I realized that wasn’t going to happen I thought I at least owed you to keep an eye on you and make sure nothing bad happened to you. You’re a good guy Tyler and I’m so fucking sorry people have always told you otherwise, and that I helped to make you feel that way.” 

All Tyler could do was stare at Sidney; he was completely lost for words and had absolutely no idea what to say, or how to respond. 

“Okay,” Tyler said, his voice cracking and tears filling his eyes. He fixed his gaze firmly on Marshall, and tried to focus on the soft warmth of his fur under his fingers. He didn’t want Sidney to see the wetness in his eyes. 

“I just, did I do something?” Tyler asked, his voice rough. “Like, we were friends and then I got here and suddenly we weren’t? Like we exchanged Christmas cards.” He hated how emotional he was being. But he was worn out and broken down. Everything that had been brewing inside since the trade bubbling out. 

“No, fuck, no Tyler you did nothing wrong. This was all on me,” Sidney said. “I was going through some stuff and didn’t handle it well, and you were new and I took it out on you and I’m so, so, sorry. I was wrong.” Sidney hated the way that Tyler sat before him looking broken, trying hard not to cry and knowing that it was his fault. Sidney blinked, his own eyes feeling wet. 

“I’m still sorry, I mean I must have done something-” Tyler started, sniffling, finally letting the tears he had been suppressing fall. He was exhausted, and frustrated and couldn’t fight it anymore. 

“Tyler, no,” said Sidney standing up, causing Cash to huff, unhappy that he was being made to move. “Tyler, you’re one of the best people I know, you’re an amazing person, a great friend and an incredible hockey player.” Sidney said softly, awkwardly wrapping his arms around Tyler’s shoulder. 

Tyler stiffed, not sure how to react to the contact before relaxing, leaning into the touch to bury his face in Sidney’s shoulder. 

“I’m sorry,” he said again, his voice muffled against the fabric of Sidney’s shirt. 

“I’m sorry, too.” Sidney said, rubbing what he hoped where soothing circles against Tyler’s back. His spine ached from the weird half folded position he was in, but his need to console Tyler out weighed his own comfort. 

“Fuck,” Tyler said, he pulled away from Sidney and tried to smile. “You were just trying to return a jacket and now I’m crying all over you after wrecking your diet plan.” 

Sidney rolled his eyes, taking Tyler’s cue to move towards lighter topics. “I don’t stick to it nearly as much as people seem to think I do.” He said. 

He paused, Tyler was essentially ending the conversation, but Sidney wasn’t done. He swallowed, “Can we start over?” he asked. Tyler looked confused for a second, but then nodded. Sidney smiled. 

“Hi, I’m Sidney Crosby, Captain of the Pittsburgh Penguins and I’m excited to welcome you to our team.” He said holding out his hand for Tyler to shake. Tyler swallowed back the hysterical bubble of laughter threatening to erupt from his chest. 

“Hi Mr. Crosby, I’m Tyler Seguin and I’m excited to be here,” Tyler said, trying not to think to hard about the warmth of Sidney’s hand as it engulfed his own. 

Sidney rolled his eyes. “Please, call me Sid, we’re teammates, no, friends now.” 

Tyler smiled, and Sidney did a mental fist pump when he saw that for the first time since he came to Pittsburgh, it reached the younger man’s eyes. 

“Thank you,” Tyler said softly, and Sidney smiled. He wanted to wrap Tyler up in his arms and continue to apologize for hurting him, he wanted to protect him and keep him safe. Though he knew that wasn’t his place. 

Cash whined and pawed at Sidney’s knee, annoyed that he wasn’t receiving attention, causing Sidney to look down and smile. 

“You’re going to have to hang out with us now,” Tyler said, wiping at his cheeks with the back of his hand, trying to wash away the drying tear tracks. 

“Is that so?” Sidney asked, playing along. He felt almost like he was experiencing whiplash from the quick switch in mood and emotion, within their interaction but knew that it was Tyler’s form of self defense. He was protecting himself. 

“Yep,” Tyler said cheekily popping the “p”. “Cash is attached now which means you’re going to have to hang out with us now. He’ll be sad if you don’t.” 

Sidney hummed. “Well, we can’t have Cash getting sad now can we?” 

Tyler shook his head. “He’s even more pathetic than I am when he’s upset,” Tyler explained. He paused. “Do you want to watch a movie or something?” he asked, “since we have tomorrow morning off?” 

Sidney shrugged and scratched Cash behind the ears. “Sure,” he said, a wicked grin encompassing his features. “We should order Insomnia Cookies though, they have this new one that tastes like cheesecake and it’s the best thing.”

Tyler blinked. “That was the last thing I think I thought that you would ever say.” He said and Sidney shrugged. He had a sweet tooth and the last forty-five minutes had been emotional, even more so since he wasn’t being fully truthful. 

“I like cookies, my sister got me addicted to them last time she came to visit since they deliver them to your door,” Sidney explained sheepishly he stood up and then pulled his phone out of his pocket so that he could order the cookies on the app. His jeans were too snug in the back for him to get his phone out while he was bent over. Tyler quickly tore his gaze away from Sidney’s ass, not wanting to get caught staring. Things were finally starting to look up, the last thing he needed was to blow it now. 

Tyler stood up, suddenly filled with a nervous energy as Sidney ordered. He went into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of sparkling water, hoping that the bubbles would help to sooth the anxiety that had made an appearance in his stomach. His emotions were cycling a mile a minute as he returned and sat down on the couch next to Sidney. He cued up Netflix, picking a movie at random. Marshall and Cash climbed up onto the couch, making themselves comfortable in between them. 

Tyler sipped his water while Sidney made small talk, waiting for the movie to load. Tyler didn’t want him to know that he was freaking out. He thought about discretely texting Muzz but decided against it. He didn’t want to start gossiping amongst the team. His head felt like it was all over the place as he tried to relax against the cushions. 

Sidney had apologized for the way he had treated him when he got to Pittsburgh. He said he wanted to be friends now but Tyler couldn’t help but find himself waiting for the catch. He thought about the conversation he had overheard when he first got here, between Sidney and Mario. Sidney had confidently called Tyler a problem. He had apologized and said that he had taken his frustrations about Fleury being traded out on him but that didn’t explain why he had tried to convince Mario that he was an issue. 

Tyler didn’t think that Sidney was cruel enough to lull him into a false sense of security but he couldn’t figure out another reason for him to suddenly be so nice. Tyler stiffed, suddenly wondering if he had said something the night before. Everything after getting to the bar was blank until Sidney woke him up in his hotel room. He hadn’t blacked out so badly since he was nineteen and had just won the Stanley Cup. Tyler swallowed hard, and squeezed his bottle of water harder than he intended, causing he plastic to cave in and splatter him. He flushed and Sidney suppressed a giggle as Tyler scurried up off the couch and into the kitchen to grab a paper towel. He couldn’t even tell you what movie he had put on or why he thought that inviting Sidney to stay longer was a good idea. 

He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to focus on his breathing. Tyler couldn’t help but wonder if he had said something to Sidney last night about the crush he had on him that was about the size of Texas. Tyler’s stomach churned and he wondered if his soup was going to make a reappearance as the thought grabbed hold of his mind. That’s why Sidney was being so nice to him. Sidney pitied him. 

His stomach lurched and Tyler ran to the bathroom, falling to his knees just in time to throw up the soup, the only thing he had managed to eat that day. Luckily, the walls in his new house were thick and he was able to flush the toilet and brush his teeth without Sidney knowing that he had been sick. 

He ran his fingers through his hair and sat back down on the couch. Marshall raised his head in greeting, fixing Tyler with his dark gaze as if he knew that something wasn’t right. Tyler reached over and dug his fingers into Marshall’s fur, letting his dog ground him once again. Marshall scooted closer to him, all but climbing into his lap. Tyler smiled down at his dog, trying to force himself to relax. He felt a little better now that his stomach was empty, though paranoid was still settled in his chest. He glanced over at Sidney, taking in the cut of his jaw, and the flutter of his eye lashes as be blinked, his features illuminated by the light of the television screen. Tyler looked back down at Marshall. He would try to go with the flow, and let Sidney lead when it came to what Tyler was considering a pseudo friendship.


	14. Fourteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings! 
> 
> This chapter/fic is unbetaed, and I apologize for any and all mistakes.
> 
> I don't own any of these characters/people, nothing that happens in this is real, it’s all fake.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy this chapter! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and commenting! I hope you continue to read, comment and enjoy <3

“Oof,” Tyler huffed as Cash managed to step right on his dick when he scampered back onto the bed. He shoved his dog off of his crotch, and reached down to adjust his dick, silently apologizing to the appendage. He yawned, arching his back off of the mattress, as he got comfortable once again on the bed. The bed he had gotten when he moved to Pittsburgh was incredible. 

They had an early morning practice, and now it was snowing. Tyler was just thankful that he was back warm and cozy in his awesome new house. Tyler had decided that the perfect response to winter weather was a nap before Sidney, Muzz and Sheary came over to watch extra tape before a game against the Wild the next day. Now that he and Sidney were getting along, and that he was playing on the first line, Sheary had become incredible enthusiastic about “liney bonding.” Muzz had invited himself to tag along since Chris was out of town visiting her cousin. 

He dug around the blankets, finding his phone in between the top sheet and the duvet. He unlocked it, and took a picture of Marshall and Cash curled up on the bed, Cash with his head now resting on Tyler’s hip. He smiled and tweeted the photo, with the caption “Post Practice snowy days.” He was trying to be more active on social media, trying to let his new city get to know him. He scrolled through his feed, ignoring the influx of comments and favorites that he photo was gathering. 

He paused, seeing that Jamie had tweeted a picture of Charles and Juice staring each other down. Tyler smiled and favorited the picture without thinking. He bit his lip and pulled up his contacts before he could change his mind. If this went poorly Tyler figured he could always blame it on still being half asleep and then dump some Kahlua in the hot chocolate he was planning on making later. It rang twice. 

“Hey Tyler,” said Jamie softly; Tyler could hear the smile in his voice, along with a slight hesitation. Tyler didn’t blame him, after the way Tyler had treated him Tyler would be hesitant too. 

“Hey,” he said, biting his lip. He took a deep breath, speaking before Jamie had a chance to. 

“I’m sorry,” he said in a rush, “I’m sorry for ignoring you and being a dick and just like everything.” 

“It’s okay, and for what it’s worth I’m sorry too,” said Jamie. 

Tyler shook his head even though Jamie couldn’t see him. “You don’t have any reason to be sorry.” He took a deep breath. “I was wrong, I was being immature and I’m really sorry, I didn’t even think about how everything was changing for you too, with Jordie getting traded and then me.” 

“It’s okay,” Jamie, said his voice soft. “You needed time, I should have given that to you instead of trying to smoother you. I wanted to fix it, and I didn’t know how.” 

“You were just being a good friend,” said Tyler. He shifted, tugging the blankets up to his chin in a form of self-defense. He felt vulnerable and he didn’t like it. Ever since his conversation with Sidney vulnerability made his skin crawl. Being vulnerable meant admitting things that he wasn’t ready to. 

“Anyway, how are you? How’s Dallas?” Tyler asked, changing the subject abruptly. “I saw that picture you tweeted of Charles and Juice, they look like they’re getting along better.” If Jamie noticed the three sixty chance he must have decided that fixing their friendship was more important that pressing the issue. 

“Dallas is Dallas,” Jamie answered, “and I’m good, Charles is finally started to accept that Juice isn’t going anywhere which is good.” Jamie had ended up with custody of the pit-bull after Jordie was traded to Montreal and their anti-pit-bull laws. Once again Tyler found himself getting fired able the laws. All dogs were good dogs and it angered him beyond belief that a city would ban an entire breed. 

They continued to make small talk, Tyler complaining about the snow, and Jamie filling him in on the newest locker room antics of Tyler’s former team. Tyler noticed the way he danced around Fleury’s presence on the team, Tyler’s replacement. He wasn’t sure if he was grateful for Jamie’s foresight or annoyed that he thought he was that fragile. Then again, he hadn’t given Jamie a lot of reasons to believe that he wasn’t fragile after the ways he had actuated. 

There was a lull in conversation, Tyler momentarily distracted by Cash trying to bite Marshall’s tail when Jamie spoke. He loved his boys, and his boys loved each other. They just sometimes showed it in interesting ways. Marshall was his good boy, calm and loving, meanwhile Cash was always trying to play. It was like he had never grown out of his puppy phase even though he was almost three years old now. 

“And ah, I, I wasn’t sure if I should tell you, or how to tell you, but I feel like I’m supposed to, but um, I met someone.” 

Tyler sucked in a breath, silently thankful that Jamie couldn’t see his expression. He was surprised though. Even though the breakup had been amicable, Tyler had expected to feel something when Jamie said he was with someone else. He wondered what it meant that he felt nothing, except for maybe happiness for one of his best friends. 

“That’s awesome!” Tyler said, his voice carrying more enthusiasm than he meant. He gave Cash another shove, and a glare that told him to leave his brother alone. 

He was ready to talk about Jamie’s new person, it was better than answering the questions he was sure were coming about Pittsburgh. Questions that he wasn’t entirely sure how to answer. 

Pittsburgh was becoming home. Especially in the two weeks since he and Sidney had their heart to heart. They were now occasionally playing on the same line, getting food after games and practices, watching movies and tape. Tyler had even managed to convince Sidney to go on a trail run with him and the dogs over the weekend, and it was a well-known fact that Sidney actually hated running.

His head and his heart were a confused mess. Sidney was apparently sticking true to his proclamation that he wanted them to be friends, and was all-in in terms of their friendship. It wasn’t helping Tyler’s crush. He putting it that way made him feel like a middle school girl but he wasn’t sure what else to call it. All he knew was that the more time he spent with Sidney, the more the feelings grew. Especially since, they were actually friends now, instead of Sidney being his cold captain. 

“Really?” Jamie asked, Tyler hated that he sounded skeptical. He knew he had been immature and a terrible friend to Jamie after the trade, and he felt awful that Jamie was scared to tell him he met someone and that he was so surprised that Tyler was happy for him. 

“Yeah!” Said Tyler, toning down his enthusiasm to a more normal level. “As long as they make you happy, I’m happy.” He said. “Tell me about them, what is their name?”

“Ah, her name is Katie,” Jamie said sheepishly. “She’s a yoga instructor, I started taking a class after you left, it’s supposed to be good for my hips, anyway we hit it off, she’s really cool. I think you’d like her. She doesn’t even make fun of Charles.” 

Tyler smiled. He was once again hit with guilt that he had never even stopped to consider how hard it must have been for Jamie having both his brother and his best friend traded across the country within a month of each other. Especially so soon after their romantic relationship had ended. It was nice that Jamie found someone that made him happy, and wasn’t put off by his one eyed diabetic cat. Tyler loved animals, but he was definitely a dog person. He hadn’t exactly cared for Charles and Charles had returned the hostile feelings. Tyler still had a few scars from Charles protesting his existence with his claws. 

“That’s awesome. You’ll have to introduce us next time we play each other in Dallas,” Tyler paused, “or, next time you play up here you should bring her.” He wanted to meet the woman who was making Jamie sound so happy. Tyler’s phone vibrated with a text and he put it on speaker so he could respond. Sidney was wondering if Tyler still had any cucumber lime Gatorade or if he was going to have to bring his own. Hot chocolate wasn’t in Sidney’s diet plan, and he was always going on about hydrating. 

Tyler rolled his eyes as he answered that he had gotten more when he went grocery shopping last night so they should be good. He had never met anyone who actually liked the cucumber lime Gatorade before but Sidney was full of surprises. He drank it nearly exclusively when he was on a point streak, which he was currently approaching game eleven of. The first time Sidney had witnessed Tyler’s collection of blue and orange Gatorade had lead to him doing the little clenched jaw twitch. 

“Maybe I will,” said Jamie happily. “What about you? Break any hearts since you got to Pittsburgh?

“I think I’m in love with Sidney Crosby.” Tyler blurted before realizing what he was saying. His heart was racing in his chest as he realized how much he meant the words. The crush he had been harboring had turned into full on love at some point after their friendship blossomed. He felt sick. He was in love with Sidney. He wanted to laugh when it hit him that Sidney was his captain, just as Jamie had been. He was such a cliché. Apparently he had a type. 

He wasn’t sure how he expected Jamie to respond, but with laughter wasn’t it. 

“Isn’t everyone?” Jamie asked, once he caught his breath. “That ass, and that hockey, Jesus, it was a miracle we managed to play any hockey, let alone win gold at the Olympics, I swear, half of the first practice was just everyone watching him in awe.” 

Tyler blinked. Jamie thought he was joking. 

“Yeah he really is something,” Tyler said, trying to keep the wistfulness out of his voice. If Jamie thought that he was joking then it was better to just go with it, and forget that he had ever said anything. 

“So anyone other than Sidney?” Jamie asked, Tyler rolled his eyes that was one thing he didn’t miss. Jamie liked to gossip more than a stereotypical teenage girl. 

“Nope,” Tyler said, “I’ve been trying to keep a low profile you know, not fuck up and get my ass traded again.” He paused. “Plus I haven’t exactly had a chance to meet anyone other than the team, I haven’t really been here that long, and I’ve been a little preoccupied like playing hockey and finding a house.” 

“I saw your snapchat story,” Jamie chirped, pointedly ignoring the comment about a fuck up being the reason he got traded. “The house looks nice.”   
Tyler flushed with pride even though there was no one there to see it. “Thanks, it’s becoming home.” He bit his lip, “the snow blower I ordered came yesterday, I still can’t figure out how to use it, but like I’m going to have to, or else I’ll be shoveling for hours,” Tyler glanced out the window by his bed, “it’s coming down hard.” 

Jamie laughed, “don’t you make enough to pay some neighborhood kid to shovel your drive way,” he teased. 

“I wish,” Tyler, said, “I pretty much am the kid in the neighborhood.” 

“Well, have fun shoveling then.” Jamie said. He paused, “I should probably go though, I’m supposed to pick up Katie.” 

Tyler smiled, “have fun, tell her I said hi.” 

“Will do, bye Ty,” Jamie said. 

“Bye Jamie,” Tyler said softly and hung up the phone.


	15. Fifteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings!
> 
> As usual:
> 
> This chapter/fic is unbetaed, and I apologize for any and all mistakes. (Let me know if there are any huge ones!)
> 
> I don't own any of these characters/people, nothing that happens in this is real, it’s all fake.
> 
> (Also, I super don't know how babies work, I am literally the worst at guessing how old they are, and how they act at various ages.) 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you think! Comments make me more happy than I can put into words.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy! <3

Tyler scrolled through his snapchat contacts so that he could send Jamie a snap of Marshall and Cash jumping and tripping over each other in their desperation to get into his SUV. The video cut off after Tyler broke into laughter at Marshall loosing his footing and slipping, Cash using the momentum to push off of the older dog and catapult himself into the back seat triumphantly. 

He scrolled back up to his best friends list and hesitated, his finger hovering over Sidney’s name. He blinked when he saw the yellow heart next to Sidney’s name and flushed, wondering to himself when and how they had ended up mutual snapchat best friends. He had been shocked that Sidney had even had snapchat, Mr. Anti Social Media, but he was surprisingly active on the app. Their yellow heart best friend status confirmed that. Marshall barked, and Tyler jumped slightly, he selected Sidney’s name and hit send then slammed the backseat door shut. He climbed into the driver’s seat and dropped his phone into the cup holder. 

Suddenly he was over analyzing everything. He wondered if it seemed desperate that he was sending Sidney a video of his dogs when they were on their way to Sidney’s house. Tyler wished his feelings for Sidney would go away, but they only seemed to grow stronger as he and his captain grew closer. 

His feelings frustrated Tyler to no end, especially since he knew that there was no chance in hell that Sidney would ever be interested in him like that. Tyler honestly wasn’t sure Sidney was interested in anyone in that way. His own feelings just complicated things further and he silently vowed for what felt like the thousandth time that Sidney would never, could never find out.   
Even though their friendship seemed solid, snapchat best friend status and all, part of Tyler was still waiting for the other foot to drop. His mind wandered as he drove, flashing back to the conversation he had over heard weeks ago right after he first traded. Tyler stopped at a red light and took a deep breath, working too push those thoughts away and his feelings down. 

He was going over to Sidney’s for dinner, video games and tape. His skates and stick were in the trunk just in case. There was a good chance they would end up messing around on the synthetic ice in Sidney’s basement. 

There was no reason for him to make things weird. Sidney had even been nice enough to invite Marshall and Cash. Because Sidney had become a good friend and knew how much Tyler hated leaving his dogs alone. They were his children. Plus, Sidney had taken a liking to Cash and Tyler was positive the feelings were returned. If he was being honest, he some times wondered if Cash liked Sidney more than him. Last time Tyler had been over, Sidney had even sheepishly reveled that he had purchased the pups their own dog bowl to keep at his house. 

The drive to Sidney’s took less time than Tyler would have liked, and Marshall and Cash were nearly tripping over each other in their excitement when they realized where they were. Their enthusiasm made Tyler smile. This was Sidney, his captain who was quickly becoming on of his best friends as they put the past behind them. There was absolutely no reason to feel weird or over think things. He would get over his crush on Sidney just like he got over his brief crush on Marchy when he was first drafted. Everything would be fine. 

Tyler drove through the gate after entering the code Sidney had texted him after the first time he had been invited over. Honestly, Tyler was of the opinion that Sidney probably needed a better passcode than “87091687” but he didn’t have the heart to tell him that. He parked in the drive way and let the dogs out of the back of the car, making his way to the front door with the pair padding along at his heels. Tyler rang the doorbell and Sidney answered it not even a second later with a baby on his hip. Tyler swallowed hard his heart racing as he took in the way Sidney easily maneuvered the door, the dogs and the baby. Everything was not fine. 

“I’m so sorry,” Sidney said, stepping aside to let Tyler through, Marshall and Cash had already barreled inside. 

“What?” Tyler asked dumbly, his brain having not yet fully come back online. Sidney was holding a baby. An adorable little tiny human being and he looked perfectly comfortable doing so. 

“Nicky,” Sidney explained, “Anna has the flu and Geno has been running around like a chicken with his head cut off, I offered to watch Nicky so that he could try and get their lives together.” 

Oh, thought Tyler, he knew the baby looked familiar, he was Nikita Malkin. Tyler tried to suppress the sudden sadness that meant Sidney had to give the baby back. He looked extremely comfortable and happy taking care of him. 

“That’s nice of you,” said Tyler, and then winced. His brain was still mush. He had never experienced such a strong parental instinct before, or a sudden desire to have kids. However, after seeing Sidney with Nikita, Tyler suddenly wanted to have kids, badly, and he wanted to have them with Sidney. He swallowed hard. He was fucked. 

“Yeah, I just, I’m still sorry for not letting you know, I hope him being here doesn’t cramp your style too much.” Said Sidney apologetically. 

Tyler shook his head, “No, fuck, wait, shit, sorry,” He needed to get better about swearing in the presence of little ears. Sidney was smiling, trying hard not to laugh. “I love babies.” He blurted. Sidney’s grin grew. 

“So you’re not mad?” he asked, still sounding slightly apprehensive. 

“Only if you don’t hand him over,” said Tyler making grabbing hands in Sidney’s direction. He wanted Nikita and he wanted him now. Tyler took off his coat and hung it on the hooks Sidney had by the door, and slide off his boots setting them on the shoe mat. Sidney rolled his eyes and handed Nikita over to Tyler. 

“Hi Nicky,” said Tyler happily, smiling widely as he balanced the child on his hip. “I’m Tyler, do you remember me? I play hockey with your daddy and Uncle Sidney.” Nicky grabbed a handful of the loose fabric of Tyler’s knit gray sweater, liking the way the soft fabric felt against his little figures. 

“Da ey!” Nicky babbled happily, he let go of the sweater to grab at Tyler’s ear. 

“You’re his new best friend,” said Sidney smiling. 

“I am perfectly okay with that, you’ve been replaced.” Said Tyler cheekily. Sidney rolled is eyes but led Tyler into the kitchen anyway. 

“I’m making chicken and pasta with an Alfredo sauce for dinner,” said Sidney, “we’ll see if I share.”

“Aw, don’t be like that,” Tyler, said, bantering along. His stomach rumbled softly at the mention of food, luckily Sidney didn’t notice. Nicky did though, and kicked his legs happily. They were at the point in the season where he was desperately consuming calories, trying to keep his weight up, something he always struggled with. Tyler hoisted Nicky up a bit higher on his hip and hooked his chin over Sidney’s shoulder playfully. The strong feelings burning in his chest causing him to push the limits even more than he typically would. 

“I promise you’re still my bestie,” Tyler teased, “I just love Nicky more than you.” That was a blatant lie but there was no way that Sidney could ever know that. Tyler pulled away from Sidney and pressed a kiss to Nicky’s forehead. He babbled happily the way that babies to. Fuck, Tyler wanted one. Maybe he would get another puppy. Speaking of puppies, he wondered if he should go find Marshall and Cash, they had ran off, making themselves at home in Sidney’s house. He bit his lip. They were probably fine. 

“I guess I can live with that,” said Sidney. He stirred the pot of pasta on the stove. 

“Is there anything I can do to help?” asked Tyler. Sidney laughed. 

“Nope, it’s all set, just needs to finish cooking,” Sidney said, he bit back a smile. “Plus, I’ve seen you try to cook, it usually ends up with us ordering take out.” 

Tyler flushed, the one time he had tried to make Sidney dinner he had ended up burning it beyond belief. Tyler had been distracted by Sidney’s smile, and giggling laugh and his ass and his entire existence. He had drank a bit more wine than he probably should have, and it meant his mind had wondered even further than it normally would have. They ended up having to order Thai food. 

“That was one time!” Tyler whined, but he knew that Sidney was only teasing him. “Since you don’t want my help, Nicky and I are going to find my boys.” Tyler said. “Do you want to meet my puppies?” he asked, addressing Nicky, who grinned. 

He found Marshall and Cash easily enough, laying on the plush navy area rug in Sidney’s living room. Marshall lifted his head up from his paws when Tyler and Nicky walked in, his tail wagging. 

“Marshall, this is Nicky,” said Tyler, speaking in the higher pitched voice reserved for his dogs and when he interacted with small children who were nervous to be meeting hockey players. 

Marshall’s tail continued to wag as he trotted over, Cash was completely ignore them in favor of rolling over to sprawl on his back. 

“Marshall, sit,” said Tyler and Marshall dropped into the seating position. Nicky giggled and reached out a chubby little arm in Marshall’s direction. Tyler smiled and bent down so that Nicky could touch the soft fur on the top Marshall’s head. Marshall lifted up his head, reaching up so that he could lick Nicky. Tyler and Nicky both froze, Nicky’s eyes going wide, and his mouth hanging open as he stared at the dog. 

Suddenly, Nicky started laughing clapping his hands happily and reaching back out to grab at Marshall again. Tyler exhaled the breath he hadn’t even realized he was holding slowly. 

“Good boy Marshall,” he said scratching behind his ears with his free hand. Marshall’s tail continued to wag, thumping heavily on the carpet. 

“I take it the meeting went well?” asked Sidney, startling Tyler who spun around to face him. 

“Yeah,” he said quickly schooling his features when he realized he was wearing a ridiculous smile. 

“Anyway, the pasta is ready, we can put Nicky in his chair while we eat,” said Sidney. Tyler nodded and handed Nicky over to Sidney, whose grin only grew as they made their way back into the kitchen. Everything felt so domestic, it was making Tyler’s head spin. He wanted to kiss Sidney so fucking bad. It felt like what Tyler imagined their future would be like. Taking turns making dinner, the dogs curled up in the living room, a baby being passed back and forth form hip to him. 

Tyler swallowed hard as he sat down at the kitchen table. He was in too deep. He needed to start distancing himself from Sidney. His feelings were out of control and it wasn’t fair to Sidney. He either needed to come clean or get over it, and there was no way he could ever tell Sidney how he felt. The pasta Sidney made was objectively delicious, but it tasted like ash on his tongue. Tyler wondered why he always had to ruin a good thing.


	16. Sixteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> This chapter/fic is unbetaed, and I apologize for any and all mistakes. (Let me know if there are any huge ones!)
> 
> This chapter is a little different than the previous ones (at least in my opinion!) and I hope you still like it! Things will all be boiling over soon! 
> 
> I’m so sorry it took so long for this update to be posted! I ended up on the spur the moment trip to Arizona and didn’t have a lot of wifi connection in the desert. (However, get excited because this means there is also an Auston Matthews fic on the way because inspiration hit)
> 
> I don't own any of these characters/people, nothing that happens in this is real, it’s all fake.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you think! Comments make me more happy than I can put into words.
> 
> Thank you! Enjoy! <3

Tyler fiddled with the label on his bottle of sparkling Voss water. He still wasn’t drinking, and had attempted to order a glass of water. But he had panicked when their waiter had asked him if he wanted sparkling or still. He felt pretentious as hell, drinking an eight-dollar bottle of water. He felt young and uncultured when the waiter had set it in front of him and he had reached forward, breaking the seal and taking a sip from the plastic. He hadn’t noticed that the waiter had meant to set a wine glass out for him to drink from. Apparently that was the appropriate method for consuming his over priced water. He’s not sure why their waiter even thought he was someone who was worthy of Voss water. He had stuck his head under the tap, drinking straight from the sink before he left for their game that evening. He felt young, too many emotions circling through his chest as he floated distracted through life. 

He hadn’t even realized they were playing Dallas the night before they left on a circus road trip until Jamie had texted him, wanting to see if he was up for drinks, and for meeting Katie. Tyler felt like an awful friend when he realized he had forgotten Jamie’s new lovers name. Luckily he had come to his senses and was able to rewrite his text before he made such a social error. 

After he had been traded from Boston to Dallas the day they would meet had been circled on his calendar. It was a countdown he obsessed over, making himself so sick he was nearly scratched from the game where he would meet his former teammates, his estranged brothers across the ice for the first time. He had thrown up before he had taken the ice for the national anthem, and again during the first and second intermissions. When they lost the game four to zero, he left the locker room without a single word. He sat on his kitchen floor and finished off a bottle of tequila. He drank until he passed out, waking up the next morning lying in a puddle of vomit. His tee shirt was stuck to his back with sweat, the Dallas logo on his chest feeling just so wrong. Marshall pawing at his stomach, whining softly in concern, Cash had yet to join the picture. Tyler had pulled himself to his feet, and let Marshall into the fenced in yard. He cleaned up the mess he had made, and forced himself to go on with his life even when it hurt deep in his chest. 

In Pittsburgh, he had become so wrapped up in his own life, in his own thoughts, his feelings for Sidney and his attempts at avoiding the object of his affection. The game had snuck up on him, and Tyler wasn’t sure if this it was better or worse. Even Jamie’s texts of “looking forward to seeing you,” hadn’t been enough to pull Tyler from his head and the game felt like any other game until he was met with the green and white uniforms across the ice. He reminded himself as Sidney faced off against Jamie that he was one of the boys in black and gold. He smiled ruefully around his mouth guard; it was a new thing that he was even wearing one. He always looked better in black than green anyway. 

They won the game two to one, and Tyler was able to convince Muzz and Chris to join him in meeting Jamie and Katie for drinks. It was easier than he expected, though as Tyler sipped his over priced water he realized that it was probably because Muzz was trying to avoid Fleury, Sidney’s post game “date” for the evening. His friend still carried guilt that the veteran goaltender had been traded, feeling responsible for him having to uproot his life and leave the team that had drafted him first overall, the team he had expected to spend his entire career with. 

Seeing Jamie was different than Tyler expected. He felt like he was watching, from the outside looking in. Jamie and Katie were so in synch in an organic way that spoke loudly of how they had no idea they were so caught in each others orbits. He thought the realization would sting, that it would hurt to see someone he thought he loved in harmony with someone else. But Tyler felt nothing. They had never been connected in such a way, even during the high of their relationship, too caught up in lust and each other’s body to realize they were slowly falling apart. There was a distance, a separation between them that he hadn’t expected. It reminded him of the cousins you only see once or twice a year. You’re family and there is history, but the connection that makes you family is absent. 

Despite the feelings of separation, conversation still flowed easily and soon the group chatted as if they were old friends. Tyler, was content for the moment to float on the fringes of the conversation. Chiming in when necessary, like when Jamie started on Tyler still driving the Mercedes in the snow, mimicking previous warnings of how it was a death trap in Pittsburgh winter weather. Tyler brushed them off, reminding everyone that buying another car was on his list of things to do, it just hadn’t happened yet. He had prioritized acquiring a snow blower, and furniture for his new house. 

Chris stole a french fry from Muzz’s plate, and shared a look with Tyler when he didn’t notice, too engaged in conversation with Jamie about Charles. Surprisingly Muzz found the one eyed cat fascinating and had an abundance of questions that Jamie was realizing he wasn’t able to answers. Muzz was extremely concerned about how only having one eye effected Charles’s depth perception, and his ability to “cat.” Katie was grinning behind her cocktail and trying not to laugh. Muzz was so earnest, and concerned about Charles, eyes wide in concern in a hyper focused way that only a goalie could. 

Taking Chris’s lead, Tyler stealthily stole his own French fry from Muzz’s plate and popped it in his mouth. He wasn’t sure why putting the words “parmesan truffle” in front of the word fry suddenly made them worth fifteen dollars but Tyler wasn’t going to complain. Muzz’s fries were a step up from the McDonald’s fries of his youth. They were actually good. The restaurant they had ended up in, sitting at a high top table nestled in the corner out of the way, was trendier and more hipster than Tyler was used to. Leading his cynical internal monolog. Then again, he had been in a cynical mood since he began distancing himself from Sidney. 

He didn’t want to admit it, because he was in his own self imposed exhale, but he missed Sidney, in the way he knew he should have missed Jamie. Sidney had become his best friend, and there was an ache the size of his smile burning inside his chest. He felt like he was going through a breakup, but that was impossible. He hadn’t been in a relationship, and there had been no final ending. He merely pulled himself away from the person that made him feel like he could fit. He wondered if in his attempts to prevent himself from getting hurt, he was only managing to hurt himself further. 

Chris linked her ankle around Tyler’s under the table, drawing his attention away from the water bottle label. The shiny shrink-wrapped plastic logo peeling away in the places his blunt nails has scratched at it. 

“Are you okay?” she asked softly, Tyler flushed, and nodded. 

“Yeah,” he lied, keeping his voice low so that no one else would hear his false confession. “Just tired.” 

Chris nodded, not believing him fully, but accepting his answer for the time being. She took a sip of her pomegranate martini, leaving a near perfect lipstick mark along the edge of the glass. She couldn’t even begin to image how Tyler must be feeling, having his two worlds collide, the old meeting the new. It might not have been the wave of emotions that he was expecting but it still stirred inside of him, even if it was buried beneath the thoughts of Sidney. 

“I’ll be right back,” Tyler said, standing up abruptly, suddenly needing air. It felt like the walls were closing in on him. Muzz looked concerned, as did Chris, but she placed a hand on his forearm keeping him grounded. Jamie brushed off Tyler’s movements, used to years of living in each other’s pockets and the quirks that made Tyler, Tyler. Katie wordlessly followed Jamie’s lead, drawing Chris into a conversation about what it was like moving from Thunderbay to Pittsburgh, and how she balanced life with law school and dating a professional hockey player. Katie had lived in Dallas her whole life, and she found the idea of uprooting herself terrifying. 

Tyler forced a smiled for the hostess, breathing deeply as the cold winter air assaulted his lungs, instantly working to clear his head. He felt like a mess even in his freshly pressed designer suit. He was filled with a nervous energy despite playing nearly twenty-five minutes in the game that evening, the most since he was traded to Pittsburgh. His muscles felt heavy, but he needed to keep moving. He tugged the over coat he had the foresight to grab when he made his departure closer to his body. There was a convenient store on the corner two buildings down from the restaurant. Tyler slipped inside, flinching when he was hit with a sudden rush of hot air. He’s not sure why he was surprised by the warmth of the shop, but he was. He tossed a twenty down on the counter and bought a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. 

He had both started and stopped smoking in high school, but he was someone always chasing a vice. He had traded cigarettes for alcohol, alcohol for sex and sex for alcohol and alcohol for Sidney, but it looked like he had traveled full circle and was back to cigarettes. He wondered what it said about his choices that in this moment, that was the healthiest decision he could possibly make. 

He exited the shop and lit one of the cigarettes, he inhaled, the tobacco burning the back of his through slightly before he exhaled. He was out of practice and annoyed that as he walked back to the restaurant, the methodical movements of inhale-exhale-ash-repeat did not bring him the same comfort he remembered when he was fifteen. He was only half way through the cigarette when he arrived back at the restaurant door. He dropped it in the snow that had built up along the edge of the building, he watched in the dim streetlights as it rolled down the mound. He stepped forward and crushed it with the heel of his dress shoe before continuing his way back inside.

The host smiled at him, and this time when he returned the gesture it was with sincerity. He took off his coat and hung it on the back of his previously vacated chair. He sat down, the pack of cigarettes poking out of his jacket pocket. 

“We thought you got lost,” Jamie teased and Tyler ducked his head, smiling. He felt calmer, more level and while there was no logical reason for him to suddenly feel so settled he knew better than to question it. 

“Only a little,” Tyler answer and Jamie snorted, launching into a story of how even after three years of living in Dallas, Tyler still managed to get lost on his way to the airport. He wanted to defend himself, but he found he couldn’t since what Jamie said was true. He wondered if Katie knew the extent of his history with Jamie. But he found that he didn’t care, it didn’t matter. 

“You’re hopeless Segs,” said Muzz, his voice full of affection. Tyler smiled and took a sip from his over priced water.


	17. Seventeen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> This chapter/fic is unbetaed, and I apologize for any and all mistakes. (Let me know if there are any huge ones!)
> 
> I know the previous chapter wasn’t all that great, so hopefully this one is better and makes up for it! (If it's not I'm so sorry, but let me know so I can continue working on becoming a stronger writer!) 
> 
> I don't own any of these characters/people, nothing that happens in this is real, it’s all fake.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you think! Comments make me more happy than I can put into words. (Plus I can’t craft a better story without feedback!)
> 
> Thank you! Enjoy! <3

“Hey, can we talk if you have a minute?” Sidney asked, coming up behind Tyler, startling him as he tried to open his hotel room door without dropping his iPad or the to go cup of tea he had just gotten from the lobby Starbucks. 

He had been curled up in the hotel lounge after they had gotten into Vancouver that afternoon, people watching and reading the book he had downloaded onto his iPad. Tyler had been avoiding Sidney for the duration of the road trip, and had declined the invitation to take their night off to see him World War II movie that was in theaters. He figured that Sidney wouldn’t be able to resist team bonding, and a war movie. Therefore, it was better if he didn’t go. Though, despite his separation, he was no closer to getting over his feelings for the captain. Tyler had just finished his second cup of tea, when he decided a third was necessary but he would prefer to drink it in his own room so that he wouldn’t have to wear pants. 

When he heard Sidney’s voice he had a moment where he wished he had just ordered his tea via room service. If that had been the case he would have been safe behind a locked door when Sidney came looking for him and he would have been able to put off this confrontation for a little bit longer. Tyler was just so tired. 

Tyler nodded, for lack of any other option. He wanted to talk to Sidney more than anything, except he also knew that at the moment that was one of the worst things he could do. He succeeded in unlocking his room, and gestured for Sidney to follow him inside. Tyler sat down at the end of the bed, tossing his iPad onto the mattress beside him. He held his tea in both hands, blinking up at Sidney. 

“You wanted to talk?” he said, going for nonchalant and Sidney sighed, taking a seat next to him. Tyler was careful not to flinch, even when more than anything he wanted to press closer to the captain. He turned his body so that he was angled towards Sidney, tucking on of his legs under his body, leaving the other dangling. He took a sip from his to go cup, savoring the taste of slightly too hot honey citrus mint tea. 

Sidney nodded, suddenly looking extremely young and lost. He bit his lip. “Did I do something wrong?” he asked softly and Tyler blinked in confusion. That wasn’t what he was expecting. It seemed like no matter the circumstances Sidney was always surprising him. 

“What?” he asked, confusion bleeding into his voice. Sidney sighed. 

“You’ve been avoiding me,” Sidney said bluntly. He took a deep breath when Tyler remained silent. 

“At first I thought that you were just worried about the game against the Stars, and seeing your old teammates, but then we’ve been on the road and you’re still avoiding me. Then I thought maybe it was something to do with Benn’s girlfriend flying out to the Pittsburgh game to meet you, but Muzz and Shearsy said you were normal before and after that game and meeting Benn’s girl, and you’ve been fine with them, so it’s ah, just been me that you’re avoiding.” Sidney looked down at his hands. 

“I’m ah, not very good at this but Geno and Taylor, that’s my sister, said that means I must have done something wrong, and you’ve become one of my best friends, so I want to fix it.” 

Tyler’s heart broke; he hadn’t realized that by avoiding Sidney, he would be hurting him. 

“I’m sorry,” Tyler, said softly, “I just, it was all getting to be too much, I needed some space.” He said, only admitting to half of the truth. 

Sidney bit his lip, “No, I’m sorry,” He exhaled slowly, “I let my feelings get in the way, and I was projecting them onto you, and I’m sorry that I made you uncomfortable.” Sidney fiddled with the hem of the tee shirt he was wearing. “I can be better, and I’m sorry.” 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Tyler asked, he felt lost, like he was missing a major part of the conversation. His words came out sharper than intended and Sidney flinched though he tried to fight the involuntary motion. Tyler took a sip of his tea; it gave him something, trying to focus on his breathing. 

“My feelings!” Sidney said, frustration coloring his voice as if it should be obvious what he was talking about. 

“What feelings?” Tyler asked again feeling like they were having two separate conversations. He felt like a dick as soon as the words left his mouth, like he had implied that Sidney was a robot like some of the other teams joked. But luckily the captain didn’t take it that way. 

“The ones I have for you!” Sidney snapped finally, the frustration boiling over, his voice raised. Tyler felt like he was suddenly ejected without warning from a falling plane, like he was moving through jello, everything in slow motion even as the world rushed past him. 

“What are you talking about?” he asked, his voice cracking, his words sounded far away even to his own ears. He felt like he was having an out of body experience, like he was observing their conversation from the outside. His heart rate sped up with a sick hope, he so desperately wanted Sidney to be saying what he thought he was, but at the same time he knew it was hopeless. He clung to his cup, trying to focus on the grounding warmth seeping from the cardboard. 

Sidney looked up, Tyler was surprised to see that his eyes were glossy with unshed tears. “I’ve been half in love with you since we played at Worlds.” Sidney said quietly, Tyler didn’t have a chance to respond before Sidney was continuing, speaking quickly. “Which is kind of dumb and creepy because I didn’t even know you that well then but I wanted to get to know you better?” Sidney sighed, as if he was frustrated with himself. “And I’m so sorry, I thought I could handle it, that I was handling it, that it wasn’t a big deal.” 

Sidney sighed again and ran his fingers through his hair. “But I must have been making you uncomfortable because now you’re avoiding me and I’m sorry.” 

“But you don’t like me!” Tyler blurted, unable to accept that what Sidney was saying was true. There was no way he could have feelings for him, that he could love him. “I heard you talking to Mario when I first got here, you said I was an issue! And you treated me like one! And I know we got past that but you can’t love me, you can’t.” 

Sidney couldn’t love him. That would change everything, every interaction between them, everything that Tyler thought he knew about his life in Pittsburgh. Then again, said a voice quietly in the back of his mind. Maybe the change could be good. 

“Tyler,” said Sidney softly, “Tyler the issue wasn’t with you, it was with me, and the fact that I had a school boy crush the size of Texas on you. I’m not used to having or dealing with my feelings, and I was scared.” 

“Well I was scared too!” Tyler started but Sidney just shook his head and Tyler couldn’t believe that they were fighting, especially about this.

“I just wanted to apologize,” Sidney said, his voice breaking, “I just wanted us to be friends again, I, I miss you.” 

Sidney ran his fingers through his hair again. “And I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry I’m dumping all of this on you right now, I should have been honest from the start.” 

“Sidney, stop,” said Tyler, squeezing his eyes shut. “I wasn’t avoiding you because of something you did.” He took a deep breath. “I was avoiding you because it was too hard to be around you.” 

Sidney opened his mouth as if he wanted to ask questions, to argue but Tyler silenced him with a look. 

“Sidney, I’m in love with you, and I didn’t think there was any chance you could ever love me back. Hell, I thought I could just be a friend, content with you tolerating my presence but it got to be too hard, because I wanted to be around you all the time, so I ran away, for my own self preservation.” 

“Tyler,” Sidney whispered, trailing off slightly, Tyler wondered when they had moved closer to one another.

“Fuck,” said Tyler softly, “I didn’t even know you liked men, I didn’t even know you liked anybody.” 

Sidney smiled softly, “well I like you,” he said. He reached out slowly, giving Tyler the chance to pull away, but he stayed put, frozen in place as Sidney gently ran his fingers against Tyler’s cheek, tracing down his jaw line, Tyler’s stubble rough beneath his fingers. He trailed his fingers underneath Tyler’s chin, tilting his head upward, leaning closer. 

“Can I kiss you?” Sidney asked quietly, and Tyler nodded. 

“Please,” Tyler whispered, the words slipped wrecked from his tongue. Sidney eased forward, pressing his lips to Tyler’s in a chaste kiss. Tyler hummed quietly, pleasure vibrating up his spine.

He moved closer, parting his lips to lick into Sidney’s mouth. Their tongues tangled and Sidney moaned. Tyler reached up, running his fingers through Sidney’s hair. It was soft and fluffy, Sidney hadn’t bothered matting it down with gel on their day off. Tyler scooted closer, aching to press himself to Sidney, to wrap himself in his warmth. 

Tyler pushed himself away from Sidney, swearing loudly as he lost his grip on his tea, the searing liquid spilling across his lap, and soaking into the fabric of his jeans. 

“Oh shit,” said Sidney, eyes going wide. 

“It’s fine, I’m fine, everything is fine,” Tyler, said voice giddy, high off of Sidney. He knocked the now empty cup to the floor. Now that he had a taste of Sidney he didn’t know how he had ever gone without. Sidney was a drug, and after just one hit Tyler was addicted. 

His jeans were wet, but Tyler didn’t care as he slid closer to Sidney, the elder meeting him half way. He connected their mouths eagerly, savoring the taste that was so purely Sidney. He felt like he was floating, it was too good to be true. There was no way this could be real, he had to be dreaming. 

“Tyler,” Said Sidney breaking their kiss as it grew more heated. Tyler flushed, realizing he had been all but grinding against Sidney’s leg, his hair mused and his lips red and swollen. 

“I want to do this right,” he said softly, “You deserve for us to do this right.” 

“Fuck,” said Tyler, he wanted to argue, but at the same time he knew that Sidney was right. There was so much miscommunication, and misunderstanding between them that if things were ever going to turn into the white picket fence fairytale that was currently playing through Tyler’s mind, they needed to talk about what all of this meant, and what they were going to do about it. 

“I hate it but you’re right,” said Tyler, annoyance coloring his words. But Sidney was smiling. 

“I can’t believe this,” Sidney said as much to himself as to Tyler, “I just, I never thought you’d feel the same way, I mean there were rumors about you and Benn but I didn’t want to assume.” He paused, “I thought you were going to hate me after I cornered you.” 

Tyler smiled. He was sitting rumpled on the edge the bed in a hotel room in Vancouver. He had spilt tea all over himself and Sidney Crosby had just told him, that he loved him. His smile grew, and he leaned over to peck Sidney quickly on the lips. 

“I could never hate you,” he whispered, “even when I wanted to.”


	18. Eighteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends! 
> 
> This chapter/fic is unbetaed, and I apologize for any and all mistakes. (Let me know if there are any huge ones!) I am aware of the many run on sentences, I got annoyed and decided to ignore them.
> 
> Sorry this is on the shorter side, the next chapter should be longer! 
> 
> I don't own any of these characters/people, nothing that happens in this is real, it’s all fake.
> 
> Let me know what you think! Comments make me the happiest human
> 
> Thank you! Enjoy! <3

Tyler couldn’t stop fidgeting. He knew he was being ridiculous, but he felt giddy, unable to stop shifting his weight from side to side in a mixture of nervousness and excitement. Sidney smiled at Tyler fondly, from across the table and Tyler flushed. At least they had agreed that they weren’t the type of people that were going to be sitting on the same side of the booth as their date. He wondered if this counted as their first date. He wondered if that’s what they were going to do now. It seemed like the next logical step following enthusiastic and dramatic confessions of love for one another in a less than platonic way, but Tyler didn’t want to assume. Assuming things had landed him in more messes than he cared to admit, and typically Tyler was shameless about such occurrences. 

It had taken them much longer than it should have to walk from their hotel to the little 24-hour diner that Sidney had looked up on his phone. Tyler had dragged him to nearly every ally way they passed, stealing kisses. Now that he had permission, he never wanted to stop kissing Sid. It had only been a few hours but he was addicted to his captain. Wrapped up in scarves and hats, hidden by nightfall and a light snowfall they were anonymous. Shyly, Tyler had grabbed Sidney’s hand when they first set out, entwining their fingers together. Tyler had never been sure about hand holding before, but there was something about Sidney that made him want to grab ahold and never let go. They couldn’t stay out too late, they needed to make curfew and they had to play a game the next day. But that made their stolen excursion all the more special. 

Sidney took a sip of his hot chocolate, and hooked his ankle around Tyler’s. It was a gentle reminder that this was real, they were here. The weight of his ankle against Tyler’s own grounding him in a way he hadn’t even realized he needed. His heart swelled with happiness. He was sitting in a diner at nearly ten o’clock at night with Sidney Crosby, his best friend who loved him in the same way Tyler loved him. The linoleum table was sticky and peeling and the red vinyl booths were cracked but Tyler knew he would always remember the rundown place with fondness, with happiness. If things headed in the direction they seemed to be going, it could be counted as the birthplace of what was hopefully a relationship. 

“Does this count as a date?” Tyler asked, the words slipping from his lips before his brain caught up to what he was saying. His flush deepened and he suddenly felt like a little kid. His sister would tell him that the fluttery feeling in his stomach was to tell him what he was feeling was something special and that it was real. She’d then smirk and tell Tyler not to blow it. 

“It does if you want it too,” said Sidney just as awkwardly as Tyler felt. He rubbed at the back of his neck. Tyler couldn’t see his eyes; they were shadowed by the black logo less baseball cap Sidney was oh so fond of. Tyler couldn’t see his eyes but knew that it was a necessity whenever they were in their Canadian motherland. 

“I don’t know if you could tell,” said Sidney teasingly, before growing serious “but I’m really new at, and bad at this whole dating thing.” He paused, “but that’s what I want, to date you, I mean, if that’s what you want.” Sidney was usually so confident in himself and his choices, it surprised Tyler to see him so unsure when it came to them. But he also knew that meant this was important to Sidney. 

Tyler smiled, “I would really like to date you too.” They sat for a moment just smiling stupidly at each other and Tyler couldn’t handle how much joy was currently vibrating through his veins. When they got back to the hotel he was going to have to go down to the gym and run for at least half an hour if there was any hope of him getting any sleep that night. Tyler was twenty five years old and Sidney was nearly thirty, but the pair of them were like a couple of teenagers, having uncomfortable conversations about where they stood, romantically, trying to figure out feelings for the first time. Tyler loved every second of it. 

“I’m really, really, happy that you want to date me,” Sidney said dumbly, a dopy smile marring his features. 

Tyler grinned, he opened is mouth to say something equality as sappy but was interrupted when their waitress returned, carrying two plates of apple pie with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. She sat them on the table with a smile and told them to enjoy before disappearing to the other side of the diner to deal with a group of rowdy teenagers who had some how already managed to get plastered. If they were currently causing a ruckus during Tyler’s first date with Sidney he would have been impressed by their dedication to the cause. 

“So,” said Tyler after scooping a piece of pie into his mouth, watching while trying to look like he wasn’t watching as Sidney did the same. He was surprised that Sidney was even breaking their diet plan but then again, he was realizing he should have known better. Sidney had a sweet tooth a mile wide. The easiest way to get on his good side, he later learned, was with chocolate and cheesecake. 

“I guess, we should, like talk logistics?” said Tyler slowly, and then wincing at how clinical the whole thing sounded. When he and Jamie realized they were dating the captain had taken Tyler out, and they had talked about their limits, their likes and their dislikes and what they were hoping to get out of the relationship. Tyler wasn’t sure if that was normal but Jamie was his most successful relationship, even in the way it ended, and Sidney had already admitted to having absolutely no idea what he was doing meaning it was up to Tyler to take charge and hope he didn’t accidently kill whatever they could have before it even started. His sisters said he came on too strong and scared people away sometimes. 

“Ah, yeah,” said Sidney, “I mean, I’ve only slept with a few guys but, I’m willing to try pretty much anything, and I like it both ways, so um, yeah.” He was bright red. Tyler started chocking on his pie. That was so not what he was expecting. 

Once he was able to breath somewhat normally again he blinked, then looked at Sidney his dark eyes blown wide. “I meant more like, are we telling people right away, is this exclusive, that kind of thing, but ah, sexual preferences are also good to know.” He said and Sidney swore, turning even redder. 

“Yeah, that makes a bit more sense in this context and setting,” he said ducking his head and rubbing at the back of his neck. Tyler shouldn’t have found the nervous tick so endearing but goddammit he did. 

“I mean, I’m happy to know you’ve thought about fucking me,” said Tyler, “Because ah, at some point, probably sooner rather than later, but not too soon because we’re doing this right, I’d ah, I’d really like that.” 

“Yeah?” asked Sidney looking up hopefully, and Tyler flushed and nodded. 

“Yeah.” 

“So, ah, back to what you actually meant,” said Sidney, his cheeks still red, he wasn’t meeting Tyler’s gaze anymore, focused on the peeling patterns on the table. God, thought Tyler, Sidney was adorable. It sent a thrill up his spine when he realized that was something he was allowed to think, it wasn’t something for him to be ashamed of and bury away. 

“I would really like to be exclusive, I mean I understand and can make it work if you don’t want to be, because I know I’m not going to be an easy person to be with, but I’m um prefer to have you all to myself, if that’s okay,” said Sidney, his voice rough like he was confessing a great secret and that it was hard for him to admit. 

Tyler blinked. “I only want you.” He said bluntly. “It’s been you and only you since I got to Pittsburgh, maybe even before that, and I just didn’t realize it yet.” 

Sidney looked up, his smile gone shy. “Good,” he said softly. “I only want you too.”


	19. Nineteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! 
> 
> This chapter/fic is unbetaed, and I apologize for any and all mistakes. (Let me know if there are any huge ones!) 
> 
> I am so sorry this has taken so long for me to post. I have absolutely no excuse, but hopefully I’ll be better at updating in the future.
> 
> I don't own any of these characters/people, nothing that happens in this is real, it’s all fake.
> 
> I hope you like this chapter! 
> 
> Thank you! Enjoy! <3

Tyler hummed softly and deepened the kiss, reaching up to lick eagerly into Sidney’s mouth. After a moment, Sidney pulled away lips red and kiss swollen. Tyler hummed again, realizing suddenly that he wasn’t dreaming, that Sidney had really just kissed him awake, straddling his hips.

“Good morning,” he said softly. Tyler smiled dopily. 

“Morning,” he said sleepily. He wasn’t fully awake yet, and wanted to know why Sidney had stopped kissing him. “What time is it?” He asked, his voice still rough with sleep. Sidney looked all bright eyed and bushy tailed- the bastard. 

“A little after ten,” Sidney answered and Tyler sat up quickly, knocking the top of his head against Sidney’s chin. 

“Fuck, ow, sorry, what the fuck?” Tyler asked, falling back to his pillow, still not able to form fully coherent thoughts. 

“What?” asked Sidney, his words slightly muffled from the way he was holding his jaw. Tyler rubbed at the spot on his head where they had collided. He hoped he hadn’t managed to give either of them a concussion. He didn’t know how he would explain that to Sully, especially since they were keeping their relationship to themselves for the time being. 

“We’re late for practice!” he exclaimed. He would have been out of bed already, but he was trapped beneath Sidney who still straddling his waist. Tyler couldn’t believe that he had slept through his alarm, or that Marshall and Cash hadn’t woken him up begging to go outside and then their breakfast. 

“It’s optional?” Sidney said, the words coming out as more of a question. 

Tyler blinked. “We’re missing an optional skate?” 

“Yes?” Sidney responded, once again with a question. Confusion colored his features in a way that Tyler found incredibly endearing now that he was no longer holding his jaw. Hopefully that meant that neither one of them were concussed.

“You’re missing an optional skate? You?” Tyler said trying to place emphasis on how unbelievable the whole thing was. Sidney never missed an optional skate, ever. Even if the coaching staff had hidden his skates so that he couldn’t actually practice, he was usually still there watching, taking notes and offering suggestions. He took his captaincy very seriously. Then again, this was Sidney so he’d probably be doing the same thing even if he weren’t a captain. Sidney just really loved hockey. 

“I wanted to spend the day with you,” Sidney said sheepishly, “and you were told to take the day off and they gave up on telling me the day off because I basically never do and it just snowed and looked really peaceful out, so I turned your alarm off and took the dogs out, and got them breakfast and I’m sorry if I was assuming too much or if I overstepped or-” Sidney rambled.

Tyler cut him off, lunged forward and crashed their mouths together in a kiss that was initially too much teeth. At least he hadn’t accidently almost knocked them out this time. After a moment Sidney pulled away and Tyler whined low in his throat. 

“Sid…” he whimpered, taking in the flushed rumpled appearance of his boyfriend. 

“Hush,” said Sidney, “I made you breakfast and if you keep distracting me it’s going to get cold.” 

At the mention of food Tyler perked up, pulled from his sleepy lush fueled fog. “You made me breakfast?” He asked softly. 

Sidney nodded looking sheepish. “Yeah, I thought it would be nice,” Sidney admitted shyly. He rolled off of Tyler to grab the plate he had left on the nightstand. He handed it to Tyler, who smiled upon seeing the omelet and hash browns, his two favorite breakfast foods. He reached over again and held out Tyler’s favorite Tom Brady GOAT coffee mug. Even if his exit from Boston had been less than graceful it was hard not to be a Patriots football fan, and he still had good friends within the other New England sports franchises. 

“Even though it pains me that you own this,” Sidney muttered. Even though Sidney didn’t like football, mainly because it wasn’t hockey, he was loyal to Pittsburgh and was a Steelers fan. 

Tyler’s heart swelled when he realized the amount of effort that Sidney had gone to for him. He had let him sleep in, had taken the dogs out and had missed an optional skate to make him breakfast and spend the day with him. 

“Thanks babe,” said Tyler leaning over to press a kiss to the corner of Sidney’s mouth before digging into his breakfast. “So,” said Tyler, swallowing his bite of omelet, “what were you thinking since we have all day to ourselves.” 

“Not sure,” said Sidney, “I thought we could just hang out, maybe take the boys for a walk? Watch a movie or something?” 

“That sounds great,” said Tyler, smiling. He loved the way that Sidney had essentially adopted his dog children as his own even after only a few weeks of dating. Suddenly he had an idea. Tyler looked up shyly through his lashes. “And, maybe, if you want, there’s a pond a few streets over off that park I take the boys to, if you want, maybe, we could play shinny?” 

Sidney’s eyes lit up. “Yes,” he said enthusiastically. 

Tyler grinned and swallowed back a laugh. Of course Sidney’s overtly eager reaction was in response to hockey. 

“When was the last time you have even gotten to play outside?” Sidney questioned, “being in Dallas?” 

Tyler bit his lip, realizing suddenly that Sidney had a point. “Ah, I think when I was in Boston?” he said slowly, “but that feels like that would have been too long ago? But I also don’t know when or where else I would have sense then.” He admitted. 

Sidney’s expression grew grave. “As soon as you finish that get dressed, we need to go play.” 

 

Even in jeans and a sweatshirt Sidney managed to look graceful on the ice as he took a few lazy laps around the ponds. He was smiling to himself, enjoying the cold air on his face and the sparkling snow on the ground. Surrounded by winter and ice was where he belonged. Tyler finished tying his skates and stepped onto the ice. Watching Sidney and the pure joy he oozed as he was confronted with the snowy wonderland had initially distracted him. 

Tyler had been incredibly pleased when he found the pond down an overgrown trail off of the park he took Marshall and Cash to. He could tell it had once been a popular recreation destination but as times changed it has become lost in the shuffle. Cash had been off leash frolicking in the snow when he saw some kind of unidentified woodland creature. He had taken off down the trail with Tyler and Marshall on his heels, Tyler calling for him to stop. He had lost the animal he was after, but when he stopped he had been a few feet from the edge of the frozen pond. 

It had taken a few moments for Tyler to realize what he was looking at but when he had, a grin had broken across his face. He didn’t even have the heart to be angry at Cash for running off; he was too excited about the pond. After investigation it was clear that it was frozen solid, and that it was on city land. 

Tyler smiled as Sidney came to a hard stop in front of him, spraying him a wave of snow. Tyler rolled his eyes, and brushed the snow off of his own jeans. 

“Rude,” Tyler said sticking his tongue out. 

“Aren’t we going to play?” Sidney asked eagerly and Tyler laughed. 

“Yeah Sid, we’re going to play,” Tyler said, picking up his hockey stick from where it was laying on the edge of the pond. He pulled on his stare gloves and tossed one of the pucks that he had stuck in the kangaroo pocket of his hoodie to the ice. 

They had to shovel the surface when they had gotten to the pond, and it was rough and uneven in the way that a natural surface was. But Tyler loved it, and he could tell from the way Sidney’s face was lit up like a child’s that he felt the same way. He passed the puck to Sidney who took off with it to the far side of the rink. 

It struck Tyler suddenly just how fucking happy he was. After spending so much time trapped in uncertainty and insecurity it was incredibly that he had built such a home in Pittsburgh in such a short amount of time. He was reminded of his childhood in Ontario, playing building forts in the snow and playing shinny with his sisters. He loved that he was getting the chance to create new memories in the same thread of thought with Sidney. 

He knew that they had only been together for a few weeks, that their relationship was still new. His sisters would tell him he they were still in the honeymoon period and that he fell too fast. But Tyler knew deep down that what they had, what they were starting was something special. 

They were on the ice for hours, even though it felt like only minutes as they raced back and forth, battling on another for the puck. Though it often times devolved into them making out like teenagers on the ice, the puck forgotten until one of them nearly lost their footing stepping on it. 

When Tyler had started shivering, still not completely accustomed to the cold, Sidney had called it a day, and shuffled Tyler back to his SUV. He blasted the heat, and made the short drive back to Tyler’s house. 

“I still don’t know why you wouldn’t let me drive,” Tyler muttered, even though it had been an argument that they had been having since they had initially fallen into friendship. 

Tyler couldn’t tell because Sidney hadn’t taken his gaze off of the road, but Tyler as pretty sure he was rolling his eyes. 

“Because you’re car is a death trap in this weather,” Sidney argued. “I know it’s an SUV but, it has some of the lowest winter safety ratings, and your tires aren’t meant for ice and snow, I’ve literally seen you fishtail pulling into the parking lot at the rink.” 

Tyler signed. “I know, I know, you don’t like the Benz,” 

“It’s not that I don’t like it,” Sidney reasoned, “it just scares me in this weather.” 

Sidney pulled to a stop at a red light and Tyler reached across the center console to press a quick kiss to his cheek. 

“It’s cute that you care so much,” Tyler said, “you little worry wart, but, I promise I’m fine, looking for something new is on my to do list it’s just not a priority right now.” 

“I know this is all still new, but I don’t know what I would do if I lost you,” Sidney admitted and Tyler swallowed hard. This conversation was getting deep fast and he wasn’t sure he liked it. 

“Chill Sid, I’m fine, everything is fine, I’m not going anywhere,” Tyler reassured. 

“I know, I’m sorry,” Sidney said, he pulled into Tyler’s driveway. They could hear the dogs barking in the house, excited that they saw Sidney’s car from the window. 

“Let’s shower and then you can make me hot chocolate,” Tyler said, eager to change the topic. 

“Sounds good,” said Sidney, trailing behind Tyler who opened the garage door through the keypad on the wall. They toed off their wet boots and left them by the door. Tyler started stripping where they stood; tossing his wet jeans, sweat shirt and tee shirt into the laundry room as he walked past. 

Sidney swallowed hard taking in Tyler’s lean form in his clinging black boxer briefs. 

“We should probably shower together,” said Tyler looking over his shoulder, his phone clutched in one hand. “Save water and all that.” 

“I think that can be arranged,” said Sidney, though he wasn’t going to get naked in Tyler’s kitchen. Tyler may have no issue parading in front of Marshall and Cash but Sidney still felt weird being watched by the dogs. 

“Good,” Tyler said. They made their way upstairs, Tyler’s phone vibrating from where he had left it on the bathroom vanity while they waited for the water to heat up. Tyler picked it up, reading a text. He snorted before looking up at Sidney who was still standing in his damp clothing. 

“Muzz wants to know if I’ve heard from you,” he said. “He said that you weren’t at optional skate so he’s convinced something awful has happened.” 

Sidney cracked a smile. “Well, unless you’re something awful, nothing awful has happened.” 

“Well, yeah,” said Tyler, “But I can’t tell him that.” 

Sidney’s smile faltered slightly. He wondered if he was being unfair asking Tyler to keep their relationship to themselves for the time being. Tyler was an open person, always sharing tidbits of his life with those around him.

He knew that it had to be taking its toll on him not to share in his joy with those had become his friends, constantly fielding excuses as to why he couldn’t do something with the boys if he was with Sidney. 

But Tyler insisted that it was fine whenever Sidney brought it up. Assured him that as long as they were together, it would be okay. Sidney felt guilty but the idea of sharing this private thing with anyone made him sick. He was pretty sure Mario suspected, having known for how long Sidney had been pinning after Tyler, but he had yet to say anything, which Sidney appreciated. 

Being in the public eye Sidney felt like there were so few things that were just his. Plus he wasn’t sure he could handle the cruel way in which he assumed people would react if they were to know. Tyler was comfortable in himself, publically shameless and fearless. Speculations about his sexual fluidity had flown since his time in Boston and he took it all in stride. 

Sidney felt as if he would never be able to be that brave. Critics hated Tyler because they thought he was too relaxed, too much of a party boy. Critics hated Sidney because he was Sidney Crosby and he didn’t know if he would ever be in a place where he could handle giving them more ammunition. He wanted Tyler to be able to share their relationship with the people he cared about but he also knew that when one person knew something, it wasn’t long before everyone did, regardless of how much you trusted whomever you shared your secret with. 

“You going to join me?” Tyler asked, from his position half in and half out of the shower. He startled Sidney who looked up sharply. “You look like you’re thinking too hard.” 

“Thinking about you,” lied Sidney, keeping his tone light and flirty. Tyler grinned looking at him through his lashes. 

“Why don’t you show me what you were thinking about?” Tyler asked. Sidney shed his jeans and tee shirt, and stepped into the spray.


	20. Twenty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings! 
> 
> I am back! Hopefully! I started a new job and it took over my life BUT things have hopefully mellowed out now. I apologize immensely for the months it has taken me to post a new chapter and hope I can be forgiven. 
> 
> I’m also not completely happy with how this chapter turned out, but it will get better later on I promise! 
> 
> This chapter/fic is unbetaed, and I apologize for any and all mistakes. (Let me know if there are any huge ones!) 
> 
> Once again I am so, so, sorry it has taken me so long to post. I’ll try and be better about it moving forward but I also don’t want to make any promises.
> 
> I don't own any of these characters/people, nothing that happens in this is real, it’s all fake.
> 
> I hope you like this chapter! Once again, so sorry. 
> 
> Thank you! Enjoy! <3

Sweat stung as it dripped into Tyler’s eyes, he wiped it away quickly with the back of a damp hand. His footsteps pounding heavily against the belt of the treadmill as he ran. He had his headphones in, a random work out playlist he had found on Spotify pulsing in his ears. He felt so out of the loop, he didn’t know a single song on it. His lungs burned but he kept going. Running was a chance for him to get out of his own head, something that he needed desperately. Gone was his illicit crush on Sidney and the obsession that came with it. In its place was a web of lies and their hidden relationship. Guilt stirred in his chest, he knew why they were keeping it a secret but at the same time it did nothing to quell the heavy feeling of wrong. No matter how quickly he ran, he knew he would never be able to outrun the guilt. It didn’t stop him from trying. 

He turned up the speed on the treadmill. Unlike Sidney, Tyler enjoyed running. He preferred to run outside but he knew Sully would kill him if he broke and ankle slipping on the ice. It reminded him of playing lacrosse in middle school and high school before being drafted into juniors. He was one of the few thirteen year olds that actually enjoyed the warm up run before practice and the cool down run after. 

Something moved in his peripheral vision and Tyler looked up. He flinched and almost fell off the treadmill in surprise. He hadn’t expected to see Sidney standing so close in front of him. His nose crinkled in mild announce, as if he had been trying to get Tyler’s attention for what he deemed far too long. 

Tyler slowed down to a fast jog, tugging his headphones out and letting them dangle from where they hung around his neck. 

“Can I help you?” he asked, Tyler was aiming for cheeky but ended up just sounding out of breath. 

“Yeah, you almost done?” Sidney asked, he winced and then smiled softly in apology realizing his words had come out harsher than he intended them to be. Tyler was breathing too heavily to smile back and let him know it was fine. He looked around realized they were the only ones left in the gym, the rest of their teammates having filtered out. Tyler would have flushed if his face wasn’t already red. He hadn’t realized he had been running for that long. He must have been lost in his own head longer than he realized. Sidney bit his lip. Tyler wondering if they were really alone and if he would be able to convince Sidney that locker room shower sex needed to happen. 

“Yeah, sorry,” Tyler said, slowing down to a fast walk. “I just have to cool down and shower, did you still want to get dinner?” He smirked, trying to imply that he wanted Sidney to join him in the shower but either the elder man was oblivious or pointedly ignoring the implication. 

“Of course, and it’s no problem, don’t want you to hurt yourself,” Sidney said. He ran his fingers through his hair, and bit his lip again. He looked like there was something else he wanted to say but something was stopping him. Tyler stopped the treadmill and stepped off the belt. He was surprised to find that his legs felt a little shaky, and that he was unsteady on his feet. 

Clearly Sidney wasn’t going to join him because he didn’t follow as Tyler made his way into the locker room to shower. He stripped down to his boxer briefs and slipped on a pair of slides. He grabbed his towel and toiletry bag and made his way to the showers. He couldn’t shake the feeling that Sidney was annoyed with him and that some kind of tension was brewing between them. He swallowed hard and rinsed the shampoo out of his hair. He didn’t want to fight with Sidney, which meant he needed to hurry as not to annoy him further. 

Sidney wasn’t in the locker room when Tyler returned. He dried off quickly and pulled on a pair of dark wash jeans, his standard issue Adidas sneakers and a dark golden colored sweater. He stepped into the hallway just in time to collide with Sidney who was turning to reenter the locker room.

“Shit, sorry,” Tyler said, rubbing his nose from where it had collided with Sidney’s forehead. 

“It’s fine, you ready?” Sidney asked. He raised an eyebrow at Tyler. “No hat? You’re going to get a cold with the wet hair.”

Tyler rolled his eyes. “Yes, mother,” he said, wincing when the words came out snarkier than intended. 

Sidney pursed his lips but said nothing, turning away so that Tyler could follow him out of the practice facility and to the parking garage. He climbed into the passenger seat of Sidney’s SUV. The captain was still convinced Tyler’s Mercedes was a winter death trap. Tyler wanted to argue, like he usually did that German engineering was probably designed to withstand the snow, but he didn’t want to push his luck, sometimes, most of the time, it was just easier to let Sidney drive. 

Tyler turned up the heat on his side of the vehicle and turned the seat warmer up to high. He would never admit it, but he was kind of chilled. Sidney had been right about the hat. 

“Where are you thinking for dinner?” Tyler asked, realizing suddenly that he had absolutely no idea where Sidney was taking him. 

Sidney smiled, “burgers?” He asked, almost hesitantly. 

Tyler smiled back. That was always his pick for dinner, while Sidney always tried to steer them into a more nutritionist approved direction. 

“Sure, but I’m not sharing my fries.” Tyler chirped. Maybe things are okay, and he’s just reading too much into things. Or, maybe Sidney felt bad about how he had snapped at Tyler earlier. 

 

The restaurant was a hole in the wall, one of Tyler’s favorite discoveries since the trade. He and Sidney took a cozy booth in the back where they were out of sight of the other customers and knew they would be less likely to get bothered. Tyler was scanning the menu, taking in all of this week’s specials as he chewed his lip in anticipation. 

“Do you want to go to Florida for the next week with me?” Sidney blurted suddenly pulling Tyler from his thoughts. He blinked. 

“What?” He asked, not sure he had heard Sidney right. 

Sidney flushed, “I was going to go to Florida for the next week, and um, I was wondering if you wanted to go with me?” He asked uncertainly. 

“Huh?” Tyler asked, he was so confused. “Are we playing in Florida? Wouldn’t I be going anyway?” He paused, “wait is this you asking if I want to room together? Because I would be so down but I feel like it wouldn’t be very discrete.” 

“We don’t have a game,” Sidney said slowly, as if he was talking to a child. Tyler wanted to snap back not to use that tone with him but he was already confused and wanted to see where Sidney was going with this whole thing. Snarling at him wouldn’t solve the problem. Plus, Sidney was making an effort, they were at a burger place for dinner. Clearly this was something that had been weighing on him. 

“The bye week is next week, and I was wondering if you wanted to go to Florida with me, if you don’t already have plans that is” Sidney added hastily at the end. 

“Oh, wait, shit really?” Tyler asked, the bye week had snuck up on him. He still had the dates for Dallas’s stuck in his head even though he had been in Pittsburgh for months at this point. 

“Yeah,” Sidney said, “I would love if you came to Florida with me, but you don’t have to if you don’t want to.” 

“No yeah, I mean, I didn’t even realize it was next week, I don’t have plans, that would be nice.” Tyler said quickly, not wanted Sidney to think that he wasn’t interested in the proposition. 

“Good,” said Sidney happily, “it will be nice, I rented a house on the water in the keys, we won’t have to hide.” 

“That will be nice, not having for once,” Tyler said, his words coming out more bitter than he intended or even realized they would. Sidney flinched as if he had been slapped, his gaze hardened as if he was gearing up for a fight.

Tyler’s phone vibrated from where he had set it on the table. He picked it up without speaking, thankful for the distraction, the possible delay in an oncoming spat. 

It was a text from Muzz asking him to come over and play video games since Chris was studying and ignoring him. A second text came in a second after telling him to bring Marshall and Cash to play with Beckham, and a third telling him not to make excuses because he had been avoiding them all lately. Tyler didn’t respond. He just locked his phone and set it back down on the table. Guilt and frustration growing heavy in his chest. 

“I know why you want to hide, I understand it, but it’s also really fucking hard for me.” Tyler said softly. 

“It’s hard for me too!” Sidney said, trying to keep his voice low and steady. “That’s why I asked you to come to Flordia with me, so that we wouldn’t have to hide for a little while.”

Tyler wanted to scream. “Not hiding for a week isn’t going to make it any easier when we get back to Pittsburgh. Plus, it’s not just the hiding, it’s not telling anyone, I haven’t even told my mom and I tell her everything! And Muzz is pissed at me because I’m always making excuses for why I can’t do things because I’m always with you but I can’t exactly tell him that!” 

“I told you why we couldn’t tell anyone! I can’t risk anyone finding out.” Sidney said his voice low and dangerous. 

Tyler took a deep breath. He didn’t want to fight. “I know,” he said, “and I understand that, I’m not saying we have to tell everyone, I’m just saying that it’s really hard for me right now.” He explained trying to be rational. 

Sidney opened his mouth to speak but Tyler cut him off. “I’m not mad at you and I don’t want to fight, and I do want to go to Florida with you, but I think I need some space right now before we both say something we regret.” 

Sidney shut his mouth and nodded. He sat down the menu he had been holding the duration of the spat. Luckily their server had not yet been by to take their drink order. 

“I’m sorry,” he said softly, “I know it’s hard and I’m only making it harder.” 

Tyler ran his fingers through his hair. “I know,” he said, “and it’s fine, it’ll work out.” 

He unlocked is phone. “I’m just going to get an Uber home and I’ll see to you tomorrow okay? Send me the information about Florida so I can book my plane ticket.” 

 

Tyler let the dogs into the backyard when he got home and changed into the softest pair of sweat pants he owned and an old faded long sleeve tee shirt with the logo of some local Boston high school across the front. He still wasn’t sure where the shirt came from but he wasn’t going to question it. 

It was too early to go to bed, but luckily not too late to call his mom. He sent a silent “thank you” that they were once again in the same time zone. She answered on the second ring. 

“Hey Ty,” she said cheerfully, “for what do I owe the pleasure?” she asked. 

Tyler swallowed hard around the lump in his throat. “Nothing really, I just miss you.” He said softly, realizing with a start that his eyes were filling with tears at the sound of his mother’s voice. He squeezed them shut. He ached to tell her about his fight with Sidney, how he loved the older man so much it scared him, but also how the guilt of keeping their relationship a secret was starting to weigh on him, and make him feel dirty. He wanted to tell her about going to Florida, to analyze the invitation. 

“Awe, honey I miss you too, I always do, you know that,” she said warmly. Tyler didn’t say any of the things he wanted. A tear rolled down his cheek and his mother launched into a story about her high school hockey teams most recent shenanigans.


	21. Twenty One.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, Hi. So this whole thing is months late, and probably not even a little bit worth the wait. I have absolutely no excuse, but I’m sorry I promise, and I’m going to try to be better about writing things! (I actually have a lot written, turns out its the posting it part I’m super bad at these days) 
> 
> Anyway, if you’re still following this fic thank you for waiting on me, sorry this update is probably disappointing and short especially after so many months of nothing. If you’re new to this fic hi happy to have you sorry I suck.
> 
> Anyway, I don’t own any of these people, it’s all fake, I made it up, please don’t be offended by it. 
> 
> This is also unbetaed and pretty much unedited so I'm sure there are a billion runons, typos and misuse of commas that I probably should have fixed in the four months between November and now. Sorry >.<
> 
> Hope all is well and you have a great day! Thanks for clicking on this link and reading this :)

Tyler woke up with an imprint of his phone on his cheek and Cash hovering over him, panting in his face. He groaned and sat up, dislodging the dog who was honestly a little too big to be standing on his chest the way he had just been. He rubbed at his collarbone and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Cash jumped off the bed as well, taking off towards the downstairs with Marshall on his heels. Tyler sighed and headed into the bathroom to piss before letting the boys out into the backyard. He made a mental note to talk to the new vet about Cash's diet when they had their checkup after the bye week. Though it pained him to admit it even to himself, and no one else was ever going to hear a word of it, Cash was getting fat. 

He followed the dogs downstairs, wincing when his bare feet came in contact with the hard wood floor. He hadn't realized he had taken his socks off in his sleep again. It was something his partners always complained about. The bottom of the bed under the blankets was always a grave yard of socks he discarded in the middle of the night. Only for the socks to be rediscovered whenever the sheets were changed. It used to drive Jamie crazy, and Ashley crazy before him. Tyler smiled to himself as he opened the back door for the boys, wincing again when the cold air nipped at his toes. He was lucky, for some reason Sidney found the sock thing endearing. Probably because he had so many of his own hang ups, he was happy to find something odd about someone else, the bitter part of Tyler's mind supplied before he pushed that part away. Everyone had quirks, Sidney's just meant they had to keep their relationship to themselves. 

He poured himself a cup of coffee, impressed with himself that he had not only remembered, but had been successful in setting the timer for the coffee maker before practice yesterday. Heaven knows it was a miracle for setting it up last night when he got back didn't even cross any part of his mind. But turns out, past Tyler didn't suck as much as present Tyler always worried he did. 

He leaned against the kitchen counter and smiled, watching the boys run around in the snow for a bit. They would tire out eventually, get cold and decide they wanted to come inside and that they wanted their breakfast, but for now he would watch them wrestle and jump through the snow in pure joy. Tyler swallowed back a laugh, realizing he might have jinxed the entire thing because not a minute later, Marshall came trotting over to the door and scratching at it, asking to come inside, Cash trying to shove his brother out of the way so he could do the same smiling, Tyler opened the door and the boys shoved into each other's space to get inside. Cash, as expected, then ran straight for his food dish and sat down in front of it, staring up at Tyler as if to remind him that it was breakfast time. Tyler smiled as he went to the pantry and got out the dog food, as if he could forget to feed the boys. 

He dumped a cup of dog food in each of their bowls, and sat down at the kitchen counter to drink his coffee. He opened up his laptop, that had been left in the kitchen, taking the time to catch up on his email. He opened the first one without looking at the sender, and smiled when he realized it was Sidney's flight information, and the confirmation to the beach house that he had rented. Before he could over think it, anymore than he already had, Tyler pulled up the Delta website and booked himself on to the same flight as Sidney. 

He forwarded the other man his ticket confirmation. That was it, they were really doing this, they were going on what Tyler had decided was going to be a romantic week get away. The only thing that would have made the whole trip better is if Tyler would be able to tell people that it was a romantic week trip with his boyfriend, rather than that he was going to Florida with his captain and friend who felt bad that he got traded and didn't have any plans for the bye week because he hadn't thought ahead to the fact that it wasn't going to be the same as Dallas's. 

Tyler wrinkled his nose and hope that they wouldn't have to do much fishing. He knew it was something that Sidney enjoyed, but despite Jamie's efforts since Tyler was Canadian, he still really hated fishing. He didn't have the attention span for it, and he also didn't really like touching the fish after they ended up on the line. He wouldn't admit it to anyone, because he knew he would get mocked to hell and back, but touching the fish, in his opinion was all in all pretty gross. 

Before he could over think it, he texted his mom to tell her he was going to Florida for the week with Sidney. She sent back a smiley face followed by a message saying that she was happy they had become such good friends. He swallowed hard, guilt settling once again in his chest. He wished he could tell her how good of friends they had become, specifically in the biblical sense. Not knowing what to say, he decided not to say anything, and set his phone on the counter, and his empty coffee mug in the sink to deal with later. Silently, he vowed that he would try to talk to Sidney again at least about letting their family in on their relationship. He was tired of being someone's dirty little secret. 

He changed into a Penguin's tee shirt and a hoodie before practice, he didn't bother to shave or do anything with his hair. He knew he didn't look all that great but he didn't care. He was going to work out and it was a closed practice this morning. He was surprised to find that a bitter part of him wanted Sidney to see that he was reeling from their fight. He wondered if that made him immature. Tyler was surprised by the anger he was holding inside, he knew keeping their relationship a secret was bothering him, just like he knew why they were. It just seemed that everything he did reminded him of the secret and built up inside until it had reached a boiling point he couldn't ignore. 

Tyler took a deep breath and grabbed his phone off the counter and his car keys off the hook. He needed to calm down, he wasn't sure why he was getting so riled up about this again. 

He put his car in reverse, but then pressed on the break while still in the drive way, when he got a text from Muzz, asking if he wanted to get lunch after practice. 

He quickly texted back the affirmative, not caring that Sidney would probably want to do something. Space would be good, he thought almost cheerfully as he pulled out of his driveway and drove to the practice rink. Maybe his issue was that he felt lonely and isolated. Getting lunch with Muzz would be good for him. 

***

"Wanna get lunch?" Sidney asked, his tone casual, but Tyler could hear the eagerness hidden in his words. Tyler finished tying his Vans and sat up, looking at Sidney thoughtfully, careful to keep his tone level. 

"Sorry man, I have plans with Muzz," he said, keeping his tone just as casual. Sidney's eyes dimmed but he quickly hid it, forcing a smile. 

"No worries," he said, though his tone had taken on a pitch that Tyler didn't recognize. 

"Cool, I'll see you later then," said Tyler awkwardly, heading out to his SUV. He was meeting Muzz at the burger place he had tried to eat at the night before. He hadn't even made it to the Mercedes yet when he received an incoming text from Sidney. 

Are you still mad at me?

Tyler side and started to run his fingers through his hair before realizing he was wearing one of those ridiculous knit pom-pom hats, that was warmer than he would ever admit. 

No, I just haven't seen Matt in a while 

Tyler responded, hoping that that would be the end of it. He unlocked the car and climbed in, turning the engine on to warm up for a few minutes before pulling out of the parking lot. He couldn't wait to go to Florida, he was getting surprisingly sick of the damn cold. His phone chimed with another incoming text. 

I'm sorry 

"Dammit," Tyler shouted, verbalizing his frustrations even though he was alone. 

Rather than hashing this out via text he clicked on Sidney's contact information and called him even though chances were he was still in the building Tyler had just left. Sidney answered on the first ring. 

"Sid, I told you I'm not mad at you I just need some space right now," Tyler said. He could picture the way that Sidney was scrunching up his nose as they spoke. 

"I know, I'm sorry, I guess, I'm just over thinking things again," Sidney admitted. Tyler swallowed a laugh, he knew it would come out cruel and unappreciated. He was pretty sure overthinking things was his job. 

"It's fine, Sid, I love you, you know that, we had a fight, it's fine, we're moving past it, I just need a little space and to hang out with some of my other friends who think I hate them all of a sudden because I'm always with you and I can't tell them why, we'll go to Florida and have a ton of sex and hold hands on the beach and stuff and it will be great. We'll go to one of those tiki bars on the beach and I'll probably drink too much and you'll have to drag my ass home but it will be nice, because we'll be together and I love you." Tyler said in a rush. When Sidney didn't respond Tyler worried that he had said too much. 

"That sounds really nice," Sidney said at last and Tyler exhaled slowly. "And I'm sorry again, I know all of this is my fault." 

"I told you it's fine," Tyler said, suddenly wondering if he was trying to convince Sidney or himself that it was. He vaguely remembered his sisters once saying that when someone said something was fine it was usually anything but. 

"I love you," Sidney said softly and Tyler smiled. He was overthinking all of this, everything really was fine. Better than fine, things were great, and even if they weren't right now they would get there. Every couple had ups and downs. "Have fun, I'll talk to you later." 

"Sounds good," Said Tyler, he wondered if he should ask Sidney to come over to watch the Devils vs. Oilers game that night but was met with the dial tone before he could get the words out. It was probably for the best.


	22. Twenty Two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings. Those nice things all you people comment on the last chapter literally made me cry. Thank you so so much for saying nice things about my writing and not being angry it took me months to post again. Here is another chapter! Again, it’s short but it’s here so hopefully that counts for something. 
> 
> I don’t own any of these people, it’s all fake, I made it up, please don’t be offended by it.  
> This is unbetaed and probably a typo-filled grammatical train wreck for which I apologize. If you see any huge ones that are going to bother you please let me know so I can fix it! 
> 
> Thank you all for reading and I hope all is well and that you’re having an nice weekend! 
> 
> Once again thank you for saying nice things. I have a tumblr that I usually don’t use, but I want to try and use it more? Anyway, I’m on there as allylikethecat if you wanna say hi and chat and such. 
> 
> Thanks for reading / commenting!

When Tyler sat down across from Muzz, the goalie looked up from his phone and smiled in a such a way that made it clear to the trained eye that he didn't think Tyler was actually going to show. Shame burned in Tyler's stomach, Muzz had been nothing but good to him since he arrived in Pittsburgh, and he was being a horrible friend in return. 

"'Sup man," said Matt grinning, "Long time no see." 

"I literally saw you twenty minutes ago," Tyler chirped. 

"You know what I mean," Muzz said smiling and Tyler swallowed hard. His tone was playful, but Tyler knew what he meant.  
"Yeah, yeah, I do," said Tyler, taking a paper napkin and started tearing it into little strips in his lap. The words were tumbling from his lips because he could think better of it. "I started seeing someone," he admitted. 

Muzz's eyes widened slightly and he smiled. "That's awesome," he said. "I can't wait to meet her." 

Tyler flushed and looked down, "see that's the whole thing, and why I haven't been around much." Tyler took a deep breath, it was now or never. "I'm seeing a him," he said softly, keeping his voice low so that those around them wouldn't here. Muzz faltered a second but then his smile grew. If Tyler couldn't tell anyone who he was seeing, he could at least tell people that he was seeing someone right? 

"That's awesome man, I can't wait to meet him then." Muzz said and Tyler's heart swelled. There was never a doubt in his mind that Muzz would care he was in a relationship with another man, but having that confirmation spelled out so clearly helped his confidence. 

"Again, part of the issue," said Tyler, pausing briefly when the server came and sat a glass of water in front of each of them and cocked her hip to the side as she took their order. Tyler was lucky he frequented the place and was able to order on autopilot. Also that he had already seen all the specials when he was avoiding Sidney's eyes last night. He hadn't even thought to look at the menu when he sat down. 

Once the serve was gone Muzz raised an eye brow and Tyler continued. 

"He's not out, like I'm not out, out, I guess, I mean I'm bisexual and playing in the National Hockey League? It's more of an open secret, but this guy is so far in the closet it makes me look like I'm shouting it from the roof tops, so we've been keeping it on the down low, plus I'm not like Connor McDavid or Sidney Crosby" Tyler winced "but like I am kind of recognizable and he's not ready for all of that I guess." Tyler mumbled, once again by the bitterness seeping into his own words. "I think part of it though is that the first thing that pops up when you google me is that I'm an immature hot mess." Tyler was suddenly hit with a wave of insecurity and sadness, an almost panic squeezing his lungs. Was Sidney embarrassed by him? 

Muzz nodded along, his eyes slightly wider in surprise. He opened his mouth to speak but Tyler cut him off with an almost manic giggle. "Shit, I just realized you were the first person I told I've been even seeing someone, I haven't even told my mom." 

"Wait, you haven't even told your mom?" Muzz asked, the surprise of that statement overriding any other concerns that he had previously had. Tyler's self-worth was something they could talk about another time, when he wasn't dropping a secret relationship bomb Muzz reasoned. 

Tyler nodded, "Yeah, we, he, I don't know we've been keeping it to ourselves, he wants me to keep it to myself." He looked down and realized his napkin shreds had migrated from his lap to the table. 

"As long as you're okay with that," said Muzz, trying to be helpful and encouraging. Tyler looked like he was tumbling through a sea of different emotions before his eyes. 

"I mean, I'm not? But I love him so I don't really have a choice." Tyler said sadly, keeping his gaze away from Muzz's face. He wasn't sure if he could handle seeing judgement in his friend's eyes, or worse, pity.

"Damn, that's heavy," said Muzz, ever so poetic. 

Tyler snorted, "sorry for getting feelings all over lunch."

Muzz rolled his eyes, "we're friends, friends talk about this shit," he explained. "And now that I know it's happening you're not allowed to just disappear again, gotta make time for your boys even though you've got yourself a boy you know?" 

"Yeah," Tyler said, it felt so good to tell someone, even if he hadn't told Muzz the whole story. It felt like a weight had been lifted from his chest and he was suddenly breathing easier, even through the panic. It was like he just wanted to curl up and cry rather than feeling like that was his only choice moving forward. Baby steps. 

"Thanks for understanding, and like being here and shit," said Tyler awkwardly, desperately trying to convey how much Muzz's support meant to him. 

The goalie smiled, seeming to understand what Tyler was saying, something for which he was incredibly grateful. He wasn't exactly sure how to put it into words. 

"Anyway, that was too many feelings for me in one sitting, I'm going to get a beer," Tyler decided, it was lunch time, and they didn't have a game until tomorrow night. A lunch time beer was acceptable right? He had been making an effort not to drink as much, especially since the incident with Sidney, but a beer or two with Muzz wasn't going to ruin whatever he had built up in his head. 

"I'll second that," Said Muzz, "though not because of the feelings, feelings are great, but Chris is on this new anti-gluten trend? Which means our place is currently full of wine," Muzz looked down, "I'm an awful excuse for an adult, I don't like wine." 

Tyler snorted. "Bro you're what twenty-two?" Muzz nodded in the affirmative, "I feel like no one really likes wine when they're twenty-two." 

"Because you're so old and wise thanks to those extra three years," Muzz chirped and Tyler shrugged. 

"I'm so adult, the most adult," Tyler said, "I am on the second house that I've bought straight up with my own money thank you very much." 

"Oh yes, because buying a house makes you so adult." 

"I also have two kids," Tyler added, referring to his dogs. 

"And I have one your point?" 

Tyler thought about muttering something about how Marshall and Cash were better behaved than Beckham but that would have been a complete lie. Beckham was still a puppy, but he was one of the best-behaved dogs Tyler had ever met, even as he managed to get black fur and drool on every surface he came in contact with. Tyler let his boys get away with way too much, but he was the only one who could say that, anyone else would be shamed for expressing such slander (even if it was true). 

Their server came back with their food and Tyler's eyes widened in an excited Pavlovian response to the plate that was sat in front of him. Motherfucking French fries. He fucking loved French fries. He was so ready to eat them without judgement. His burger had lettuce on it, and a slice of tomato. Those were his veggies for the meal. 

He ordered a Blue Moon before she left, and Muzz did the same. Tyler dipped a French fry in ketchup and popped it in his mouth, there goes another vegetable. He had been so looking forward to this last night and was just now realizing he hadn't even eaten anything when he got home. He had been too upset. 

"So," said Tyler, taking a swallow of his newly brought beer, "what are you and Chris doing for the bye week?" He asked, realizing that he had been so caught up in himself that he didn't know what his friends were doing. But then again, he hadn't realized that the bye week was coming up until last night. 

"Just going back up to Thunder Bay to see the family," said Muzz making a face. "It's going to be cold as fuck, but by some miracle Chris has the same week off for spring break, so home it is," said Muzz, "This semester has been kicking Chris's ass, so I think just like being with our parents again will be good for her." 

"That sucks," said Tyler, "Isn't the first year supposed to be the hardest though?" 

"Man, I have no clue, I didn't even go to college and she's in law school now," Muzz said, "all her friends seem so fancy and put together, and I get hit with pieces of rubber for a living."

"Dude-" Tyler started before Muzz cut him off again. 

"I know, I know, I just wish I could help her more you know? Like proof read her papers or something but they're so above my comprehension level I'm useless. But anyway, what are you doing for the bye week?"

"Somehow got roped into going to Florida with Sidney," said Tyler, trying to downplay the trip. "He found out that I didn't know when the bye week was and decided as captain it was his duty to drag me somewhere warm." 

"Sounds like Sid," said Muzz taking a sip of his beer, "I'm surprised you're not going somewhere with your mystery man." 

"He has to work," said Tyler, the lie rolling off his tongue. "He doesn't have next week off, and I didn't know what week it was since I got traded, he couldn't get the time off on such short notice." Tyler rambled. He took a large gulp of his beer, surprising himself when he finished it, he needed to stop talking before he mentioned that his fake boyfriend was a doctor or something and dug himself further into the hole he was digging. 

"That sucks," said Muzz sympathetically. "I'm surprised you haven't told Sidney about your guy, you guys have gotten really close right?" 

"Yeah, I mean, he's a good bro but it's also Sidney you know?" said Tyler feeling guilty as he spoke. "He's not really someone you talk about this shit with, plus, I may or may not have been implying that I've been with him when I've actually been," Tyler looked up through his lashes in a way that he hoped made him look sheepish and embarrassed rather than a bold-faced liar, "you know." 

Muzz snorted, "that's fantastic, I would kill to see Sid's face if he found out he's been your metaphorical beard." 

"But Sidney can't ever find out," Tyler reminded him. He needed another drink. "Because this whole relationship thing is a secret, fuck, I probably shouldn't have even told you, I promised I wouldn't say anything." 

"Tyler," said Muzz, the serious expression back on his face, it was the same face he wore when he braced for a shootout. "I would never betray your trust like that, you're one of my favorite people in Pittsburgh, as long as you're happy and safe, that's all that matters, I can take this secret to the grave." 

Tyler swallowed hard, Muzz was so serious, and so earnest. "That's the whole thing, I don't even know if I'm happy anymore." 

"Well, in that case, you'll have a week in Florida with Sid to not worry about any of this secret relationship stuff because it's Sidney and you can figure out what to do from there. Because you have to do what's right for you, and clearly this is something that is bothering you." 

Tyler smiled ruefully, if only.


	23. Twenty Three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I’m feeling so inspired to write right now thanks to all the wonderful nice things people have been commenting on this fic so thank you so, so much <3 I ended up splitting this chapter and the next into two, so get excited that one will also be posted sooner rather than later.
> 
> As usual, I don’t own any of these people, it’s all fake, I made it up, please don’t be offended by it, I mean no harm. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and I hope all is going well for everyone. Once again I want to say thank you so much for reading and commenting, it makes me happier than I can put into words <3 :)

Things were still strained as Tyler trailed after Sidney, who was weaving his way through the surprisingly crowded Pittsburgh airport. Or at least, Tyler felt like things were stained, but he could have been projecting. They had just lost in a shootout to Buffalo of all teams, and Tyler’s own missed attempt was weighing heavily on his consciousness. His shoulder ached from a hard hit he had taken during the second period, and he was excited to just get to the house Sidney had rented and sleep, or even get on the plane, he was pretty good at sleeping on planes.

They made it to their gate and Tyler sat down heavily in one of the chairs. They were earlier than anticipated and luckily the gate wasn’t crowded yet despite the congestion of the rest of the airport. 

“Your shoulder okay?” Sidney asked, watching the way Tyler winced as he sat his bag down by his feet. He shrugged then winced again. Shrugging was a bad idea. 

“It’ll be fine,” he said, “I’ll probably feel it tomorrow, but I’ll live.” He was going to have another nasty bruise on top of those already littering his body. The joys of being a professional athlete. 

Sidney frowned, “you should have gotten it looked at before we left.” 

Tyler rolled his eyes. “I didn’t want to miss our flight,” he said, then gave Sidney a lopsided smile hoping to defuse some of the one-sided tension. “Plus laying on a beach for the week will be the perfect R&R, just what the trainers would have recommended anyway.” 

“Still,” Sidney argued, fiddling with the black baseball hat he was wearing. “I worry about you.” 

Tyler snorted, “I know, you insisted on driving to the airport.” 

“Your car is a deathtrap!” Sidney argued, falling back into their familiar and good-natured argument. Some of the tension in Tyler’s chest eased. They were okay, things were going to be okay. He just needed to get over his insecurity and take another chance at talking to Sidney about telling people, at least family and maybe some of their close friends. He was tired of feeling like a dirty secret. 

“They could have at least given you something for the pain,” Sidney muttered and Tyler shrugged. 

“They probably would have told me to take Advil, which I plan on doing anyway,” Tyler explained. He hadn’t eaten since before the game and wasn’t about to risk an Advil induced stomach ulcer while on vacation with Sidney. 

“I’m going to get a pretzel,” Sidney said interrupting Tyler’s thoughts. “Do you want me to get you one?” 

Tyler’s eyes widened. “Yes, holy shit,” he said, airport pretzels were one of his favorite snacks, they tasted like adventure and the vacations he took with his parents as a child. Sidney knew this, Tyler was pretty sure he had rambled about it at length at one point or another. Plus, he was surprisingly food motivated for someone who valued his abs as much as he did. Also, if he ate a pretzel he would be able to take Advil and ward off the impending tightness and inflammation in his shoulder. Getting older meant he wasn’t able to bounce back as quickly as he once did from hits that wouldn’t have even phased him in the past. 

Sidney smiled, as if he knew that would be Tyler’s reaction. “I’ll be right back then,” he said. “Watch the bags?” 

“Ay, ay captain,” said Tyler cheekily and Sidney flushed. He filed that reaction away for later. Maybe it was something they could try out in bed while they were hiding from the rest of the world. That was part of his plan for the vacation. Lots and lots of time spent in bed, having lots and lots of sex. Tyler knew that sex wouldn’t be the answer to the issues they were having, but he hoped that reinforcing the closeness and intimacy that they have been missing would help to restore the balance between them. 

Tyler fiddled with his phone, checking his email before pulling up a game of Plague Inc. He wasn’t very good at it, but it was still fun. His virus has been discovered and a cure created just in time for Sidney to stroll back up, holding a pretzel in each hand. He handed a plain buttered pretzel to Tyler who smiled, and looked up at Sidney through hooded eyes, hoping to convey that if they weren’t in public he would have kissed him. He was hungry, he wished he had thought to ask Sidney to get him two. Sidney flushed and sat down next to Tyler, taking a bite of his own traditional salted pretzel. 

“I have no idea how you still have abs,” muttered Sidney watched as Tyler happily munched on his pretzel. Maybe he had said the thing about two pretzels out loud. 

Tyler huffed, licking butter from his fingers before he spoke. “What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked widening his eyes innocently. Sidney rolled his eyes. 

“It means you eat like a frat boy, but have the body of an underwear model,” Sidney chirped and Tyler shrugged. 

He tugged at the hem of his shirt between the two unzipped sides of his jacket, pulling it up to show off his defined stomach, he glanced down as if checking to make sure it was still as he remembered. “I think it’s the universes way of repaying me for my nonexistent ass.” He said before letting go of the hem and letting it drop back down to rest against the waist band of his jeans. Besides, they were nearing the time of year where he struggled to keep on weight, and their trainers had already started harassing him about upping his calorie intake. He had just deleted an email detailing that very setiment. He could eat a pretzel. He could eat two pretzels, hell he could probably eat three if he really wanted to. 

Sidney rolled his eyes and tore off a piece of his pretzel, his cheeks slightly flushed. Tyler didn’t know if it was because of the flash of his skin, or if he was thinking about the twitter account Tyler had shown him once dedicated to pictures of Sidney Crosby’s ass. 

Tyler finished his pretzel, licked his fingers clean while trying not to think about how dirty the airport was, and went back to fiddling with his phone. Sidney was staring intently at his own phone, probably reading some kind of news article or something about some kind of historical finding. 

He let the hand he wasn’t using to control his game rest on the seat next to him. A moment later something nudged against his fingers and he looked down in surprise to see that Sidney had subtly intertwined their fingers. Sidney looked up and quickly met Tyler’s gaze giving him a smile. Tyler grinned back. The movement was so insignificant, something that most couples wouldn’t even think twice about. However, for Tyler it made him feel as if he was floating, a warm giddy bubble of happiness warming his chest. Sidney was trying. Maybe things would start to change after their trip. 

Tyler fell asleep as soon as they boarded the plane, missing both the takeoff and landing as he rested his head against Sidney’s shoulder, snoring softly, as Sidney looked on fondly. He felt guilty waking him up when it was time to deplane and shuffle to the rental car, Tyler hadn’t been sleeping well, as evident by the dark circles that have been ever present under his eyes the past few days. Sidney knew it had something to do with him but hoped that a week off would do them both some good. Feeling brave, Sidney intertwined their fingers and half led, half dragged Tyler to the Hertz, and then all but dumped him into the passenger seat of the navy-blue jeep. 

Tyler rested his head against the window of the car, drifting in and out of consciousness as Sidney drove. 

“Sid,” Tyler whispered, his voice thick with sleep, “Sid, I’m hungry.” He sounded so young and looked so innocent in the faint light from the moon and the lights from the high way illuminating his profile. 

Sidney smiled, his fondness growing. They were almost at the house Sidney had rented, the keys having been left for him in the mailbox, and there was a sign for a Domino’s pizza off of the same exit. He pulled into lot and slipped inside, ordering two large pizzas with pepperoni. Tyler had mentioned in passing that the trainers were on him about the weight he was losing this season, and Sidney was determined to do his part to help Tyler make up for it. Luckily there wasn’t much of a wait at Dominos for carry out so late at night, and Tyler was once again out cold, and couldn’t complain. He stirred just as Sidney got back into the rented SUV, the smell of pizza perking him up. 

“Oh my god food,” Tyler chirped, sitting up straighter with excitement. 

“I got pepperoni,” Sidney explained and Tyler smiled and leaned across the center console to press a kiss to Sidney’s cheek. On this vacation they were just a normal Canadian couple, visiting the warm weather, they didn’t have to hide. 

“Thanks babe,” Tyler said happily, infinitely more awake than he had been since they left Pittsburgh. 

“I’m thinking pizza and then bed?” Sidney asked, turned onto the street his GPS indicated. “We can get breakfast and come up with a game plan for the week tomorrow morning, and then pick up some groceries?” 

Tyler shook his head. “pizza, sex then bed.” He explained. 

Sidney raised and eye brow, then turned back to the road just in time to take another turn. 

“We have all week for that, you’re exhausted,” Sidney reason, even though he seemed more awake now, Tyler has essentially been a zombie. “Plus, you hurt your shoulder.” 

“I mean, if you don’t want to, we don’t have to, but I’m always up for sex,” said Tyler. They hadn’t had time to do anything more than exchange quick hand jobs in the wake of their spat, and he was looking forward to spending the week well fucked and well fed. 

“We’ll see how you feel after we eat,” said Sidney pulling into a darkened drive way. The motion activated lights turned on, sensing the car. “Also, we’re here.” He said and Tyler grinned taking in the oversized house tucked between some palm trees. Tyler followed Sidney out of the car and grabbed their bags as Sidney retrieved the key and opened the front door, before heading back to grab the pizza. 

Tyler knew the house was large, had a great patio and pool and hot tub combination, and that the yard faded seamlessly into a private beach. He could explore tomorrow. For now, he wanted to eat, and then he wanted Sidney to fuck him before going to sleep. 

He trailed after Sidney, leaving their bags in the hallway before following him into the kitchen, turning all the lights on as he went. There were high ceilings, granite counter tops, and white cabinets. Tyler proceeded to open every one of them in search of plates before finding them in the last cabinet he checked, while Sidney brought their bags up to the master bedroom. 

“I can’t believe you were going to stay here by yourself,” Tyler said, around a bite of pizza when Sidney came back into the kitchen. Sidney rolled his eyes at the fact that Tyler was ignoring the perfectly good bar stools and was instead sitting on the counter of the island. 

“It’s nice,” Sidney argued, grabbing a bottle of water out of the fridge, one of the few things that had come pre-stocked in the kitchen. 

“It’s lonely,” Tyler said, after he finished chewing and swallowed. 

“Well good thing I’m not alone then,” said Sidney stepping into the v made by Tyler’s legs. 

“It’s a good thing,” Tyler echoed as Sidney leaned forward to mouth hungrily at his neck. Tyler squirmed away, sliding back on the counter and away from Sid’s mouth. 

“Nah, ah, ah,” Said Tyler waving his third slice of pizza in Sidney’s face as if it were a weapon. Sidney blinked. “I told you, pizza, then sex, then bed.” He paused, “And I don’t think I’m into the idea of multitasking the pizza and sex part.” 

Sidney wrinkled his nose and stepped out from in between Tyler’s legs. “But I definitely want to do the sex part after, I eat.” Tyler clarified. He took another bite of the pizza and swung his legs back and forth, his heels hitting the drawers of the island as if he was a child. 

“Probably for the best,” said Sidney, “you’ll need your strength for the week.” 

Tyler smirked, “I’m counting on it.”


	24. Twenty Four.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you so much for saying nice things in the comments, reading them makes me stupidly happy. This isn’t my favorite chapter, ever but I delayed posting it in hopes I would be able to come up with something I really liked, but no such luck. HOWEVER, I’m really happy with the next chapter I have written. 
> 
> As usual, I don’t own any of these people, it’s all fake, I made it up, please don’t be offended by it, I mean no harm. 
> 
> This chapter is unbetaed and pretty unedited, I’ve also been staring at it for so long and fiddling with it so much I hope it actually makes sense…
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and commenting! Please continue to comment, I love hearing what people thing more than anything else. Thank you!! Enjoy :)   
> <3

Sidney found Tyler sitting on the patio with his legs tucked to his chest, a mug of tea in his hands as he stared out over the water. Sidney smiled when he saw him, coming up behind him to drop a kiss to his bare shoulder. 

“Good morning,” said Sidney, taking a seat in one of the chairs next to Tyler. He took in the purple bruising along Tyler’s shoulder that faded into the dark swirling ink of his tattoos, and the dark red bruising bites littering the column of his throat. Sidney’s heart flipped at seeing his possessive handy work on display so clearly. 

“Morning,” said Tyler, he took a sip of his tea and shifted his weight. 

“How are you feeling?” Sidney asked worriedly. 

Tyler gave him a lopsided smile. “Like I can’t wait to get your dick in me again.” 

Sidney flushed, but still managed to raise an eyebrow, causing Tyler to sigh. 

“Shoulder hurts, but I took some Advil and Facetimed Patrick, he said it’s probably some AC irritation, but he isn’t too worried about it, since we have the week off, I’m just not supposed to lift anything heavy which means you need to fuck me against the wall and not the other way around.” 

With a roll of his eyes Sidney smiled, “I think that can be arranged, as long as you’re not too sore from last night.” 

Tyler flushed deliciously pink, nearly glowing in the late morning sunshine when he thought about the way Sidney had held him down, a palm pressed heavily against his bloated stomach, and fucked him, he came twice, once without Sidney even touching his dick. He shifted his weight, suddenly hyper aware of how sore he was, previously he had been too distracted by the pain and panic in his shoulder to notice. 

“I think I’ll be ready after breakfast,” Tyler reasoned, shifting again and taking stock of his body. 

Sidney snorted, “you have such a two-track mind, it’s been food or sex since we got here.” 

“We haven’t even been here twenty-four hours,” Tyler reasoned. “Plus, isn’t that how you’re supposed to spend bye week when you’re in a relationship? Well-fed and well fucked?” 

Plus, sex was a great distraction from the spiraling mishmash of feelings that threatened to strangle him if he listened to them for too long. He needed to talk to Sidney, seriously, about keeping their relationship less of a secret, because doing so was destroying him inside. Keeping things so hidden made him feel cheap and dirty, like Sidney was ashamed of him. He wondered what it meant that he was trying to prove his worth to Sidney through physical gratification. But he quickly pushed the thought away, Sidney wasn’t with him just for the admittedly great sex, Sidney was with him because there was something about them together that just clicked, and that something was worth holding on to.

They just needed to talk about it, something Tyler was procrastinating by jumping Sidney every chance he got. Part of him was terrified that Sidney would end things after Tyler told him how he felt, and he still wasn’t sure if that was the outcome he wanted. Was a hidden Sidney better than no Sidney at all? If he was going to end up alone, he needed as many physical reminders as he could get. 

“We should probably get breakfast then,” said Sidney, startling Tyler and pulling him from his thoughts. He had been obsessing and fretting about the fate of their relationship since he woke up two hours ago needing to pee. He had extracted himself carefully from the bed and was too wound up to go back to sleep after. 

“Sounds like a plan,” said Tyler, finishing the last of his tea before following Sidney back inside. He sat the empty mug in the sink and heading to the bedroom. 

Sidney was in the shower, but Tyler didn’t bother, he just grabbed a pair of cheerful yellow swim trunks out of his bag and a white and gray tank top. He added a backwards snapback to hid the mess that was his hair and looped a pair of sunglasses into the collar of his tank top. He knew he smelt like sex but couldn’t be bothered to do anything about it. He liked the idea of everyone at the diner Sidney had told him about over pizza last night knowing he was claimed, and that the reason he was walking funny was for the reason they thought. 

He flopped back down on the bed, and started fiddling with his phone, he sent Muzz a snapchat of the bruise on his shoulder, and quickly got one of Muzz’s thigh in return, whose bruise was distinctly puck shaped. Tyler snorted in amusement and sat up when he heard the water shut off. Sidney was scarily efficient in getting ready. He emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later, stubble still shaded his jaw and Tyler couldn’t wait to feel it brush up against his inner thighs. He had a towel wrapped around his waist but he quickly dropped it to the floor to tug on a pair of dark gray boxer briefs followed by a pair of black shorts Tyler was pretty sure had been custom made. He followed it up with a gray tee shirt that darkened in some places and stuck to his skin since he wasn’t completely dry. Tyler licked his lips and shamelessly checked out Sidney’s ass when he bent down to get a pair of flip flops. 

Tyler stood up and wrapped his arms around Sidney’s waist, pulling him into a chaste, lazy kiss. 

“I love you,” Tyler found himself murmuring against Sidney’s lips, causing the older man to hum in pleasure and deepen the kiss. Sidney licked into Tyler’s mouth greedily, raising a hand to cup the back of his neck, using the other to pull their bodies flush together. Sidney bit down on Tyler’s bottom lip and a soft moan escaped Tyler’s throat, before Sidney took a step back. 

“Breakfast,” he reminded and Tyler nodded, panting as he willed his half chub to subside. 

“Sorry, you just look good in those shorts.” Tyler said, and Sidney smiled. 

“Don’t ever be sorry for that, I just know if I don’t feed you at regular intervals you get grumpy.” 

“Well,” said Tyler, “You’re not wrong.” 

 

The diner that Sidney had told Tyler about was everything that he dreamed of and more. There were pale pink vinyl booths, turquoise table tops, and it very clearly catered primarily to an older retiree crowed. It helped that they were in Florida, but it still made Tyler’s heart race like he was fifteen with a crush on a senior when Sidney placed a hand on the small of his back to steady him after he tripped over his own feet, and left it there, basically guiding him to a sticky table as they followed the woman, Dot, who would also be their server and looked like she should be one of the patrons, not working there. 

They sat on opposite sides of the booth, but Tyler still linked his ankle around Sidney’s under the table, smiling to himself at the contact they never got to enjoy in Pittsburgh, as he looked through the menu. Everything sounded amazing, he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to choose. Dot came back with two mugs of coffee and Sidney expressed his thanks, ever the good Canadian gentleman. 

“How did you even find this place?” Tyler asked, he was pretty sure he was going to get something that was calling itself a pina colada pancake. He wasn’t sure how that was going to work, but anything with pineapple and coconut in it had to be amazing, plus it was the perfect opportunity to make a joke making sure he and Sidney were on the same page for later. 

Sidney flushed, “My sister found it a few years ago when she was on spring break, the next time I was in Florida she kept texting me until I came here for myself- apparently their pancakes saved her from the ‘worst hangover ever.’” 

Tyler snorted, “Sounds like college kids, always on the hunt for hangover food.” 

“Hey, wait until you try them, they’re good even if you’re not hungover.” Sidney reasoned and Tyler smiled. He didn’t doubt it. 

He wondered if not the time would be to bring up his doubts and his fears, to tell Sidney that something needed to change because he couldn’t continue being a secret, not with the way it was tearing him apart inside. Just as he was about to open his mouth, building the courage, Dot came back to take their order and the moment was lost. Maybe it was for the best, Tyler didn’t want to ruin everything so early in the trip, and the other diners didn’t need to see him cry. 

 

After eating his fill and then some of pancakes, they headed to the grocery store, where Tyler complained that he ate too much and could never look at food again, and then promptly insisted that Sidney buy the sixteen pack of Pop Tarts because that shit was important. Sidney didn’t say anything, he just squeezed Tyler’s hand where it was intertwined with his own and added the box to the cart along with the two thirty packs of Bud Light, three bottles of wine and tube of frozen margarita mix that Tyler had already added. Sidney, ever the adult, added, things with nutritional value like chicken, and fruit. Tyler made a face but didn’t say anything, Sidney was letting him get his snacks without complaint. Tyler interlocked their fingers, it was impractical to be holding hands while Sidney pushed the shopping cart but Tyler didn’t care. It gave him a thrill that Sidney was holding his hand in public, the same way the carefree contact at the diner had filled him with joy. 

He wanted this every day. Tyler knew it was unrealistic, that even if they told their friends, family and teammates, that wasn’t the same as going public. He knew it wouldn’t lead to holding hands at Giant Eagle, but at the Winn Dixie in the Keys, it felt like nothing could touch them. 

If Sidney noticed that Tyler was unusually quiet on the drive back to the house he didn’t comment on it. He just turned to grin at him at every red light, softly expressing how happy he was that they were here together. 

Tyler felt nauseous as he sat on the counter, watching as Sidney put the groceries away. He needed to say something. But every time he tried the words became lodged in his throat, suffocating him. Sidney nudged his knees apart and stepped between the space he created. He kissed Tyler heavily on the mouth, and Tyler swallowed the guilt, and kissed him back. Sidney tossed him over his shoulder, taking him back to the bedroom, but Tyler couldn’t help but feel like they were living on borrowed time.


	25. Twenty Five.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings! Thank you so much for saying nice things in the comments, I’ve been having a miserable week (and it’s only Monday woo!) so reading them was literally the highlight of my day. I was going to wait a few more days to post it, but after today I decided I wanted some more validation from the people of the internet, so please, if you loved it, hated it, are in different about it, please let me know! 
> 
> I really like this chapter, I’m not sure if anyone else will like this chapter (I mean, I like it because I basically ended up accidentally getting drunk and screwing up an important conversation with my now ex boyfriend, we didn’t break up because of the conversation though, that ended up working out, we broke up a few months later for a different reason but this was years ago anyway ignore me, and so I basically forced my own experiences onto Tyler in this one and that filled me with a weird joy for some reason ANYWAY)
> 
> As usual, I don’t own any of these people, it’s all fake, I made it up, please don’t be offended by it, I mean no harm. 
> 
> This chapter is unbetaed and pretty unedited, I just like wanted to get it out there into the world. But also I don’t have a beta editor and The Roommate that usually helps me edit once in a while has to rewrite an entire pilot tv show episode by Thursday so she’s just a stress puddle and i didn’t want to throw more words at her. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and commenting! Please continue to comment, I love hearing what people thing more than anything else. Thank you!! Enjoy :) 
> 
> (Sorry this note was so long, as I said I had a rough day and babbling on about life is making me feel better)

Each day that passed felt like a noose tightening around Tyler’s neck. Each breath he took was labored and threatened to be his last as he slowly suffocated. Every time he distracted Sidney with his body, every time he aborted speaking with a heated kiss felt like a lie. 

They were at a seafood restaurant watching the sun set over the water, the air had turned colder as the sun dipped below the horizon, and wordlessly Sidney had handed Tyler his hoodie, knowing that he would be cold and had forgotten his own. Tyler had smiled his thanks and slipped it on. The spicy smell of Sidney that filled his nose as he pulled it over his head made the guilt sit heavier in his stomach as if he was continuously swallowing lead balls. 

He knew he was building the exchange up in his mind, turning it into something more than it was, turning it into more than it needed to be. He loved Sidney, and Sidney claimed to love him. Where there was love there should be communication, and if the conversation didn’t go well, then what they have isn’t love and isn’t meant to be. More than anything Tyler wished he could explain how he was feeling to someone else, to bounce ideas off of them as the words swirled through his head, taking on a life of their own, and threatening Tyler’s each time he closed his eyes. He knew he was his own worst enemy, but he didn’t know how to make the words stop. 

Sidney was talking, and Tyler was pretending to listen. He felt fuzzy, blurry around the edges as he worked his way through the bottomless margarita he had ordered, the pour significantly stronger than he had been expecting as he tried to work up the liquid courage to say what was on his mind. Sidney wasn’t drinking, he often made a point not to because he was driving. He said it didn’t bother him when Tyler did, but his own self-consciousness and fears meant he imaged disapproval rolling off his boyfriend in waves. It was his own petty rebellion that the imagined judgement made him drink more. 

He had barely eaten the fish tacos he had ordered, feeling vaguely nauseous with the dread of what he knew was coming. But the margaritas were cold and slide easily down his throat, cooling the fear that was building and allowed him to cuddle deeper into Sidney’s sweatshirt. 

Sidney looked at his plate with concern but didn’t say anything as he batted Tyler’s hand out of the way to pay for their meal. When their server returned with Sidney’s credit card, Sidney signed the slip and returned the card to his wallet. 

“Ready?” Sidney asked, concern coloring his gaze at how abnormally quiet Tyler had been, at how sad and unsure he looked. He hadn’t even requested dessert like he usually did when they went out. Tyler always seemed to know that Sidney wanted it but couldn’t justify it without a nudge in the right direction. Tyler nodded, not trusting himself to speak for fear that it would all come tumbling out, that he would start crying in such a public place. 

He stood up and swayed, surprising himself when he realized just how unsteady he was on his feet. He blinked, trying to focus his vision as he followed Sidney out of the restaurant, he dropped his gaze down to his feet, working to put on in front of the other so that he wouldn’t trip on the uneven planks that made up the floor of the dock stretching into the water. 

“Are you okay?” Sidney asked, turning the Jeep on, watching in concern as Tyler leaned back, and closed his eyes. When did they get to the car, when did Tyler climb inside it.

“I’m fine,” Tyler said, annunciating his words carefully. “My shoulder is just bothering me.” It was another lie in the many he found himself telling. 

“I’m sorry babe,” Sidney murmured, turning his gaze back to the road. “You should probably get it checked out when we get home, it doesn’t seem like it’s getting any better.” 

“It’s fine,” Tyler muttered. He didn’t want Sidney to be worrying about him like that. He was frustrated and upset, with both himself and his lover. Instead of making him feel cared for and loved, Sidney’s worry made him feel controlled.

Sidney pulled into the drive way and Tyler scurried out of the car. Desperate to escape the conversation, and ready himself for the one they actually needed to have.

“I’ll grab a few beers then meet you out back?” he suggested as a peace offering. There was a gas firepit out back, and Tyler knew Sidney enjoyed sitting out by it. Sidney agreed and Tyler headed inside, careful not to face plant going up the steps as he headed into the kitchen. They could talk out by the fire. It would be a calm setting, two adults discussing their fears and their relationship status. Tyler wondered if he would still have a boyfriend at the end of it. He wondered if he should have thought ahead and gotten a hotel room for the night. 

He grabbed them each two bottles and set them on the counter. The unopened tequila on the counter caught his eye. Without consciously making a decision, Tyler peeled off the foil, and unscrewed the top and raised the bottle to his lips. He took a long drag, the liquid burning as he swallowed and swallowed again. He needed all the help he could get. 

He didn’t bother screwing the lid back on, just headed out to the patio where Sidney had started the fire and was waiting. If this went down how he was expecting it to, he was going to need it when they were done talking. He handed Sidney two of the beers and kept two for himself, forgoing the deck chairs to sit next to Sidney on the ground. He kicked off his flipflops and dug his toes into the sand, trying to ground himself as he tried to find the confidence to speak. Instead, Tyler found himself transfixed by the flames, the color shimmering, and flickering, moving as if they were liquid. The waves lapped against the shore, and the hiss of the fire the only sounds cutting through the night. 

“Seriously Ty, what’s wrong?” Sidney asked, after a few minutes of silence. Tyler had been acting weirder and weirder and he wanted to get to the bottom of it. 

This was his chance, this was his moment to opened up to Sidney and tell him how he was feeling. Tyler opened his beer and downed most of it in one go. He hiccupped, and suddenly broke off into a sob. 

“Ty?” asked Sidney hesitantly, reaching out carefully to Tyler as if he was a wounded wild animal. He felt so lost, he had no idea what was happening. Tyler scotched forward and buried his face in Sidney’s chest. Tyler had no idea what was happening. 

“I’m so fucking drunk,” he said, the alcohol washing over him in a heavy wave. Why was he drunk, he didn’t want to be drunk, he wanted to be pleasantly tipsy and warm, just loose enough to be able to tell Sidney how he felt. But he had drank more than he realized, faster than intended and on an empty stomach, mixed with the lack of sleep he had gotten the night before, he was hit harder than anticipated. 

He couldn’t talk to Sidney about how the secrecy in their relationship was killing him inside when he was drunk. Meaning that he only had one option. 

“Tyler what the fuck?” Asked Sidney breaking the kiss that Tyler had just initiated and pushing him off of him, though he made sure to be conscious of his shoulder. 

Tyler blinked, his brain felt sluggish and that wasn’t what he was expecting. 

“You don’t want to fuck me?” Tyler asked, lacking any kind of filter. Sidney always wanted to fuck him. It was one of the things they were good at, one of the only things Tyler was truly confident about in their relationship. They were extremely physically compatible. 

“No, I don’t want to fuck you right now, what the hell?” Sidney asked, confusion and frustration bleeding into his tone. “You’ve been acting weird all day, you just finished telling me in the car how your shoulder was still bothering you, you’re drunk, I’m not sure why, and I would never take advantage of you like that, not to mention you just started crying with no warning.” 

“I haven’t been acting weird!” Tyler countered, he hadn’t moved from where he countered in the sand. He knew he had been acting weird but he hadn’t realized Sidney had picked up on it. 

“You’ve barely said two words to me the last few days, all you want to do is ‘fuck’ and then you go and get lost in your own head, I would like to think that I mean a little more to you than just a convenient lay.” Sidney snapped back.

Tyler swallowed hard. “And I thought I meant more to you than being your dirty little secret.” 

Sidney recoiled as if he had been slapped, his eyes going wide as he took in the seriousness of the words. 

Tears filled Tyler’s eyes and he wiped them away roughly with the back of his hand, trying and failing to keep the sand out of them. The grit stung but not as bad as the words clawing their way from his throat.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Sidney asked, his voice low and dangerous. 

This wasn’t how Tyler wanted it to go down, but it looked like this is how it was going to happen. He should have known. He made a mess of everything he touched. 

“It means, that I feel dirty,” Tyler said, focusing on his words, his head was swimming but even if he was going about this all wrong Sidney needed to know how he felt. “It means that I feel dirty, and used, and cheap and like you’re ashamed of me. It means that I feel like the only thing I’m good for is getting fucked, I get that you don’t want to tell the whole fucking world that we’re together and I would never ask you to go public like that. But I don’t think that it’s crazy that I want to tell my mom that my asshole captain that I had a crush on, that I thought hated me, is now my boyfriend, that I want to tell my friends, our teammates that I can’t play COD with them tonight because I have plans with my boyfriend!” 

“We talked about this! You said that you understood and that it was okay! That you understood that I needed time and that you were fine with it!” Sidney shouted, he was standing now, they both were. When did they stand up? 

“I fucking lied! I love you and didn’t want you to leave me!” Tyler shouted back, he was openly crying now and he didn’t care anymore. Everything was wrong, wrong, wrong. They were supposed to talk about it, rationally and without yelling. Tyler was supposed to tell Sidney how he felt, and Sidney was supposed to understand. They weren’t supposed to scream at each other, they were supposed to come up with a solution, even if it meant breaking up. They were supposed to handle this like adults. 

“But this secret, this relationship, it’s killing me, you’re killing me,” Tyler sobbed. “And now I’m going to get traded again.” 

Sidney paled, he shook his head and said something too low for Tyler to hear before turning on his heel and heading back into the house. Tyler was drunk and alone, but he knew better than to follow.


	26. Twenty Six.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry for the drama of last chapter I’m glad you guys liked it. I’m not as thrilled with this one, but it’s a transitional chapter, moving forward in the story and what not. 
> 
> Thank you so much for commenting! And reading and existing and all that jazz. Keep on commenting and such it helps motivate me to keep writing, Yay for seeking validating on the internet! 
> 
> I don’t own any of these people, it’s all fake, I made it up, please don’t be offended by it. 
> 
> This chapter as usual is unbetaed and unedited all mistakes are my own. 
> 
> Once again thank you for reading / commenting!

“Ty,” said Sidney softly, bending down to shake the younger man’s shoulder. Tyler blinked owlishly, confused, trying to make sense of where he was before it all came rushing back. He pulled away from Sidney’s touch, his shoulder aching from sleeping on the sand. He had exaggerated how much it was bothering him before, but it seemed like now it may actually become a real issue. “Come inside.” 

The sun hadn’t risen yet but the sky was starting to turn a lighter shade of purple-blue, no longer the harsh ink of a late night. 

“Tyler, come on, you’re not staying out here all night.” Tyler felt hands on his good shoulder and suddenly he was on his feet. He was in a semi-conscious haze, following like a lost puppy. Sidney could be leading him to the ocean to drown him and Tyler would follow. He would follow Sidney anywhere. He must have said that out loud for Sidney squeezed his shoulder, in surprise, his fingers digging into the tense muscle hard enough to bruise. Tyler nearly lost his footing stepping up into the house, he wished he could keep Sidney’s hand on his forever. Sleepily, he wondered if he would have been better off, drowning in the Atlantic Ocean. 

When he awoke again the sun was high in the sky, streaming in through the thin curtains of one of the guest rooms Tyler had only entered during his initial exploration of the property. He was alone in bed, he would be from now on. He swallowed hard. He felt nauseous. He wasn’t sure if he was hungover or if it was regret. He wondered if he was going to be sick. The memories of his mistakes came rushing back to him, and it felt like he was drowning in them. 

He stumbled to the bathroom and fell to his knees in front of the toilet. He had wanted to tell Sidney how he was feeling. He had wanted to discuss it and find a solution. Instead he had gotten drunk, started crying and then started yelling. He was ashamed. Sidney deserved more than that. He heaved, bile burning his throat as he vomited. He rested his forehead against the seat of the toilet. He was pathetic. 

He had a throbbing headache, most likely due to dehydration, and from the force of being sick. His shoulder was stiff, he remembered falling asleep in the sand, unable to move after his failed confrontation. He wondered what it meant that Sidney came back from him, came back and brought him inside. He didn’t deserve it. 

Tyler took a deep breath and pulled himself together. He flushed the toilet and slipped out of the room and into the hallway, albite unsteady. He didn’t hear Sidney moving around and hoped that meant he was outside or downstairs. He wasn’t in the bedroom that they had been sharing the past few nights, and Tyler was surprised to see that the bed looked unslept in. He wondered what that meant. He wondered if Sidney hadn’t felt comfortable sleeping in the bed they had shared after what was most likely their breakup, or if just hadn’t gone to sleep at all. Tyler had so many questions and knew that he probably wasn’t going to be getting any answers. 

His bag was still at the foot of the bed where he left it. He crept into the bathroom, careful not to make any noise as he grabbed his toiletry bag and tossed it into his suitcase, before zipping the bag up. He carried it back to the room he had woken up in and ran his fingers through his hair. He reopened the bag and dug out his tooth brush, and quickly brushed his teeth. 

As much as he didn’t want to, it was time to face the music. He couldn’t delay it any longer, if he did he may never talk to Sidney. Tyler was an avoider. But he needed some type of closure before he hightailed it back to Pittsburgh. He had already checked and booked himself on a flight leaving in three hours. He wanted to slip out without Sidney being any wiser but knew for his own sanity that while that seemed like a better choice now, it would only be worse for his mental health in the long run. Plus, it wouldn’t be fair to Sidney. Despite everything, and how unhappy he was, Tyler knew that he loved him. He loved him with every fiber of his being. It scared him how much he loved and cared for the other man, which is why it had been destroying him from the inside out that their relationship, their love was a secret. Tyler had been so proud of his lover and wanted to share that pride and joy with those that were close to him. 

Tyler made his way to the first floor, careful to avoid the step that creaked. He wasn’t sure why; his goal was to find and talk to Sidney but for some reason he was trying to delay it as long as possible. Part of him was worried that if Sidney heard him coming he would run, like Tyler wanted too. But Sidney wasn’t that type of person.

Sidney was sitting in the living room, curled up on the couch with his legs tucked under him. He didn’t look up from the book he was reading when Tyler walked in. He swallowed hard and sat down in the arm chair catty corner to Sidney. He coughed, a mixture of trying to get Sidney’s attention and choking on his own saliva. He pulled the sleeves of the hoodie he was still wearing over his hands. 

“I’m sorry,” he said softly, and finally Sidney looked up. 

“You’re not,” he responded, and Tyler blinked, taken aback by Sidney’s bluntness, even though there was no hostility in his tone. Just defeat. Sidney ran his fingers through his hair. “You just told me how you really feel.” 

“I love you though,” Tyler said softly, even though he knew it wouldn’t make a difference. He was sorry though, he was sorry that he had told Sidney the way he did, drunk and yelling accusations instead of calmly and rationally. He felt his eyes fill with tears and he tried to will them away. He felt weak, he didn’t want to cry again, even though this conversation hurt, especially since he knew exactly where it was going. 

“But I’m killing you,” Sidney said. 

“Keeping this all a secret is,” Tyler countered catching Sidney’s gaze. He was surprised that Sidney broke first, looking back down at his hands. 

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. 

“I want to make this work,” Tyler pleaded, realizing suddenly that Sidney wasn’t going to fight for them. He hadn’t realized he was hoping he would, even as he spent the week bracing for the end. Then again, he hadn’t expected it to be as messy as it ended up. 

Sidney just shook his head. “It can’t, I can’t, I don’t know how to be open about this, I have so few things that are just mine, and I don’t know how to expose this to the rest of the world, I’m not ready, my parents don’t even know I’m gay, Mario is the only one.” Sidney exhaled. “I love you.” 

Tyler smiled ruefully. “I love you too.” He looked down at his hands. “Is this it then?” he asked. 

Sidney nodded, “I think so, fuck, I’m so fucking sorry, you deserve the world and I made you feel cheap and used, I didn’t mean to but I did and I’m so, so sorry Tyler.” 

Tyler shrugged, his heart was racing and he was too seconds away from breaking down in tears again. “I shouldn’t have said all that, I was drunk.” 

“Don’t ever apologize for how you feel,” Sidney said, his words forceful. “I’m just sorry I couldn’t be what you need, I love you so much, I wish I know how.” 

“Me too,” said Tyler, “Me too.” 

Tyler stood up. He needed to leave before they talked themselves in circles, and he broke his own heart even more. 

 

The entire ride to the airport he found himself waiting for Sidney’s call, for him to show up at the terminal shouting that it had all been a mistake. But rationally Tyler knew better. His life wasn’t a romantic comedy, and he didn’t get that kind of happy ending. It was more of a Shakespearian drama, he was just waiting for his cue, exit, pursued by bear. At least no one had died tragically, yet. 

Another part of him was waiting for a phone call from Rutherford telling him he was being traded again. He knew that technically it was too late in the season, that the deadline had already passed and that on top of the he had a no trade clause now. But that didn’t go into effect until the start of next season. There was still time for Pittsburgh to dump him. He doubted that Sidney would want his ex-hanging around his team, Jamie hadn’t. Losing Sidney hurt more than losing Jamie ever could. The further he got from the beach house, the more he felt like he had left a piece of himself behind on the armchair. 

Tyler curled his legs to his chest, he was too big for the way he had wedged himself into the uncomfortable airport gate chairs, but he needed the comfort, needed to make himself as small as possible in his pathetic attempts to self sooth. He refused to cry. He knew that once he started he wouldn’t be able to stop. He just needed to hold it together until he got back home. He still had a few days left before his responsibilities resumed, no one would be expecting him back in Pittsburgh, and almost everyone he would see anyway was out of town. He would just pick up Marshall and Cash and spend the next few days locked in solitude mourning the fact that he was pretty sure things had just ended with the love of his life, and that no one could even know. 

He wondered how he was going to explain to Muzz that he had broken up with his secret boyfriend and that he had a falling out with Sidney all in the same weekend. He wondered if he would put the two pieces together and what that would mean for their friendship and Sidney’s trust. If Muzz didn’t figure it out, there was no doubt in his mind that Chris wouldn’t put two and two together the second she heard the story. She was in law school and had never taken a hockey puck to the helmet. 

He tugged at the collar of the sweatshirt he was wearing and took a deep breath, realizing suddenly when he was hit with the spicy smell of Sidney that he was still wearing his hoodie from the restaurant. He blinked, tears once again flooding his eyes even as he desperately tried to keep them from falling. He must have made a sound because the older grandmotherly type woman sitting next to him frowned and looked at him with concern. 

“Are you okay dear?” she asked, and Tyler opened his mouth to say he was fine but found himself shaking his head instead. He wasn’t fine. He couldn’t tell his sisters, or Muzz or even his mother, but he needed to tell someone, anyone that his entire world was falling apart and he was expected to move on as if nothing had happened while wearing a smile. He was hungover and just ended things with the love of his life. He was alone in an airport flying back to a life that still didn’t feel like his yet, that he wasn’t sure if he even fit in anymore. It had only been a few months, but Tyler didn’t know where he fit in Pittsburgh without Sidney. 

“I just broke up with my boyfriend,” he said, the words leaving a bitter taste on his tongue. Heartbreak. They tasted like heart break. 

“Keep your head up,” she said, “things will get better and it will all work out.”


	27. Twenty Seven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, if you guys still exist. 
> 
> Was this worth the wait? Absolutely not. Do I have a good excuse? None at all. 
> 
> (if you’re interested in hearing some of them though, I did have surgery / get a grown up job / move across the country, then have a meltdown about whether or not I felt comfortable writing fan fiction about real people anymore) 
> 
> As usual, fic is unbetaed, and I apologize for any and all mistakes. (If there are any huge ones please let me know!) 
> 
> I don't own any of these characters/people, nothing that happens in this is real, it’s all fake.
> 
> Also warning for risky sexual behavior (which takes place while under the influence) and mentions of drug use. 
> 
> Ta-da! I have the rest of this outlined so hopefully I’ll actually, like finish it, and update again not months later. 
> 
> Please comment and let me know what you think because I validation from people on the internet make this all worth it :) 
> 
> Thanks, Ally

Tyler felt like he was overheating, the thin white tee shirt he was wearing clinging to his skin. It had gone nearly translucent, damp with sweat, the dark lines of the ink covering his body visible through the delicate material. The blonde had his hands on his hips, before reaching around to cup his ass, tugging him closer, grinding their hips together in tight steady circles. Tyler swallowed back a moan at the delicious friction. The blonde shoved one hand down the back pocket of Tyler’s skinny jeans, the other slipped under his shirt to paw at his slick skin. Tyler shuttered, savoring the feeling of being wanted. Blunt finger nails raked across his abs and Tyler whined low and needy. 

He felt like his body wasn’t his own as the blonde sucked a mark on his neck, pale scruff dragging against Tyler’s sensitive skin. He’ll have beard burn connecting dark bruises in the morning but at the moment all he could think was that it felt good. Tyler wanted to feel good. His body wasn’t his own but whoever it belonged too was in pure ecstasy with the blonde hands worshipping every inch of him he could reach. He had always skated a tad too close to the edge mixing pain with pleasure. 

“You’re so hot,” the blonde whispered, biting down hard enough to draw blood, it ran down Tyler’s neck, staining the collar of his tee shirt but the he licked it away with a hot stoke of his tongue and Tyler pressed nearer, hugging the other man close. He wanted. 

They were in Arizona, their first game back since the bye week. They won easily even with the obvious tension between himself and Sidney. He couldn’t look at the other man without feeling like his heart was being ripped out of his chest, torn to pieces and then run over. Maybe even set on fire for good measure. Sidney wouldn’t even look at him, somehow that hurt even more. His shoulder ached and they gave him two tablets to take before bed. The trainer warned him not to mix the narcotics with alcohol. Tyler took them as soon as the team got to the bar, chasing them with a swallow of Jack. 

They didn’t care about hockey in the desert, even less so than they had in Dallas. It was so easy to slip away from the group as they went out to celebrate their win. Too easy to slip away and up the street following directions on his phone to the last place any of them would think to look for him, except maybe Sidney. Muzz knew he had broken up with his boyfriend and had a falling out with Sidney. But Tyler played the heartbreak close to his chest, and Muzz knew better than to press. Tyler didn’t think he knew the details but it was easy enough to leave while he was distracted by Shearsy’s enthusiasm over the margarita tower that had been ordered. 

He knew he was going to miss curfew but Tyler didn’t care. He didn’t care about much anymore. He was too fucking broken inside to feel much of anything except pain and sadness. He had lost track of how much he had to drink but what did it matter anyway, he doubted he going to get alcohol poisoning and that’s all that really mattered. He didn’t think anyone on the Penguins would be as understanding of him having his stomach pumped as Marchy was when they were rookies. He was floating and there was a blonde man trailing bite marks down the column of his throat. If he was sober he would be embarrassed by the blatantly nearly pornographic display, as the man groped the growing bulge in his jeans. But he was drunk and high and the blonde wanted him. Tyler wished Sidney wanted him enough, wanted him at all. So drunk and so high. 

He did a line with a brunette in the bathroom before sauntering up to the bar to order a drink and stumble onto the dance floor. Weaving through writhing bodies was the first time Tyler felt any kind of normal since Sidney walked away from him on the beach. He did shots with a red head celebrating his twenty first birthday before locking eyes with the blonde across the sea of people, knowing instantly that was who he wanted, that if anyone was going to make him forget it would be him. 

He had spent the days that followed wrapped up in nearly every blanket he owned, refusing to leave his bed. He only shuffled downstairs to feed and let the dogs out every few hours and collect the steady stream of groceries he had ordered. Between the few days he did manage to spend in Florida, and a diet made up exclusively of Ben & Jerry’s since he returned, Tyler had managed to put on ten pounds, making up for what he had lost midseason, much to the approval of the training staff. But it just made Tyler feel unattractive and unwanted. 

Tyler was so fucking drunk. “Do you want to get out of here?” The blonde asked, his breath tickling the freshly bitten skin of Tyler’s neck. A segment of hair had fallen out of the blonde’s bun and it tickled Tyler’s collarbone. The man was forward and possessive marking Tyler as his own even though they hadn’t exchanged names. 

Tyler nodded. He stumbled as the man led him off the dance floor. Everything was too bright too saturated with color as the room spun. 

Tyler found himself pawing at the man’s belt. He had been led out the side exit of the club into a moderately lit ally way. He didn’t want to wait. It took him a few tries but he managed to get the belt undone, following it with the buttons of his fly. Tyler sunk to his knees in a smooth motion and nuzzled up against the blonde’s lower stomach. 

“Jesus Christ,” he murmured, his voice heavy with surprise and last as Tyler tugged his jeans off his hips and mouthed at him through the cotton of his briefs. He wanted.

The blonde threaded his fingers through Tyler’s hair, tugging on the strands and making him moan, touching himself through his clothes. 

“You want this don’t you?” the blonde rasped, “want to choke on my cock out here for everyone to see?” 

Tyler hiccupped, and took the blonde into his mouth, his gag reflex was none existent in his current state and he swallowed around his length. The blonde moaned, fingers fisted tightly in Tyler’s locks. Tyler preened against the pain, he was wanted. 

***

Tyler was pretty sure he had thrown up everything he had ever consumed ever, and then some. All of him hurt, his stomach from puking, his throat from the way the blonde had roughly fucked his mouth, his scalp from the way he pulled his hair, his knees from kneeling on the rough unforgiving cement. He felt like a crew of construction workers were jackhammering through his skull. He had dark bruises all over his neck and collar bone, dark teeth imprint visible. Not to mention the general overall soreness present this time in the season. He had thrown up moments after the blonde came in his mouth, his body finally rebelling against all the crap he had dumped into it over the course of the night. 

He looked like he had been well fucked even though things didn’t escalate further than what Tyler assumed was an extremely sloppy blow job in an ally way. He didn’t even manage to cum before he was throwing up on the pavement, just barely managing to avoid puking on the blonde’s dick. He was nervous and ashamed for Sidney to see him, if Sidney even took the time to look at him which was doubtful. 

The blonde had dumped him into an Uber, after he puked, sending the driver to the address he had found on a concierge business card stuck under the case of Tyler’s phone. Dumb luck had him shoving the car beneath the plastic before he following his teammates out into the town for the evening. The driver had to help him through the lobby and shoved him in the direction of the elevator. After that Tyler had absolutely no idea how he managed to make it from the elevator to his room. He’s not even sure how he remembered which room was his or how to work his key card. But somehow, he did, and promptly spent the rest of the night wanting to die, and not just because of his broken heart. 

He’s not sure how he managed to make it back down to the lobby to meet the bus to the airport but he did. There were a lot of holes in his memory, starting somewhere between the line and the first shot. He had shoved the plastic bag he had found in the hotel room for dirty laundry into his blazer pocket in case he puked again while in transit. 

Muzz sat down next to him and raised an eye brow at Tyler’s slightly green tinged complexion and dark glasses combo. 

“Where did you disappear to last night?” he asked cheekily, and Tyler shrugged, worried that if he opened his mouth he would be sick again. He felt like he was being suffocated by his tie and stealthily reached up to undo the top button of his shirt and loosen his tie. Hopefully Coach Sullivan wouldn’t notice. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. It was winter Tyler wanted to whine, why was Arizona so fucking hot. He shimmied out of his jacket and hoped no one notice the sweat stains on his pale blue shirt. He was pretty sure he reeked the alcohol he was currently sweating out of his system. 

He had no idea how he was going to play a game against Anaheim tonight. He had fucked up, as usual. 

“Burnt off some steam,” he said tightly, closing his eyes as the bus started moving. He got slightly airsick on a good day, he had no idea how an hour and a half on a plane was going to go, followed with the added bonus of California traffic. 

“I can see that,” said Muzz passively. There was no judgement in his voice, though Tyler knew there had to be. His neck looked like he had lost a fight with an octopus, or a vampire. 

“Are you done?” Tyler asked, his voice monotone, “because I’m trying really hard not to throw up on you right now.” 

Muzz shrugged. “I guess, hey, I don’t know if I said it before, but I’m sorry things went south with your mystery lover, and I’m always here if you want to talk about it instead of drinking yourself sick again.”

Tyler thought about making a comment about how he was pretty sure it was the alcohol / oxy / coke combo that had messed him up before deciding it would probably be better to just keep his mouth shut about that. Like the breakup with Sidney it was better as his own personal pain. He didn’t need to be dragging more people into the train wreck that had become his life. 

“Thanks dude, but I’m fine, really,” he said, “I just like met a guy and he bought me a few drinks, it hit me harder than I was expecting.” 

Muzz snorted and took another look at Tyler’s neck but thankfully kept any and all comments to himself.


End file.
